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ATPeace Offline OP
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And it is not for us to worry as it cannot help things to get better

Our worrying comes from our open thoughts and all they are is thoughts that come and go

How does worrying even make anything any better yes we may feel rejection but this does not make us unworthy or unlovable.

I love my W and I probably always will but it is her choice how she chooses to live her life


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,435
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So many good men on this board, so many unselfish, strong, loving, men who care about their families. You all give me hope. I am at a low point. Not seeing much positive to cling to, but then there are all of you out there, holding your heads up, doing what needs to be done, all in the name of love and in the best interests of your families. Thank you Ghost, Uphill, Azzork. You give me hope.



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Pho, you made me blush! You and many other women on here do the same for me. Make me realize that there are still some out there who are willing to go through h*ll to make thier relationship work! I wish none of us were here but if we are gonna go through this, I couldn't image a better group of people to do it with!


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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ATPeace Offline OP
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Pho

I thank you for all you have done for me the support you have given I really wish I had answers all I seem to do is screw things up.

If I have learnt one thing then that is everyone has the right to live their life the way that they see fit if my W decided that she wanted to spend more time with another man then as much as I would not like this to happen I cannot make her not want to do this she will live her life the way that she wants to and I cannot dictate to her what she should or should not do.

I can only show my wife the love that she would want to stay right with me.

I truley love her and I do not know if I could ever love another the same I do not know if I want to or even if I should try to

I am slowly starting to understand about detaching I am not sure getting a life is for me I tried it meeting up with new people just seemed strange took me right side my comfort zone

I have a basic life I really do all I ever wanted to do was

Get married
Have a family
Work and provide the best that I could
Have a bit of me time
Spend time with my W ...[censored] I wish I had dome more of this
Leave enough money for,the kids,

My dreams have been turned upside down.

Everybody aspires to be the 2.0 version of them self be a better person why did I not realise what it would be like before this happend,

Hindsight is such a great thing

Back to codependent no more it is making a lot of sence no need to worry I cannot control it


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Ghost

Truly because you feel so much for your W and your life this is why it is tough for you.

Keep smiling at that man in the mirror

Big hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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ATPeace Offline OP
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Thank you I think I am actually feeling stronger some days I doubt myself

The test will be when my wife decides to want to go to live in separate houses

Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,952
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There are tests every day, Ghost.

Don't worry about passing the final when you haven't learned the course material yet.

Just keeping knocking out the days. One at a time.

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Ghost, I like the basic life too. I am head over heels in love with my H, despite the way he has treated me in the last year, all I want is him. However, I am quite confident, that if he should walk away from me and actually file for D, I could love again and I will. I am not done being loved or giving love in this life. I know I am not. I am not talking about dating a week after the D is filed, but I do know that my love life is not over.

And yes, as Azzork said, knock out the days one at a time. I am struggling so much lately. Ups and downs, I am in a big down. It is late here in my corner of the world, just another hour or so and I've got one more day knocked out. One more bad day too, so that is good, because you know those can't be avoided but need to be walked through.

Peace to you Ghost.



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Ghost

I'm impressed with your turnaround this week. You ARE making progress. It's tough buddy, and you might not notice what is changing about you, but I can see you're a good man who is making a good stab at trying to make this work. We've got your back!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Aug 2015
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I'm so happy the book is making sense to you. It helped me a lot, too. I was surprised to discover that I really am awful at asking for what I need. I was a manipulator! I would hint, sigh, dance all the way around a subject...for fear of being told "no", I guess.

What is so very wrong with, "Can you take out the trash?"
Too easy, I guess. For me, it was an ordeal:

Me: "Wow. The trash can is really full." Sigh. (Offer to take it out, H.)
H: "Yes, it is." (Here we go again. Why won't she just ask?)
Me: "I'm not sure I can fit anything else in there." (Offer to take the trash out, H.)
H: Sigh. (She needs to ask!) "I think if you push down on the top of the pile, you can make some more room in there."
Me: Huff. Sigh. (Why won't he offer to take it out?) "I pushed it down a while ago. I think it's really full now."
H: (This will get her going.) "Did you use a pan or something, to really smoosh it down?" (Keeps straight face.)
Me: "Screw you, H! I guess I'll be the man around here and take out the trash!"
H: (Like taking candy from a baby. Quiet snicker.) "Ok. You do that."

I learned some good stuff reading that book. I'm so proud of you, G.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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