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ATPeace Offline OP
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My days are so much the same
Get up get the kids dressed and breakfast
W comes home from night shift takes daughter to her horse
I take toddler to nursery
I get home from toddlers and W is now sleeping
I spend about 1 HR doing work house work or watching tv then I go to work
I get home at 4. To 4 30 then one of us takes son to his tennis
The other stays at home with the other children and or takes daughter to her horse
I get in at 7 pm just as W is getting in the bath and get ready for work
W goes off to work and I get to look after the children bath time and bed time for the toddler and try to make sure the big ones have done homework and had bath and then I will try to help agai with some more housework

And this is my life ....so my question even if I wanted to try and work on us ...work on our marriage even if I wanted to make our relationship better and she is not willing to put in the time when would I be able to do this.....

I remember when I was working all hrs and I was not about in the mornings and I expected my W to manage ...I really do not know how this could ever work .


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Hi I Just need a little advice

As per my post above life has become very mundane.

My W seems to have no interest in working on the marriage she works sleeps and spends time with the kids

Every day is just the same another day of the Same things over and over

We live and live a simple life with little to no excitement how do I work on trying to make things better ...what is better how do I get excitement back and if I get it back is this even something she wants

Feeling lost as tho nothing will fix this i feel getting more distant this is not what I want


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Sep 2014
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Ghost,

you are cycling back and we are rehashing same old issues.

YOU CAN'T MAKE IT BETTER, YOU CAN ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER!

GAL - remember that phrase? Go get a life. Life is as mundane as you make it. Join a new club, join a group, gym, go khiking, go for walks, go see a movie, go somewhere local you have not been yet. Call someone from a long time ago. What does Ghost want to do? What does Ghost desire. And do not say your W or R with W back. You are your own person and do not let yourself be defined as a spouse of W or a father of 4.

And get off the self pity train. No, life does not owe you, no you are not a poor soul that was buried under circumstances, no, the world does not hold a grudge against you and no, everybody is not out to get you.

SO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND START MOVING. Just take a small step for starters. First step is the hardest. I t gets better once you catch some momentum.

Vapo

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ATPeace Offline OP
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Vapo thank you

Sorry i was spinning .....i can only work on me and hope that that has the affect of influencing the outcome I cannot make her change he mind

So my outcome is to stay together but I know I have limited control over this

I do not want to divorce so I will not initiate it nor will I suggest it ...the same comes to selling I do not want to sell so I will not be the one to put the house on the market.

I will work in myself ......I'm going to buy a guitar and learn to play the guitar !


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
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^^^last post was good, more of that and less spinning over fear of the unknown. And yes, that fear of living alone is so much worse than actually living alone. Trust me on this, I felt the exact same way for a long time.

The only chance you have to make it better is to stop trying to make the M better and let go. As weird as that sounds as long as you cling to it and fear the outcome your not helping the situation.

Now what else can you do alone or with the kids to not make the days so mundane? This is your life, live it.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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Originally Posted By: pho


Ghost "I cannot believe how much I feared being alone, this is awesome! I don't have to watch W get all dressed up to go out at night, I feel so free, I can practice my new dance moves in the living room all night long in my knickers (see I am trying for the British word here) without a care in the world. "

Pho "I understand Ghost! I had friends over last night and we laughed so hard, I just realized that I can't laugh in H's presence because he thinks my jokes are stupid, and also I realized that I am sleeping so much better because I am not in a constant state of sexual frustration wondering when if ever he will put out. Out of sight, out of mind! And, even better, I have a hot new boyfriend ..... (OK wipe out that last part)."





Thanks Ghost and pho for sharing this. I'm adding my chuckle to today's gratitude list.


Buttercup

Me 50 H 51
M 17 T 20
D16
H EA Feb 2014
BD Sept 2015
H moved out Nov 2015
W Filed D papers Mar 2016



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Hey Ghost,

You said in your last post that you will not be putting the house on the market. I too am in a sitch where my wife will be wanting to sell the house. How are you able to stop the sale of the house?


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
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ATPeace Offline OP
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I am not able to stop it but I will not do it myself she can do the donkey work if and when she wants it sold


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
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Well, that's not quite right bud. If it's in both your names, you both have to agree to sign the documents to start the selling process, so, in affect, you can stop it. The matter of if you could afford the house on your own, should your W decide to go, is only something you can decide.

But if you do decide to sell, let her do all the work.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Ghost, it might be hard to sell a house if there is a bald guy wearing knickers dancing in the living room every time someone comes to look.



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