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Hey All,

I wana start by saying sorry for my bit of a hiatis. Its been a very busy holidays for a number of different reasons lots of gatherings with family and friends. I dont rememeber where i left or but I am generally doing pretty well. Wife is still seeing OM. I have been doing well with not snooping. I am not doing well with reading DR book need to get back at it. The big update is W is moving out and into her brothers house with him. She has already moved the spare bed there and setup a crib for S1. We have discussed doing some sort of every other day during week and every other weekends for spending time with S1. I have generally had a relitivly PMA i have been struggling though watching her move stuff out the door and having to re orgagnize my stuff because she took one of our dressers with her. Monday will be back to work and back to well a new routine hopefully that will help. I think he being on her own may help her to relize how much i have done for her over the years. She feels shes been neglected but she is not very independent and is quite needy and me the nice guy i am tried to take care of everything and still give her everything she needed emotionally at the same time. I feel this has just burned me out and caused me to fail to provide what is needed i know this is the root of our problems but she doesnt seem to care to see it. Anyways im rambling now. I dont realy have any questions just thought i would get back active on here as i remember how much you all have helped me over these last couple months smile let me know if you have any questions or comments.


M30 - W29 - S1.5
EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015
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Wow, too bad for her brother. He will see first hand the selfish and destructive behavior.

You may want to get the child care schedule written out and agreed to so there aren't any mishaps. And I assume you have separated the finances as you talked about a few weeks ago.

Last edited by mvgfwd2; 01/04/16 02:35 AM.

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Originally Posted By: mvgfwd2
Wow, too bad for her brother. He will see first hand the selfish and destructive behavior.

You may want to get the child care schedule written out and agreed to so there aren't any mishaps. And I assume you have separated the finances as you talked about a few weeks ago.


Her brother is away for work quite often so he will be gone months at a time more then likely. She will get a good taste of reality this way and maybe she will realize how much of the household responsabilities i actually took care of. Anyways have the house to myself all night tonight possibly for the first time since my s1.5 was born. Gona see how much more stuff i can get done without W nagging me.

As for the schedule i will write it out and review with her for her approval. Af for finances we have always had sperate finances snd now with her moved out im not sure how it applies i assume shes no longer on the hook for helping with any bills. Anyone have any advice with regards to this other then see a lawyer?

Last edited by Strngr!; 01/04/16 10:59 PM.

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I've been looking through the MLC threads this morning, looking for inspiration and guidance. I found this little gem, and I'm going around sharing it with everyone I think it may be helpful to. Sometimes everything just gets to be too much, and I forget where I'm supposed to be focusing. It really helped me redefine where I want to go, and how I'm going to get there. I hope it helps you a bit, too.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2


Consider the DB basic principals....

1) Healthy boundaries.
2) Better communication
3) GAL
4) "act as if"
5) Change how you look at things
6) Keep a positive outlook
7) Personal growth
8) Learning more about you so that you can be all that you can be.
9) Learning to avoid "cheese less tunnels"
10) Love and respect

These principals can be used in all facets of ones life. When used properly....they truly can change you from the INSIDE OUT.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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OK so bit of a situation need some advice. We have made arrangements for S1 similar to someone else I saw on here cannot remember who it was. May have been enigma or anyways we were planning on alternating days drop off pickup at his daycare. I drop him off she picks him up she drops him off I pick him up etc etc. Only difference here is my W works at this daycare she came to the house today wanted to talk about the arrangement and she told me she didn't like leaving work and leaving S1 there waiting for me to pick him up she said she feels like she's abandoning him. She leaves around 4:15 ish when she gets off her shift I pick up around 4:45 when I get off work. So S1 is there in the capable hands of her coworkers for 30 minutes. Anyway I told her I'd talk to my boss and see if I can rearrange my hours on days that I pick up S1 so that I go in 1 hour early and get off 1 hour early so I can pick him up at 3:45. Talking to a few freinds they urged me to stand my ground don't change shifts they said she's making a big deal of nothing. 2 things to note:
#1 I what to pick it up S1 from daycare on my days because I want to be a good father and be there for him and want him to know I'm there for him.
#2 I don't want to see my W everyday. So picking up after she leaves would realy be preferable.

Here is what I was thinking of saying to my Web

I'm gona tell her I thought about it tonight and it decided that I don't think I will talk to my boss but I still want to pick up S1. I'll talk about him not being there long as well as this fact that she can stay and hang out with her freinds/coworkers and wait for me if she doesn't want to "abandon" which is not abandoning anyways he's in very capable hands.

The other option is to actually talk my boss and recycling arrange my hours. This would give me an extra hour with S1 on days I pick him up.

The 3rd option would be find him a new daycare where she doesn't work and then she won't have to leave him.

Anyways what do you all think? What should I say?


M30 - W29 - S1.5
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There are three options? Which one do you prefer for you and your son?

My thinking is that you might enjoy the extra hour? If not, then say you can't switch your time.

And I wouldn't go with option 3. I can't imagine going back and forth between daycare a to be cost effective or good for S1.

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Stongr, I agree with Azzork. Having an extra hour with your son would be really fun! But if your boss doesn't go for it, the first option makes sense, too.

I really get her point of view. Driving away without S1 would feel really weird. "Abandoning him" is a bit dramatic, because she has to know he'll be fine. She doesn't like it is really the bottom line here. I don't think I would feel much sympathy, were it me, but I really do understand her statement.

I just got through telling H today (WW3) that he should have thought of a lot of things before he decided to blow up our family. He was trying to guilt me into something, and I was not so politely declining. I imagine you probably feel similarly on this.

It's your day with your son. If you can work out a way that makes you both happy, that would be best. Don't give in to help her with her unhappiness of the situation. She'd best get used to it if you're unable to maneuver your hours. Going to another daycare is not a good idea.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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Ditto for me with what Ancaire said. If she don't like it, too bad. She created this feeling within her by her actions. She can fix those feelings by changing her actions, not yours.

The selfish mind really is exhausting to deal with.


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Strngr! Offline OP
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Thanks All! I have talked to a few close freinds about this daycare situation and they are suggesting i just stay status quo her to bad for her. She has always got her way with me because im a nice guy they tell me i should stand up to her in this situation and let her feel the guilt of this situation she has created. I agree with them i definitly need to show im strong but at the same time if i can do something that makes it better for all 3 of us i should shouldnt i. Or is this just going to just be me more of the same her being a princess and always getting her way. She will feel like she has me in the palm of her hand.


M30 - W29 - S1.5
EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015
Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015
W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015
W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
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Don't choose to say no just to "prove" something to HER. That is the opposite of detachment...

Make your choice based on what's best for you and your son. If that includes shifting your schedule an hour on your days, then why NOT do it?

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