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In my experience...as long as WW still looks like the only outlet to meet your emotional needs, you will feel loving to her. Once you learn to meet those needs elsewhere and don't 'need' her anymore, then you will find that she doesn't look as attractive as you will associate her with the pain and destruction she caused.

So to your point, yes, it is normal. I think it is healthy as this means you're being honest with yourself about how you feel.

The only thing to be aware of is that how you feel is just that- how you feel. This really shouldn't impact your personal or long term goals. Remember, the only reason WW left was because she followed her feelings. When she wasn't getting her emotional needs met through you and began to feel anger, she took that to mean you were incapable of meeting them and that you two weren't right for each other (also because the person that was meeting those needs started appearing noble and good through those rose tinted glasses).

As long as you understand that feelings follow circumstances then go ahead and process your feelings, and actually celebrate your progress towards detachment. Just make sure to steer the ship based on your values and beliefs.


Me:38 XW:38
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Yes I still feel the loss, but I am not blaming myself as much anymore. I know I could have been a better husband, but I think the things she did contributed partially to my attitude. I pretty much blamed myself for it all initially.


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I did the same. I went from: it's all my fault , to it's her fault, and now to we both screwed things up, but I'm not quitting. Who knows where I'll be next, but it changes. You are doing as well as you can right now. Keep it up


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Yes
I have got to the stage where I don't really want to see her. I mean I still have the desire to R but I feel it's better to distance myself and not be there.
I have the dilemma of Christmas day coming up. We used to open our stuff at our place and then go to WW's family gathering after. Now my daughter wants to have it at her place and they are boycotting WW's gathering. I don't really want to be at D's place with WW being there, but if I don't go my kids will be upset. I just don't want to be around WW I don't want to be her friend because of what she has done, I can't really pretend to be her friend.


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Quote:
Now my daughter wants to have it at her place and they are boycotting WW's gathering.


What do you mean? They don't want her going to her usual family get-together?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Hi Sandi2
We used to have our family opening at our place and then go over to the wife's family gathering. My children do not want to go to her family's gathering, they are just staying home.


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Sandi2..?


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Your feelings will continue to go up and down until you start really concentrating on yourself and let her go. Not giving up, but knowing that she's not the center of your world any more.

That's why it's called a rollercoaster.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Okay, I just needed clarification.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Well, it's my 50th birthday today, and I'm feeling good about it.
I'm in a bit of a transitional stage at the present, I still want to reconcile, but I am in two minds. One, I want it, and two I should just move on, it's been 7 months now, and I know some of you here have been working on R for years, I really admire the faith, hope and fortitude you guys have.
Got a happy birthday text from WW, WAW, and my feelings about it are mixed, I just replied "Thanks" and said no more.
I,m really tired with the uncertainty of it all, not knowing what to do all the time, worrying about making mistakes, and the hassle's with the family dynamics, It' very tiresome.
We have Christmas coming up and I want to give her a card at least, I don't hate her, I still have feelings for her, but it is not as a wife at this point, it' almost like I don't know her anymore but I would like to be with her, if that make sense, any ideas what I should write in the card?.
I don't speak to her much, I have withdrawn from contact as much as I can, I'm in two minds about this as well, should I try to talk to her,( she doesn't really contact me about anything)or just stay away?


H 50
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Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
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