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A Message from Michele
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I got a letter from the solicitor advising all my divorce paperwork is ready to sign and finalise.
I thought I might have gotten upset about it, but at this stage no signs of any emotion.
I suppose the way I have looked at it, is, the W has had numerous times she could have at least said "stop it", lets work on this. Alas no, nothing has been mentioned. Even after my reply to her answers, that I was devastated there was never a sign when she mentioned she was hoping we could work on our marriage.
I suppose I look at it the way a lot of other before me have: that is she says one thing, but acts a different way.
While it isn't the way I had hoped my marriage might have turned out way back when this happened. I also have gotten to the point where I am comfortable with how I have tried and where I am now.
I have another beautiful partner, who later this year, will hopefully be more than a partner.
I won't be turning back to my W, there was a lovely marriage for 23 years, lovely moments and two fantastic sons. It is finished.
I am now moving onto my next fantastic life and great moments and memories.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,364
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My excitement of being engaged to my partner of 18 months. While some will be happy for me, some will also say it is too early etc.
I have made this decision/choice with a lot of thought before going ahead and proposing.
I have learn so much from DB, and in all honesty, need to learn so much more still. But it is great putting that knowledge to practice with my partner, friends and people I meet.
We have been attending church regularly, even going to a church connect group each fortnight. Something the old me would never even think about doing.
It was always in the back of my mind that I never asked the XW's parents permission in advance to marry their daughter. This time around I did ask the parent's permission.
I am a very happy person these days. Able to see things a lot clearer, about to understand other peoples views better, and importantly, able to apologise when I am wrong.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Hey HWA!!!!

It is good to hear from you!! You sound centered and content with your new life. Congratulations on your engagement with your GF. I wish you nothing but peace and happiness for the next half of your life's journey.

You've shown tremendous growth and self-awareness. I love the fact that you've asked GF's parents for permission beforehand. It could be a sign that your new R will be based on a much stronger foundation than your old M.

So happy for you, HWA! smile

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Congrats on your engagement and the new life. Just took a few minutes and read through your thread. Sorry that your old M didn't work out. It's enlightening to hear how much your W struggled emotionally as well. I know that a lot of us in the early days wonder if our W's even care anymore. Hope for all the best for you in your new future.


Me 47 W 42
T 24 yrs M 18 yrs
W living with OM
BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1)
BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out)
WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015.
Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
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Thank you both for those lovely and kind words.
It's funny how simply asking the parents beforehand (her parents are divorced for over 30 years, that is why both were asked) was something that I cared about for over 25 years based on the first marriage.
Wonka: I will continue to visit every so often. Occassionally adding things to others situations. I believe the new relationship is being built on better and much stronger foundations. How simple it is to admit and accept your faults or mistakes.
dwh15: It is enlightening when I heard the W struggled emotionally as well. The downside of that was she didn't mention the support of her girlfriend over that time. In fact she hasn't ever mentioned the relationship to me. What was very sad is that she was under the impression (as per her reply to my email questions) that the marriage would some how get back together, without her putting/talking any effort into doing that. In fact not even seeing me or talking to me for months on end.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,364
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dwh15: If at anytime during the separation, that the W showed even a tiny bit of interest in working on the marriage, I would have jumped in straight away. I continue to text her "happy birthday" and "Merry Christmas" but that is as far as our conversations go. So sad. I just pray and hope that she is in a much better place for herself now.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
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Oh my gosh, how are you old friend?? So glad to hear you're engaged, awesome news! How are your boys (well, men smile )?


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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AnotherStander: I am doing great mate. Both the boys took the news about the engagement quite well. I was a bit shocked. The oldest congratulated me and asked if I could pass the congratulations to Vikingblonde as well. The youngest just said that's good.
Both boys are getting better, I sometimes get the phone call or text from them first, rather than me calling first.
Vikingblonde and I are actually travelling to the States for the first time in Xmas. Leave here on the 20th Dec, get on a boat from LA on the 23rd and cruise all the way to Florida. Enjoying Xmas and New Year on the boat. Then 2 nights in Florida and the last night in Miami.
The credit card will end up being maxed out by the time we get home.
Hopefully in a few years, for my long service leave, I will do one of the Summer trips cruising the Route 66, either on a bike or car.
How about yourself? How is everything with you?


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,364
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Got rung up by the solicitor yesterday. The divorce has been granted by the courts.
On with the new life and new fiance.
During the time since BD, the ex has never mentioned or commented about working on the marriage at all. Never has expressed any error in judgement she has made. Not that I am blaming her for it all.
It therefore makes it easier to accept.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,327
Likes: 8
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Originally Posted By: hotwheelsaust
During the time since BD, the ex has never mentioned or commented about working on the marriage at all. Never has expressed any error in judgement she has made.

Its only been three years - What were you expecting?


Me-67, D35,S34
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