Ten month anniversary of BD this weekend, might as well start a new thread. WAW and I are still communicating well and cordially, D paperwork is still being worked through. Although I'm not in a hurry to get the D finalized, I'm not standing in the way of the process.
My WAW has become more and more open now that the D has been filed for, and I'm still hard at work becoming PP 2.0, and a man only a fool would leave. The changes are still coming so I'm grateful for the time allotted.
Dog swap got postponed for another two weeks due to some travel that both my W and I are taking (separately), so I won't have the opportunity to see her for a little while longer.
Although there is light in my sitch, I'm still preparing for D and believe it is the most likely outcome here. Will DB to make sure that my next relationship has the highest chance of success possible and to learn as much as I can through the end of this relationship.
Not a day goes by, not an hour goes by to be honest, that I don't think of my WAW, miss her, and wish she were a part of my life. I believe she is on a powerful journey of her own.
Cheers,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I have been following your journey for quite a while. You have come so far and made so many changes for the better in your life. Regardless if it is your W or another woman in your next R....she is one lucky lady!
Diana
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I have been following your journey for quite a while. You have come so far and made so many changes for the better in your life. Regardless if it is your W or another woman in your next R....she is one lucky lady!
Diana
That's very sweet of you to say Di-mond, you actually made me blush a little bit!
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Just got off the phone with my STBXW, what started out as a chat to discuss some woofie arrangements turned into a 90 minute talk about anything and everything. She filled me in more on her life, on visiting family, her hopes, dreams, fears, and a of course some of the reasons why she was unhappy in our M.
Although I had my addiction challenges, what really drove her away (per this conversation) was the thought that happiness was something that would be hard earned for me, and something she was dedicated to making easy in her life.
We talked about the future of Woofie and she told me that the sharing was working well, but at some point one of us should probably end up with him once we're remarried or in another R. I said we could cross that bridge when we came to it.
The call was a lot of connecting and sharing, something we haven't done much of up until now. She knows nothing of my life now, other than the sobriety and even said so. I know a bit about hers and asked a lot of questions.
I'm not sure how the call chalks up DB wise. It was a positive interaction, she did say it was wonderful to connect with me again and hear about my life.
One of the things she also said was that you can't ever go back with new tools and skills and start fresh with an old person. She also added that she hopes some day we can have a friendship and have each other in our lives. None of this was cold or with malice, but she never cracked a millimeter about the possibility of wishing we had tried a new with our changes present before filing for divorce. She added that she had done everything in her power to save our M before leaving and has no regrets.
She also shared that she had opened up a bit since filing because that was a clear message to me that things were completely over. I told her to come check this website and see all the people still fighting for their M's and even reconciling, that'll show her. No, I didn't do that.
All in all, I don't think it changes my view. I still love her, but want to be with someone that wants to be with me. I know we weren't at our best together and see that clearly. I also believe that we could be an amazing couple, but we couldn't before so I see her hesitation at that consideration. In order to be an amazing couple though, we both have to want it and see the value in trying. Not just one of us.
We're both going through extremely similar experiences on the growth and self development horizon, learning about how to be strong and having mentors, teachers, and guides show up in our lives almost simultaneously. I've joined a men's group. She's joined a women's group. I'm taking a David Deida class on intimacy next week, she took one two weeks ago. The parallels would be laughable if they weren't heartbreaking for me.
My path continues DB'ers, thank you for reading. I've still got growing to do, strengths to gain, experiences to have, and lessons to learn. If they have to be learned through the pain of losing the woman I love, I'm just going to have to learn them that way. On some level I know it's better than not learning them at all.
May all of your weekends be filled with peace and strength.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hi PP. you are becoming a man only a fool would leave .......... What does that say about W ? It seems to me that W is coming forward a tiny bit and is protecting her position by reinforcing her determination to D
I'm n expert so these are just m thoughts. W will say all sorts but how much is true I don't know. You don't know and maybe she doesn't.
We are back to the same old thing. Control of PP and that's it. Life will show you the way and W will do what she will.
I truly believe that most WAS regret their choice to some degree. If they decide to reverse their choices , then this seems to be a care by case basis
By concentrating on PP you are deciding on your future because you are going to be ok. You've been standing for your M your dealing with some very serious issues and your improving as a person. I get the sadness and loneliness but you deserve someone who will appreciate who you are.
I hope that person is W and I sending out positive thoughts looking for that but please believe that PP will be happy again You've come through your issues , BD and more iim sure This is for a reason. We cannot understand why and maybe never will but this had to happen. It's giving PP the kck up the ass he needed to sort his life and live and enjoy the rest of it.
Relax back , put thought into improving PP and finding ways to live your life the way you want to.
With W , keep putting the thoughts re her back and eventually you will get there
Live your life now brother. Each day that passes is one less to enjoy
Can't thank you enough for your comments. I'm really struggling today again after speaking with my W yesterday and some challenges in the negotiations with my business partner. I don't feel well at home, or at work right now and having two sets of lawyers to deal with with the two people who at one time were the closest to me in my life is extremely taxing.
Your thought about each day passing being one less to enjoy hit home. I've started wishing time away again - looking forward to months from now when this is all past - and know that's not the highest use of the time. There are lessons in these difficult times that I can learn and valuable experience to gain from it all. I just have to remember that when the nausea hits and I feel like my whole life is falling apart.
Tomorrow is a new day. Thanks again Rd.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Dog swap day. Can't believe how quickly the two weeks pass.
Am going to shower, shave, wear a tight fitting shirt and dab a bit of the cologne my W gave me for Christmas two years ago. I'm headed to a David Deida taught class on intimacy which should be enlightening. Can't wait to learn from him.
Taking Rd's advice and making the most out of each day, even the hard ones.
Let happiness find everyone on the board today.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Believe none of what they say and only 50% of what you actually see! Yes, she said "One of the things she also said was that you can't ever go back with new tools and skills and start fresh with an old person. "
Bah. Look at that sentence logically. Lets say what was broken was a wall that needed painting and the paint brush broke. Do you really think she believes there is no way a paint sprayer can fix the problem?
Of course new tools can fix problems, so try and brush her words off. Look at the big picture. You had a long, nice conversation with your wife. And you did not end up pushing her further away!
I would say that is one heck of a baby step. So I am struggling to see how the next day your posts speak of D. D is looming, but another 90 minutes phone conversation MIGHT be looming as well! (no expectations...)
Since you are not allowed to have expectations, I will hold onto them for you and sit here patiently and wait for your post on your next nice conversation.
BTW, I hope the swap went well!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
