Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
A
AU Bob Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
Thanks. Zeus.
Words of wisdom well recieved! It is tough. My daughter is torn between supporting me and the mother she loves. Sometimes the maternal bond is so strong it is almost possible to falter. I cant blame her for that. It just is very hard to accept for me cause of the deciet her mother is continuing to cloud over her, and the damage it is doing and tjis may not fully be understood until D is much older. 17 is too young to be able to really understand the gravity of it all, and i seem to have lapses of understanding she could not be able to, i need to take her age into account when i think about this. If that makes sense.
This is one of the most difficult things to accept and understand, she is suffering as much if not more than me. I really need to remember this.


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
"I think it is because her mother is spending money on her and taking her places. Buying her affection? "

Mind reading on your part.

Did you used to go and spend time with your D alone before? If not, then I can see why she would be uncomfortable about it now.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
A
AU Bob Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
Yes we spent time together. When her mother bailed she sort of distanced herself from all of us. I think she has only really started to take any sort of interest in D17 because she is less judgemental about OM partially through bloking it out and not really accepting her mother could do this. The older ones are more wise to the world and know and accept what their mother is up to and have confronted her about it. WW is not as comfortable around them so she had thrown herself headlong at D17.
Thus is why im a bit upset about it all, its almost like she is hijacking her of me to release her from guilt.


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
A
AU Bob Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
Bit of drama on weekend.
I am still living in the family home with my D, the house still has renovations that need to be done. WW is living at a friends house and has been for six months. I have stopped working on the house and have concentrated on GAL, witch has only really taken off in the last month or so. I have been spending increasingly more time on my self. This past weekend I attended a party Friday night, spent the next day working on a pickup truck I am restoring to use for work, and Sunday I spent the day with a mate, got home 8pm Sunday night
D17 was with her mother all weekend, and yesterday morning her mother started complaining that we have not been doing anything to the house, this upset D quite a bit, D said why have you not come round to do anything? and WW replied that she felt she was not welcome, I find this silly I have given WW keys to get in, and have at not time told her she is not welcome, I have only stipulated that my bedroom is private and I did not want her in there, all other areas are ok.
I think WW is getting a bit annoyed that I am starting to move on and am GAL back. She has been going out all the time and spending weekends sitting by her sisters pool drinking martini's and vodka's going out for dinners and nights out. I think it's a bit unfair to wine to my D about work not getting done. she can come paint and do what ever she likes when ever she likes. When she has shown up unannounced I have never said she is unwelcome.
I think my GAL is starting to rattle her, Im not sitting around moping anymore.
What are your thoughts


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Thoughts are that you peppered your post with mindreading. You don't EXACTLY know why she's doing something or feeling something. When you do that, you are going to misread alot.

Just continue focussing on yourself.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
A
AU Bob Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
That's what I have been trying to do. I am just a bit upset because she should have spoken to me not lumped it on my D.


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Then talk to her about it. did you actually hear her say that?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
A
AU Bob Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
No. My daughter told me. Yes your right. I should ask myself. Just wish she would start to communicate


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
A
AU Bob Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 210
Feelings of resentment are starting to sneak in. Is this normal?. It's been six months since she walked out. I still have feelings for her but I am starting to not like her for what she has done.


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,088
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,088
Aub, not sure what is "normal" but my emotions on my W run the gamut. I love mine, but I don't like her right now. Not doing the Christmas tree with my boys put a very bad taste in my mouth. But, I know it too will pass. So will your feelings of resentment. Or at least they will mellow a bit.

Good luck and keep fighting the good fight!


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard