WAW called last night and asked if i had some anti inflametry tablets her arthritis had flared up and her joints had swollen. Her car just ran out of registration and she cant drive it. I said ok but i would have to drop in later had a couple things to do, i went up about an hour later and dropped the pills off, i told her i only did it because she was in pain and left straight away, she said than you. Should i have done this? Or should i just have told her I was busy.
Yes, it was the right thing to do. I might have skipped the comment about why but no biggie.
If she asks again I'd probably do it a second time...but then I would let her know that since she has decided she no longer wants you as a husband you cannot continue to contort your life around her needs. That she needs to find alternative ways to obtain her medicine and while you empathize any pain she might suffer you will not be able to be assist should she put herself in this position again.
Unlikely to come up again, but I think this makes sense.
Well played, glad you didn't dote on her and try to be her nurse!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I think i may have been a victim of temprature checking. My WAW asked me to take her some meds for her arthritus because her car was unregistered on thursday night, i just saw her driving it too the gym. Cant do that if its unregoed! Do you think she was checking to see if she can still pull my strings?
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
It's possible. Don't worry too much about it. Pretty much a non-event. Who knows why she does what she does. As long as you know why you do what you do.
If someone screams for help that they are stuck under their bookshelf and you show up that doesn't mean you're a puppet, it means you're a responsible and compassionate human. Now if they do that twice you can let them know you won't be responding to future pleas.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hi Everyone Hope you all have a safe and enjoyable christmas! Bit quiet on my front, limbo sux, having to basicly put your relationship or potential relationship on hold, leaves a bit of a void. I still have to get my head around it. Happy Christmas!!!!!!
Last edited by AU Bob; 12/22/1508:30 PM.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Hi Everyone Big day for me tomorow christmas morning at my daughters place. WAW WW will be there, have not spoken to her at length for a few months now, and not really that fussed about it. My GAL efforts have been paying off and my social and sporting life has really started to kick in, I now go out at least twice a week to gatherings and nights out. My anxiety levels are almost non existant i still have bouts but i dont dwell on it like i used to, GAL has really helped with this, my confidence has returned and with it my self worth. I feel I am in an intermediate stage, I am starting to question if I really want to reconcile, I know its only been 7 months since she walked out, although her relationship with the EA partner was probably a few months before that, do you add that to the time frame? I am now looking at the differences and compatability of our M going back a decade or so, people change in 30 years and even though you live and love them, they are different people from the first years of your M. I have started to understand this only recently, and it is making a difference to the way I think now, i think my social gatherings and the things I am doing with my life now have opened my eyes to a different way of life, its still early days and I miss close female togetherness quite badly, I feel happier in another way. The togetherness thing is hard to loose, when you have had 32 years with some one you get into a whats familiar is good comfort zone, I think in long term relationships this can become a problem, you get so comfortable with it you take it for granted and stop working on it because you have a false sense of security that it will always be there, I think this is what happened to us in so many ways. I still love my wife as much as the first day I met her, and probably always will, she is the mother of my children, and somone who helped me through life to where I am today, we had good times and bad but thats life. I never would have done what she did, but I am not her and I dont know whats going through her head. I spose she is on her journey to find out what she needs from life from this day forward and im not in those plans. I did think about it once in the past but i realised life without her was not something i could live with, I should have realised then that we needed to do something about reconnecting in a loving way, the false sence of security allowed me to be complacent and i did nothing, hindsight is a bitch it dogs you! I spose what I am saying is, I am starting to understand the big picture. Our M has run a course, and if we were to R it would have to be a new begining, the time apart has allowed us to explore our life choise's and where we want to go from here. If she says to me in the future we can try again I would treat her as if i was meeting her for the first time. This is why at this point, I am wondering if I really want or need to go there. I have the opportunity to have a freas start too and there may be someone out there who is more compatable, im on the fence witch way to fall? It will be interesting for myself to see what I am like while around her tomorrow, i hope i can portray myself as a strong confident man and show her I am moving on! Happy Christmas!!!! N
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
This is why at this point, I am wondering if I really want or need to go there. I have the opportunity to have a freas start too and there may be someone out there who is more compatable, im on the fence witch way to fall?
I believe compatibility is a pile of bull$hit people use to justify divorce.
Yes, you can go to extremes. If one person wants 5 children raised catholic in Chicago and wants 12 cats, and the other person wants to live in Nepal and live without children, is allergic to cats, and wants to just walk the land...yeah, that could be tough. So people can pitch these arguments like it justifies the compatibility myth.
The problem is the people that use this example aren't getting divorced because of these reasons. They're getting divorced because they want the benefits of a relationship without putting in the work, so they'll tear apart a family because there's another person that is willing to dangle some emotional bait for them that seems more easily available.
Bottom line, anyone woman that mentions compatibility with me clearly wouldn't be compatible with me
Quote:
It will be interesting for myself to see what I am like while around her tomorrow, i hope i can portray myself as a strong confident man and show her I am moving on!
Like they say, if you want to paint a perfect picture, just make yourself perfect, then paint naturally.
Live each day doing your best to become the man you feel you should be. The right people will get the right impression.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hehe Thanks Zues, you made me smile and laugh. Yes your right she just did not want to put any effort in. The compatibility is an analogy of mine, I do think about what went wrong, because we have never really sat down to get to the real nitty gritty of it you know the root cause. This one of the reasons why I think there is a bit of MLC happening, I think she just wants to do what she wants and a committed marriage wont allow that, easier to just blame someone else and take the easy way out. Having a shoulder to cry on makes it even better someone to justify the final decision to quit, even though the person attached to that shoulder has a vested interest in making sure that happens(OM) She's on a journey where that takes her who knows, I am weighing up how long I am going to wait to let her find out. Putting that side of my life on hold is something im not sure about when enough is enough. I will enjoy tomorrow I think I am at the stage now that I can do that.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
I had a good day. I think i managed to project a new stronger me to WAW i spoke to her a little bit and felt quite comfortable, not anxious quite calm. I was able to mix with the extended family and friends and show her no attention. She got me a present (didn't get me one last year) i didn't get her one.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
I love how Zues tells it like it is. I think I might steal that quote, about compatibility and just taking the easy emotional bait. That is one of the most profoundly insightful things I have read about this topic in a long time.
AU Bob, What present did she get you? I am glad you had a good day. My H got me a guitar. Hard to know what to think, such mixed messages. I like the guitar though, now I need to learn to play.
