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A Message from Michele
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Sunny Days are Here, Again #2676720
05/12/16 11:51 AM
05/12/16 11:51 AM
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SunnyB Offline OP
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Last post from my previous thread:

Maybell, that sounds heavenly. smile What I actually did was work all day, drive my lovely commute home, have dinner with my girls, and attend D13's basketball, all with a smile on my face. Except in the car, I cried in the car.

Maybe this weekend I'll break out the ice cream.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: SunnyB] #2676994
05/13/16 07:38 AM
05/13/16 07:38 AM
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SunnyB Offline OP
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I'm totally struggling not to text him today. I'm rationalizing with things like why can't we just be friends, and I'll put up with the dealbreaker item just to be with him. Sigh.... I have this vision of him going on happily with his life and not missing me at all.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: SunnyB] #2677228
05/13/16 08:43 PM
05/13/16 08:43 PM
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Zues126 Offline
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Not possible.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: Zues126] #2677230
05/13/16 08:46 PM
05/13/16 08:46 PM
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Wonder why that matters to us...I mean, XW has been dating some guy for, I don't know, 6-9 months now. For some reason I just feel she's really at peace with everything, fulfilled in her new life.

There's a whole lot of reasons to think that's not the case. It's what I hope for her in my head. And it doesn't impact me in any way, shape or form. Something about the idea of her being right to leave me though is difficult.

Oh well. Life's hard. At least I'm learning to handle it.

Hang in there Sunny.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: Zues126] #2677253
05/14/16 03:14 AM
05/14/16 03:14 AM
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Hi Sunny. I think it's normal to feel that way , it's clear you had strong feelings for the man. You made the decision that the deal breaker was just that , so see how you feel about the deal breaker in time.

As for him moving on and being happy , that's possible but my opinion is IF he does it will take time and you could just as easily do the same

Any R that you have invested time and caring is going to be tough to finish. It's if after time and reflection that the reasons against the R vs the reasons for the R are stronger.

I presume the deal breaker is on your side so I would fight the urge to text until you've given yourself time to reflect on how you feel once those initial feelings of loss settle. If you still feel the same after maybe then look for creative solutions. ???

In my previous post I called you strong , I should have added capable , enduring , someone with an inner strength as opposed to a strong , put up with @rap lady

You are very special , you not only deserve a Mr Nica ( without deal dealer ) but you deserve even better. It will happen , the universe looks after the good and maybe Mr Nica was just an appetiser and the main course is still to come ,

Know that you are cared for by many and that includes your internet buddies

Take care and another Big hug , Dessert xx, oops I meant Rd xx smile

Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: rd500] #2677267
05/14/16 04:57 AM
05/14/16 04:57 AM
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twilight zone
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(((Sunny)))

Mr Nica must be a great guy for you to miss him so much. And you would have been a gorgeous and lovely lady to have captured his attention.

He must miss you. Maybe the intensity will lessen but for you to have shared such special times, I don't think it's possible for him not to miss you.

Perhaps this time apart may change some things? Even if it does not, someone like you won't stay alone for too long.

(((Sunny)))


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: JksD] #2677296
05/14/16 06:55 AM
05/14/16 06:55 AM
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SunnyB Offline OP
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Thank you Zues, RD, Grl. I appreciate the encouragement. I don't know why it's in our nature to assume that a former spouse/bf/gf is happier without us. And now it's time for confession. He's not happy, he's as miserable as I am, and I have first hand knowledge of this. No, I haven't seen him, but we had a very brief text exchange last night. In my defense, he started it. And in a way, it makes it easier to go on, knowing that if he's miserable enough he'll work with me on this to find a way out. If he does, then it was the right decision. If he doesn't, it was the right decision. Sigh......



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: SunnyB] #2677300
05/14/16 06:58 AM
05/14/16 06:58 AM
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Well, I haven't always been a nice girl so I am going to pray that he's going to get as miserable as he can. wink


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: SunnyB] #2677334
05/14/16 08:33 AM
05/14/16 08:33 AM
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Ginger1 Online
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Originally Posted By: SunnyB
Thank you Zues, RD, Grl. I appreciate the encouragement. I don't know why it's in our nature to assume that a former spouse/bf/gf is happier without us. And now it's time for confession. He's not happy, he's as miserable as I am, and I have first hand knowledge of this. No, I haven't seen him, but we had a very brief text exchange last night. In my defense, he started it. And in a way, it makes it easier to go on, knowing that if he's miserable enough he'll work with me on this to find a way out. If he does, then it was the right decision. If he doesn't, it was the right decision. Sigh......


I have been exactly where you are, as you know. With the exact same thoughts. ANd you are 100% right. But whichever way it goes, you still had what you had and the outcome in the long run doesn't make it any less special.

Re: Sunny Days are Here, Again [Re: Ginger1] #2677859
05/16/16 08:09 AM
05/16/16 08:09 AM
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Brought over from Grl's thread:

Originally Posted By: Ginger1

I knew I had to let it go. Too much energy was spent on them. She was a part of my daughters life no matter what. So, I put my big girl panties on, she attended my daughters preschool graduation and we all went out to dinner after, with his family. And I was fine, to my surprise. She was the one who felt weird, actually. We all attend our daughters special events.

I wish to God some days my ex would have done this "right" and left me without an affair so I could really be able to embrace his new wife. I do it now with as much grace as possible, and think of only my daughter when I do.
Ginger, lots of credit to you. I've been struggling with this a great deal lately. I have never met the duck (well, since she became the duck, I had met her before), and she hasn't been introduced to my kids. My D18 was recently in the same place and turned her back on the duck and refused to look at her, much less speak to her.

I have told Mr. P that if he were to meet someone new next week I'd be her new best friend, teach her how to fix his coffee and take a pie to her house at Thanksgiving, but that I would never accept the duck. But I've recently been thinking of backtracking, of asking to be introduced. I don't know. In some ways, this seems easier than holding a grudge the rest of my life. In some ways, this feels like backing down on my morals, saying it was OK for her to have an affair with a man she knew had a clueless wife and three kids, condoning her actions. I'm not sure where to go with this anymore.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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