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A Message from Michele
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Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Huddy] #2667550
04/08/16 04:08 AM
04/08/16 04:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,371
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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Hi Sweetie,
Just a quick pop in to say hey and have a great yoga retreat. There's nothing wrong with becoming friends with the nice guy at work, is there? I mean, there's nothing wrong with hanging out as friends until and if you're ready for more??? The best relationships are built on friendships, right? Just. saying. friendship now, while your in the "not dating" time frame ...
xoxoxo
Hope your mother feels better soon, and you have a great time xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: bttrfly] #2667623
04/08/16 09:58 AM
04/08/16 09:58 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
CA
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mleigh4 Offline
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mleigh4  Offline
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Enjoy your weekend, I have been wanting to try a yoga retreat so looking forward to hearing about it.

Hope your mom feels better too.

I am sure there will be ups and downs, seems normal. You are doing great to expect that and ride with it. Seems like you know yourself well and know what to do as needed. I think that is a wonderful trait and a very important part of this journey.

Take care Sotto


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: mleigh4] #2667644
04/08/16 11:56 AM
04/08/16 11:56 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
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rd500 Offline
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rd500  Offline
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Posts: 2,227
Hi Sotto , have a great weekend

Take care. Rd xx

Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: rd500] #2667685
04/08/16 04:57 PM
04/08/16 04:57 PM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 722
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Pax_luv Offline
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Hi Sotto,
I hope the retreat brings even more light into your life and that you come back feeling strong and resilient. Have a great time! Namaste. smile


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Pax_luv] #2667949
04/10/16 10:16 AM
04/10/16 10:16 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Posts: 5,301
Thanks for your good wishes guys - I did have a lovely time. We were only just over an hour away, but it was a beautiful area that I don't know too well. I really liked the yoga teacher and 8 of our group were staying in the same annex, so I got to know them quite well. We were also blessed with some beautiful weather and the walks we did were great!

As far as spirituality goes - this break was probably at the low end. It was pretty social and quite a lot of wine was drunk and some good laughs. It was an all female group of 13, some had come alone and some with friends. One lady came with her Mum. All nice people who were interesting and mixed well. I got to spend lots of time with the good friend I went with (she and I are like ships that pass, so that was good.) We also bumped into a guy who asked me out years ago (before I met H.) I kind of fluffed things at the time and we never got together. But I got to meet his wife and four kids, which was nice.

We're already talking about a similar break next year and about making this an annual trip we do together. I'd highly recommend it (MLeigh!) to anyone considering it.

Friend and me chatted a little about H - not much really - and like most of 'my' people, she's in favour of 'moving on.' Whilst it's kind of a moot point anyway, it would be hard to make a decision that my nearest and dearest would be unhappy with. I think it's maybe more acceptable if you have kids together and people would appreciate more why you would want to try. I do think I'm becoming more of a WAW - which may be no bad thing as our D is about to finalise.

I guess where I struggle a little is the whole MLC journey and what I know could happen much further down the line. It may not happen, but I know it could. And if it did, I would have been the one to give up. I also worry about getting involved with someone else too soon, and feel the draw of 'nice guy' - but also feel the door should be closed before you think of that. I hate the thought of causing anyone else hurt due to my situation.

Anyway - I'm a little tired and sore, so I'm going to have some R&R tonight. I'm not back at work until Wed, but I have SS coming for a little visit on Tuesday.

Take care all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2667977
04/10/16 11:52 AM
04/10/16 11:52 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
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mleigh4 Offline
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mleigh4  Offline
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I am so glad you had a nice time! I love yoga, it has helped me so much. I really turn to it when I feel stressed or jumbled, it always helps.

I think your struggles are the main reason we all stand. The unknown "what if". I for one would LOVE to wash my hands of this mess we have become, move on with a nice guy who enjoys me for who I am, who loves S as his own.....it all sounds wonderful....but what if? Personally, I think we all prefer our spouse to have that hanging over their head, while we know we did all we could.

It's long, drawn out, exhausting and painful. I think you have handled yourself through this so well, with such grace and class. You inspire many here, I have learned much from your posts. Your H is a fool, I hope he wakes up, but most of all, I hope you find yourself and your life in a Happy and fulfilled place, full of love, laughter and fun.

Enjoy your day


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: mleigh4] #2668054
04/10/16 06:09 PM
04/10/16 06:09 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,512
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HaWho Offline
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HaWho  Offline
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Posts: 1,512
Sotto - sounds like a great weekend. Glad you enjoyed some much needed
R & R but you were missed here!


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: HaWho] #2668614
04/13/16 10:55 AM
04/13/16 10:55 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Posts: 5,301
Thanks MLeigh and HaWho smile Yes it is a long road and I do think MLC just grinds along, much in the same way as it takes us time to experience things, absorb, learn, make decisions and so on - separate journeys....

Had a visit from SS yesterday, which was nice. For me, it was a much better visit than last time with his Mum. I felt more calm and confident and we had some good laughs. He dropped a few nuggets of info about H. He said H is hardly at our flat in the city (presumably he's at OW's) and will probably sell it. He also went on a little trip with H and OW at Easter. He never says anything about OW directly (maybe out of consideration for me?) but from one or two things he says I gather she's still on the scene.

So, SS and his Mum have decided to move back to the US when he's 18. H knows - and apparently said he wondered if he should also move there? S and his Mum behind the scenes were like - Duh...who invited you? I said to SS it would be good to have your Dad nearby if he chose to move. In truth, the whole thing is maybe a ticking time bomb and who knows how that will all work out. Also, H's life seems to be very much OW centric with little contact with his family or older friends.

SS also said that H just plans to get a big container and put all the stuff from the MH into it when it sells. I'm careful not to probe too much or be negative about H, and I just tend to 'Hmm' and 'is that so?" Or whatever. Anyway, interesting to get these snippets...Someone took a nice photo of me and SS at lunch and (in response to a text) I sent it to H...no reply tho.

And before I get in trouble for this being all about H - I have been busy GALing too. SS to visit, yoga on Mon and helping at new D workshop last night. Busy weekend ahead too and working next couple of days.

Thanks for reading and take care all.

Ps: Job, I noticed you've not been posting lately....I'm just checking in and hope things are okay with you? Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2668787
04/14/16 04:42 AM
04/14/16 04:42 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
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rd500 Offline
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rd500  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
Hi Sotto. Sounds like a good visit with SS. The snippets you talk of , while interesting in one regard , may have very different connotations to how you take them

For example , H even considering moving back to US would make me think things with OW are far from ideal BUT who knows

Your path has been and continues to be a tough one and I can't think of a single person on here who has dealt with it with more strength and grace I'm proud to be consider an online pal and your strength gives up all a light to follow

Being super cute doesn't hinder you either. !!!!!!!!!! I hope that brought a smile to your face !!! If not , I'll get my coat !!

Take care. Rd. xxxx

Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: rd500] #2668796
04/14/16 05:22 AM
04/14/16 05:22 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 786
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twinmom Offline
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Posts: 786
You're allowed a post or two about H! He and OW may still be in each others lives but honestly who cares?! Is it a healthy, loving relationship? NOPE!

If I were you I wouldn't set a specific date for not dating.... go by how you feel. There is nothing wrong with taking things very slow.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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