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A Message from Michele
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Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2666542
04/03/16 01:54 AM
04/03/16 01:54 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Quick update from me. Been a busy week at work and a few social things. Was out last night with my divorce group chums and had a good time. Meal out on Thurs with ladies social group. The next divorce group starts up soon and I'm involved on the fringes of that too.

All quiet on the legal front just now. The signed financial agreement is with his L now presumably needing him to call in and sign. He and I had a couple of small interactions this week about me using our joint account due to lost bank card. I noticed he was back to curt two word responses or no response. That used to hurt a lot and now I'm better at thinking 'that's interesting' and going about my day.

No results from the STD screening yet.....hoping no news is good news and if I don't hear soon, I'll get in touch with them. Got my new car this week and thrilled with it - glad I decided to get just what I wanted.

Quite a social week again this week and I'm going away on a yoga and walking weekend next weekend - looking forward to that. Been in touch with SS to see if he wants to visit for a day - not sure if he'll make it down due to exam revision and my limited availability, but we'll see.

Life trundles along....and not in a bad way.....take care all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2666584
04/03/16 09:12 AM
04/03/16 09:12 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
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rd500 Offline
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Hi Sotto. Pleased for you regards the car. Your GAL still impresses and your an example to us all on keeping busy.

Have a great week

Take care. Rd. xx

Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2666645
04/03/16 05:46 PM
04/03/16 05:46 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
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BrightFuture Offline
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Originally Posted By: Sotto
- and H is still going strong with OW at this point and I think will follow the D to conclusion.

Hi Sotto, how do you know this? I think you assume this because H keeps following the D path. But, his recent two word replies could mean something different. He could be irritated with the whole situation, or something is going wrong with OW (which at some point is inevitable grin ), or she is not happy about him communicating with you (which means insecurity and R built on lies and betrayal)… So , I don’t think I would use the word “strong” when describing his R with OW. Just my opinion.

I’m glad that you are keeping busy with social life. And congratulations on the new car! It is a big decision!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: BrightFuture] #2666681
04/04/16 12:37 AM
04/04/16 12:37 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Thanks RD - I'm glad to still be impressive grin

Bright, thanks for the reminder - it was needed actually, as I do 'buy in' to the whole notion that I'm the ex W now, OW is H's GF now and everybody accepts that. Whilst I read about the volatility and probable doom of such R's I fail to see it in my own situation sometimes. I do feel like he has totally checked out and moved on. Again, who knows how things may ultimately unfold and I do try not to sit around and think/wait for that - after all, the R could continue for months/years from now. It's not a part I get to control.

But I do know that OW is emotionally fragile and her last R was an A, then she cheated on him with H. So, she is clearly an affair down and the whole situation doesn't bode well. However, I suspect the usual suppressing of needs may be going on within H in order to keep things on track - but who knows with probable MLC in the mix too. And even if this OW were gone, another might follow etc...who knows??

Anyway.....enough of boring old them! I'm off today and plan to make the most of it - pottering around with some chores, food shopping and generally catching up - a nice gentle day in store for me.

Thanks for posting xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2666705
04/04/16 05:11 AM
04/04/16 05:11 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Well, the test results came back all clear - hooray!!

Also, I just had an email from H asking where to transfer these funds. Sounds like he has signed the agreement now. I'm a little intrigued about the recent show of coldness. There seems to have been a shift from pleasant cooperation (but I've completely gone) to cold and minimal. I sent back a pleasant reply with a couple of questions about the house. I want to call the agents and discuss strategy with them, so I'll see how H responds. Other than that, I'll shrug, get on with my day and be glad funds are on the way!

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2666737
04/04/16 08:12 AM
04/04/16 08:12 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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So, initial funds have arrived with me and H and I agreed on a price reduction for the MH after I had a chat with our agents to get their views. H bought me into the loop with both agents by email, introducing me as his W - felt a bit weird as we're in the end stages of D.

