I hope you are getting the support you provide so selflessly to others. I do not have your wisdom to impart, but I am deeply concerned about the physical toll this has taken on you.
As I mentioned, I was in a very controlling and abusive ( occasionally physical) relationship close to 20 years ago. The nightmares still occur although they are very infrequent. For me, the hardest part was understanding why on earth I allowed someone to treat me that way. Allowing someone to treat me that way went against my own intellect and feminist views and I was mad at myself for allowing it to go on for so long and for being that "weak" and naive person.
I don't know if perhaps you feel similar? Do you ever look at it the way I just described...not intellectually, but deep down? If so, have you forgiven yourself for that lapse of internal strength? Also, Do you look and think of your body with love and kindness? (For example, instead of referring to an injured leg as the "bad" leg you refer to it as the right leg. ).
I just hope that you are able use the advise you give to others on your own wonderful self.
J
Last edited by JulieH; 11/04/1503:37 PM.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Hi vanillia. Just caught up and would really appreciate an update or even a quick post to let us know your ok.
I read your last post and feel your taking to much blame. / responsabty H was a sneaky , manipulative basta@d You are a caring , decent person How where you supposed to see his actions for what they were ????? You loved the man and having the privilege to getting to know you , maybe you still do.
Let go the blame you are carrying , it's not your burden to carry. I defend him in eaier days because your posts did not show his true character because at that point you couldn't see them. I'm a cynical type who has employed 100"s of people over the years and I gave your H the benefit of the doubt Yourl love made you blind and that's ok Your not blind now so let's move forward H is done. Please don't let his actions define you
I've been privileged to become a friend on line and trust me , H is the big loser here. With you he had a chance to recover and become the man he should be , without you be is going nowhere.
Sand I and job were good enough to clarify the rules on my thread and I'm always here , online or in real life if you need someone.
I worry ( like plenty of others ) that you are ok. I ask again for an update
How's Vanillia ..... Really ?
How's glam sis ????
How often do you see ghost of black cat ??? It must be heart warming to now she's still around
Sounds like you've got an awful infection or something big is passing though you. Please try to rest and let your body work its healing. You've been through SO much and give to no end on this board.
Please let us know that you are ok when you have a free moment.
Sending love,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I am ok, WH cross filed for divorce so now we have two petitions running.
His grounds are that I wouldn't sleep with him! (We are not talking ML here, we are talking sharing a bed).
I alienated his friends and family.
I refused to go on holiday.
I lived a single life and wouldn't go out drinking with him.
Oh yes and I asked him to leave on May 2 2015.
-----------------------
I agree with him I wouldn't sleep with a drunken womanising abuser, who smokes and uses dating websites.
I also decided no more holidays after the fiasco in October 2014.
Actually I had no life as for living a single life, it wasn't me that went drinking every night. In the end though I did want him gone and was very relieved. I work 70 plus hours a week to keep the show on the road.
As for alienating his friends and family WH told me they hated me and didn't want me around. He cancelled the swimming membership I paid for his granddaughters. I don't know any of his friends, only one CF.
And he left, I didn't ask him to, but I can say I am sorry.
Pants on fire.........
I really dislike this, what a terrible sitch.
It's time to stand for the truth.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/05/1501:37 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
