W never fully moved out. When i put my foot down and was trying to control the situation, she moved into the GBR in the basement.
When I finally outed the A and told her I was Lawyering up, she committed to working on it. I let her sit on it for a while and then she moved back into the MBR.
It wasn't textbook on my part, but it did all work out. We already had 3 therapy session in, so at that point, I just decided to ride the waves on emotions I was feeling and just tried to hang on until our next appt (3-days after).
I'll start a thread and hope some of the people over here chime in.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I still deal with the emotional forgiveness. Not on a daily level, but on a situational, few-times-a-week level.
And that's us Divorced for 4 months, not seeing each other except for kid exchanges! The hysterical bonding would help to cement the relationship, knowing the really rough patches are working through the anger and betrayal (you) and shame and loneliness (her).
I think you might benefit from some communication classes together. From our chats here, I would think you're very proficient at this, but doing this together would help tremendously. Maybe not - just an observation.
I enjoy seeing your posts - so I'm encouraging it!
So happy to see you blessed with a reconciled marriage. Hard work - so much work. But worth it.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
I woke up this morning and she was already awake, laying in bed. We cuddled. It was nice.
Life has been good to me and it's fixing to get better as I complete some projects over the next few months.
W is doing well, but she is dealing with a lot of anxiety right now as well. She has gained some weight which she is upset about, while I have been losing weight like crazy (down 25lbs). It's hard for her because she's trying to be supportive of me, but my weight loss just remind her that she is not having the same success.
She has also been intentionally pulling away from her family. I understand why and it makes sense to me. I support her and support her decisions, but it's something she is really having a rough time with. Lots of anxiety when we have family functions ect. It makes things awkward.
I'm just really trying to be there for her. I still think she needs to be talking this out with someone. There are things from her past that she needs to deal with, so she can move on, and that's not something many can do on their own.
W is out of town for a few days and it is tough. Trust issues and stuff.
I find myself wanting to say something to her. I know she knows how I feel about things when she does leave because we have had that discussion, but she doesn't ever really say anything to me about it.
She will be with a couple of coworkers; one male and the other female.
I know why I'm nervous, but I wish it would go away.
I realize that I can only control myself and cannot control others actions, only how I respond to them. If something did happen, I know how I would respond, and so I feel like I shouldn't feel nervous, but I do.
I've said this before, but I don't think you can say it too many times: You never really get over the betrayal, you only learn to deal with it.
Piecing is so hard. DBing is hard, don't get me wrong, but there's that little bit of self doubt about whether or not you did the right thing, you know?
I always said I'd leave if this happened and here I am. Does that make me weak?
I think part of that comes from the detachment process. You put so much effort into GALing and detaching and distancing yourself to protect yourself from the turmoil of the WW or the MLCer etc.
Then finally, when you come out the other side and you're ready to move on and that's when they come back. It's so strange how that works.
I love where we are at, but there's part of me that hasn't shaken that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is this real? Is this forever? Is this the right call?
All we can do is do our best to cultivate that R and hope that this was the path we were meant to walk.
I hope it's not forever, and I suspect it's not. But I get what you mean. When we're fooled, we don't want to be a fool again. But reconciling and piecing inherently means taking the risk that we'll find happiness, not misery, and that we won't be the fool again.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Oh, I still talk about it, when I need to. Our MC told W to expect that when I'm ready for the answers, I'll bring up additional questions and to answer them honestly. She also suggested that we limit talking about it to certain times, or in therapy. W knows I still think about it and I'm lucky; she tries hard to reassure me.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I feel similar I "pretend" my W and I split. She lives down the street and time has gone by and we started hanging out again....and she started spending the night etc.
I use this exercise to say what would I do. My W is the best she has been in years. So I like spending time with her .. and would hate for her to go out with someone else....
Everyone can cheat and lie.... or it is more "normal" than I ever thought possible
I struggle or at least think about it often...lies and the sex
But W is great now..... and making it up to me so to speak....
I try to remember she is not perfect. I used to think so. The other exercise I do is think about-- what if my daughter ran away and did stupid things and then came home -- I would take care of her ....( I know it is not the same ) but it is something I do to humanize my W... or more accurately, help me not to judge her... accept what it is - boundaries of course.
I have never been unfaithful... but I have thought about it...so I try to understand
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
Oh, I still talk about it, when I need to. Our MC told W to expect that when I'm ready for the answers, I'll bring up additional questions and to answer them honestly. She also suggested that we limit talking about it to certain times, or in therapy. W knows I still think about it and I'm lucky; she tries hard to reassure me.
I'm the opposite. My W does NOT want to talk about it outside of therapy. If I bring up anything outside of therapy, she gets dark and gets really depressed. I know its probably counterproductive, but I stopped talking about it because she simply cannot handle the gravity of what she did.
This is probably why she doesn't like MC either. That's when we talk about her affair. We've been on a good streak and we only go to MC when things are rough. So we had a bad fight the other night (not infidelity related), so instead of getting into a war, I stopped right there and told her we need to iron this out in MC. She agreed. I made an appointment. I can tell she's dreading it, because the MC will say this argument has roots in her affair, and she'll have to own it.
That all being said, she is being transparent with me and assures me she has nothing to hide - even though her and OM still work together. For all I know, this could've gone underground, but if she were to be found out again, both our kids will cut her out of their lives. I don't think she'd risk that.
Me: 52 Her: 48 2D 26 & 16 M: 25 years (together 30) EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016 Admitted SOME physical but no IC. We know that's a lie. Status - tryin to R