Anyway, hoping there will be some renewed interest in the MH now. Also arranged a visit with SS next week. Funny how your sitch trundles along for longish periods of time and then there are flurries of activity. This has been a flurry, but I feel calm & centred.

smile xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2666892
04/04/16 09:30 PM
04/04/16 09:30 PM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 722
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Hi Sotto,
I'm glad you are doing well and high five on the clear test 😊

My h gets cold too, especially when any discussion occurs around money. I know once we start moving this along, our cordial interactions will change. You seem to be totally on top of this, regardless of your h's mood. Keep being awesome smile


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Pax_luv] #2667197
04/06/16 10:15 AM
04/06/16 10:15 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Colorado/USA
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Pink17 Offline
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Pink17  Offline
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Posts: 1,004
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Hi Sotto,

Wow...go girl!!! Your GAL is indeed impressive. My divorce group have always a million and one thing to do on weekdays and weekends. I can't really keep up with so much activities.

I smiled about the car. In my case, my XH gave me a car right in the middle of the divorce process. Go figure. I guess I got the best of his guilt. Glad you are pampering yourself. It sure makes a girl feel good. What kind of car did you get?

Sotto, TBH I still deal with the rollercoaster effect after seven months being divorced. I guess it just goes away when it is not in our heart anymore. I read your posts and I think you are doing better then most of us in this board. Feel happy for you.

I think that the reason of his cold shoulder could be that he is also seeing the end of a R. For him, at his age, he may be asking himself why it happen this way, why life did not work out for him. He may easily be thinking if there is anything wrong with himself since it is his 2nd marriage.

So, I would say that it is hard to get to conclusions and think that he may be just cold. He may be hiding his real feeling of failure. We have been dealing with all the different feeling throughout the process, but it may be for him the time that he is facing it more closely and feeling the weight of all his doings.

Glad you got your test and it is all clear. I did mine some time ago. I cried at the Dr's office like there was no tomorrow. I felt anger and a lot of heart pain. I was not ashamed about it, I was just in such pain for the reason I was doing it.

Sotto, take care after yourself and try to keep your health in check. As much as you prepare for that day that you will sign the final D, it sure is not easy.

I got very sick after that day. I had no energy and no desire to move. Then I forced myself and my body responded with a big fever. The psychological side of it is powerful and it can make us sick without any bug.

Remember, it is one day at a time.
Love always,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Pink17] #2667323
04/07/16 01:47 AM
04/07/16 01:47 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Hey Pink, thanks for your post Sweetie smile X

Yes, I feel in a pretty good place lately and I'm not even sure if the D finalising will cause me pain. It may, but I feel for me some of the intense pain may have passed. It still comes and goes but I am generally at peace with where I am.

I have been busy with GAL and I am starting to assess invites a little more instead of saying yes to pretty much everything. A couple of times I've felt a bit over-extended and hauled it back in a little. It's nice to know there are some things I could be doing if I chose to, but I haven't chosen to.

I'm off today and I'm going to be packing for my yoga retreat, having a hair cut and looking in on M&D. Mum hasn't been too well this past week or so, and I'm concerned - hoping she picks up soon. I'm only an hour away on the retreat, but I never like going away when she's not too good. But I do want to take the break for myself and have been looking forward to it for a while.

Hoping for a little flurry of activity on the house now that we reduced the price. If it sells soon, I'll be pleased and we can break that tie. My D group friends have offered to come up with me to sort and pack, which is kind of them and I think I'll take them up on that.

Haven't posted about nice guy at work for a while. Hadn't seen much of him due to site changes - but he has joined a regular meeting I attend now and I saw him this week. I do find him attractive and we shared a couple of jokes. I am interested in him, but I would like to maintain my 'no dating just yet' stance - not that he's asked anyway!

One thing I'm thinking about is whether to write a closing letter to H on our D. I partly want to and partly don't. I feel the door closing more and I don't even know if I would want to try and reconcile with H again. Moving on alone and forming a possible new R in time feels more appealing just now - so I'm pondering on what I would want to say and whether I would want to say it - or whether do nothing is the way to go.

Anyway - that's where I'm at folks & thanks for reading :)x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: A door closing and another opening... [Re: Sotto] #2667328
04/07/16 03:35 AM
04/07/16 03:35 AM
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
UK (Scotland)
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Huddy Offline
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Posts: 1,917
UK (Scotland)
A rare visit to MLC land for me Sotto! Normal service will be resumed!

I have a colleague who wants us to be 'divorce buddies', similar in respect to your group. Personally, the idea repulses me, as, so far, I'm not D'ing yet. I don't think I could take the convo!

Selling the MH is a pain, but at least that will give you piece of mind and some closure on that front.

Nice guy at work? Why don't you ask? Go Sotto!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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