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20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) #2438887
03/17/14 08:44 PM
03/17/14 08:44 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Hey all, well as of today the D is done, so I'm moving my tale to this forum smile My lengthy sitch is journaled in my threads, here's a link to all of them:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&view=started&id=31339

As far as the D goes, XW and I worked out the settlement without involving lawyers. In my opinion the settlement was tilted in XW's favor, but involving L's would have cost a bundle and dragged things out indefinitely. I think the toll to my health and well-being was not worth saving some $$ on the settlement, so I agreed to it. Our court date was this morning and we were in and out in less than an hour. W's L walked us through some questions for the judge's sake and basically he just looked up, said he was granting the D, and that was that.

Now that the D is over, I can disclose something that I couldn't before- the reason I started pushing XW for the D is because I was offered a partnership deal at work. Both my partners did not want to sign until the D was on the books though, because they had concerns that XW might come after the business. Legally I don't think she could since we had already been separated over a year, but better safe than sorry. The ownership deal will be made official tomorrow. It's exciting and a little scary at the same time. But mostly exciting smile

Regarding my emotions, well I honestly slept like a baby last night, the impending D really didn't affect my PMA. Today I'm also feeling fine, there are some emotions kind of running in the background, if I had to name them I'd say it feels like shock and maybe some disappointment, but nothing serious. Overall I'm feeling good smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2438894
03/17/14 09:09 PM
03/17/14 09:09 PM
Joined: May 2013
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Mimi00 Offline
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Congrats on your partnership deal at work!
Good to hear that you're feeling well over all in the aftermath.

I really related to this from one of your final posts in your last thread
Quote:

I like to be in control of my life and I feel like ever since BD I've just been along for the ride, at the whim of my W. I mean I did GAL and I did work on myself, but regarding the M I was just a passenger. I feel like after tomorrow I will be back in control of my own destiny whatever that may be...


I like to be (or at least feel like I am) in control too... so when I am finally "freed" I think I will feel the same.

All the best to you on your new journey!!!


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Mimi00] #2438908
03/17/14 10:41 PM
03/17/14 10:41 PM
Joined: May 2012
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Breakdown Offline
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Congrats on the partnership! For every door that closes, another opens!

I agree with Mimi on that quote....I felt the same. Certainly not what I wanted, but I will make the best of it!


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Breakdown] #2438928
03/18/14 01:20 AM
03/18/14 01:20 AM
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You rock, AS. So incredibly proud of the journey you've been on, and of almost anyone I've ready, you deserve the new chance at life you've been given.

Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: JayMan] #2438932
03/18/14 01:46 AM
03/18/14 01:46 AM
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God bless you, AS. You've really been a light to this community. smile

Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: unbidden] #2438965
03/18/14 12:05 PM
03/18/14 12:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 455
England, UK
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Upwards Offline
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You sound in a good place & have a very bright future, make sure you continue to share your DB experiences & knowledge with us over in newcomers smile

Good luck with your future.


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Upwards] #2438968
03/18/14 12:11 PM
03/18/14 12:11 PM
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Georgiabelle Offline
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Congrats on the partnership deal! That is fantastic and glad you slept well last night:)


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Mimi00] #2438992
03/18/14 01:48 PM
03/18/14 01:48 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Thank you all for the kind words smile

Originally Posted By: Mimi00
I really related to this from one of your final posts in your last thread


It's a tough choice because standing does mean relinquishing control of the M. We take control of our lives through DB'ing, but if we choose to stand then we have to give up at least that much control and turn it over to our WAS. But it's a difficult thing just NOT KNOWING what the destiny of your M is. If the partnership deal hadn't come up, I wouldn't have pushed W for the D paperwork. But it did, and now that the D is over I do feel relief and I am glad it's done.

Originally Posted By: Breakdown

I agree with Mimi on that quote....I felt the same. Certainly not what I wanted, but I will make the best of it!


Right, my feelings exactly. Even though I nudged W to complete it, if she had EVER expressed interest in stopping the process then I would have agreed.

Originally Posted By: JonF
You rock, AS. So incredibly proud of the journey you've been on, and of almost anyone I've ready, you deserve the new chance at life you've been given.


Thanks Jon, sometimes I wonder if it's too much change in too short an amount of time, but after years of living life on autopilot it's time to shake it up a little wink

Originally Posted By: unbidden
God bless you, AS. You've really been a light to this community. smile


Thank you!

Originally Posted By: Upwards
You sound in a good place & have a very bright future, make sure you continue to share your DB experiences & knowledge with us over in newcomers smile


Thanks, I absolutely plan on doing that!

Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
Congrats on the partnership deal! That is fantastic and glad you slept well last night:)


Thank you, I slept like a rock last night too smile Met my partners for dinner and then we went to a Mavericks game. Got home just as D17 was getting home from work and she talked me into taking her to the store for ice cream. So I got to bed late and I don't think I moved a finger until the alarm went off this morning! I kind of use sleep as a barometer of what my stress and anxiety levels are, I had a lot of trouble with sleep the first few months after BD. But I've been sleeping like a baby for over a year with just a hiccup here and there when something troublesome happened with W.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2439013
03/18/14 02:25 PM
03/18/14 02:25 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
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7720 Offline
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How long did the whole process take? Once you decided on D? If you did not agree on everything how long would it have taken?


m-12 yrs
m-42
w-40
d-11
d6
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2439021
03/18/14 02:42 PM
03/18/14 02:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,756
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Underdog Offline
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AS,

Welcome to Surviving. Maybe some day they'll change the forum heading to Thriving after Divorce.

Anyway, I can relate to the quickness of the D process in court. Comparing it to the wedding day, it sure seemed like a pathetic end to all the time we shared and the children we produced, and all the experiences and growth that took place. I remember just feeling empty and raw. That lasted about a day. And I'm being serious about it. The following day, I woke up resolved to move forward to creating a better place and space for myself.

As far as the real reason goes, I'm pretty sure that if your XW had given you the effort you deserved into creating the marriage that you wanted, you wouldn't have had to make that choice. So... congratulations for having a green light and taking advantage of the process. Hell, you had to have *something* swing in your favor, right?

Now go get 'em!

Good luck-
Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Underdog] #2439026
03/18/14 02:52 PM
03/18/14 02:52 PM
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Wonka Offline
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AS,

I do miss Blue Bell ice cream down in the South...the best packaged homemade ice cream in the US!

Now that you're officially D, we all now can bring in our Scotch and amaretto to your house without having to climb in the back windows.

When you get the chance, please do swing by my detention center, The Breakfast Club. You'd be glad, for once, to be locked in a room with us. grin

Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Wonka] #2439495
03/20/14 04:15 AM
03/20/14 04:15 AM
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Posts: 683
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I am sorry to here it ended this way, but glad that the D process went smoothly and that you got the partnership. Best of luck.


M43, W37
D5, D11, D13
DB 12/11/2012
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: 7720] #2442264
03/31/14 09:26 PM
03/31/14 09:26 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Good grief, I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since I posted! Time is zipping by! Everything is great, as each day goes by I actually feel even more excited to be leaving my M behind! Even though I was the LBS I suspect that I feel more free than my XW, I really feel liberated! It's awesome! smile I'm in the process of getting the loan squared away to compensate XW for the D settlement (half the house, etc.) I got a killer deal on a 15 year loan- 3.875%. If I pay half of each payment early (basically pay half the payment twice a month instead of the whole thing once a month) and make one extra payment a year it'll be paid off in 7-9 years, so that's what I'm shooting for. I've been pretty busy but I've been carving out time to do fun stuff too, like Saturday I rode my Harley to go see a bike show with a live band, it was a blast! Rode back with 7 other Harleys, they MADE me drive fast wink

Originally Posted By: 7720
How long did the whole process take? Once you decided on D? If you did not agree on everything how long would it have taken?


Well there's a 60 day "cooling off" period in Texas, my XW filed the petition last August and had her L draw up the decree, but then she sat on it for months. I finally requested the decree and we sat down and went over it and marked it up. If she hadn't backpeddled, the D could have been completed in about 2 more weeks. Because of the backpeddling it was delayed again while she kept trying to add more money in (for her) while I tried to reason with her (I'm so silly, thinking I can reason with a WAS! Have I learned nothing? wink ) Anyway, once I agreed to her inflated numbers it took the L about two weeks to modify the decree and then just a few more days for the court date. So it's conceivable that a D could happen in just a little over 2 months between filing the petition and finishing up in court, but I've talked to a lot of divorced people and it seems like delays always pop up. Some other states have longer cooling off periods, I think the longest is 1 year.

Originally Posted By: Underdog
Welcome to Surviving. Maybe some day they'll change the forum heading to Thriving after Divorce.


Betsey, that's awesome, I love it smile

Quote:
Comparing it to the wedding day, it sure seemed like a pathetic end to all the time we shared and the children we produced, and all the experiences and growth that took place.


Exactly, it pretty much ends in a whimper, doesn't it? It starts surrounded by well-wishing loved ones partying and enjoying themselves and ends in a cold, outdated courtroom with a grey-haired judge staring down and a room full of bored onlookers listening in.

Quote:
As far as the real reason goes, I'm pretty sure that if your XW had given you the effort you deserved into creating the marriage that you wanted, you wouldn't have had to make that choice. So... congratulations for having a green light and taking advantage of the process. Hell, you had to have *something* swing in your favor, right?


Thank you! I'm sure if she had made the choice to try, we'd still be together now. But I will never forget her refrain from BD through D- "I just don't want to try." Hard to combat apathy!

Originally Posted By: Wonka

I do miss Blue Bell ice cream down in the South...the best packaged homemade ice cream in the US!


Now I want to go to the store smile I haven't had any in a while!

Quote:
Now that you're officially D, we all now can bring in our Scotch and amaretto to your house without having to climb in the back windows.


ROTFLOL! Forget the house, let's take it out to the pool! I'll fire up the margarita machine too!

Quote:
When you get the chance, please do swing by my detention center, The Breakfast Club. You'd be glad, for once, to be locked in a room with us. grin


Awesome, I'll do that!

Originally Posted By: RockJC
I am sorry to here it ended this way, but glad that the D process went smoothly and that you got the partnership. Best of luck.


Thank you! The partnership has really kept me hopping! It's a good kind of busy though!

Originally Posted By: gabbysmom23
Good luck with your partnership.

Sounds like good things are ahead.


Thanks, so far so good... no make that GREAT smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2442305
04/01/14 02:06 AM
04/01/14 02:06 AM
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Posts: 830
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willbwell Offline
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AS, you sound great! I am still at that teetering place...

No doubt you can't make this stuff up....

Maybe one day in my time I will know...something??

Thank you for always sharing.
wbw


M48 H50
M21 T26
S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old
PA confirmed 7/2012
H separates 9/2012
H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY
OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: willbwell] #2442541
04/01/14 08:22 PM
04/01/14 08:22 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: willbwell
AS, you sound great! I am still at that teetering place...


Thank you, and don't worry about where you are, you will be in a really great place again some time. We're each on our own timeline but we get there sooner or later when we put the DB'ing work in smile

Quote:
Maybe one day in my time I will know...something??


The only thing you need to know is that YOU are a GREAT person and your WAS's mess has more to do with him than you. Find yourself and leave him to it. THAT is the path to finding your happiness and contentment again smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2442728
04/02/14 04:38 PM
04/02/14 04:38 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Had an interesting convo with my sister last night. My sister was good friends with XW and apparently XW confided some things in my sister that my sister didn't want to tell me, but I guess she figured since we're divorced now it doesn't matter. One was that XW was indeed having an affair with OM. I assumed it was happening all along, but never had any proof of it. XW kept saying they were just friends. I didn't believe her, but I kept that to myself. It's not really a surprise. Another thing, throughout separation W never was at peace about leaving me and talked to my sister a lot about it. She said it was really eating her up, and she's convinced that she "gave herself cancer" (in her words). She's probably right, XW has ALWAYS kept everything bottled up inside, she's like a powderkeg looking for a match. What else, oh, OM is a smoker, that was news to me. XW has always despised people who smoke and drink a lot of beer (OM does both), but hey, the OP is always a step down and she's not the first WAS to lower her standards, LOL! My sis hasn't talked to XW since the D, but leading up to the D XW still expressed confusion over what to do. I'm sure that if I hadn't pushed for D it would still be in limbo. Anyway, it doesn't change anything for me but it was an interesting convo!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2443480
04/05/14 03:17 AM
04/05/14 03:17 AM
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Altamonte Springs, FL
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I've been following your thread...you are in such a good place. You sound sooo much like my WAS...except you were the LBS. How do you do it? Its been 3 years since D was final and he came out with OW (not sure how long before D he was with her). Anyway, tell me where the on/off switch is. I am in such a better place now and have done all the work on GAL and PMA and worked on myself. I have a new amazing life 1000 miles away from X. It's gotten easier but there is still than pang in my heart when he's talked to my D or S. I have NC with him. Have you started dating? Has your X encouraged you to date? Everyone says that finding another relationship (not necessarily a rebound) but just companionship and friendship helps. When you found out the convo with your sister how was your sister about it? That's a lot to hold back from you until recently. Just trying to pile through my own muck it's nice to see someone move forward so fast.


M: 49 H: 49
S23 D24 (disabled from car accident 6 yrs ago)
M: 21yrs
BD: 1 month after D home from hospital (after 6 months)
D: 3/11/11
Moved: 10/11/11 to FL for SCI recovery
X: engaged w/OW
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Live4myDay] #2443683
04/06/14 03:48 PM
04/06/14 03:48 PM
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swoop Offline
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AS,

You still inspire me, Buddy! It always seems like our paths and circumstances are so very similar. It gives me a lot of hope, that maybe one day, I will be in such a great place. Glad to hear you are doing well!


Me:46 Her:38
My D: 11
Her S: 8


Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: swoop] #2443777
04/07/14 01:32 AM
04/07/14 01:32 AM
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JayMan Offline
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AS - I so want to buy you a drink sometime. I hope I can find my way to your neck of the woods some time...

Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Live4myDay] #2444481
04/09/14 08:45 PM
04/09/14 08:45 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Live4myDay
You sound sooo much like my WAS...except you were the LBS. How do you do it?


Well, as time went on (after BD) I started remembering that I wasn't really happy in the M either, I was just gutting it out because I thought it was the right thing to do for the kids and for God. We were great co-parents, but a lousy married couple. We had a consistent sex life, but beyond that we offered very little to each other. We both quit working at the M. I was totally willing to give it another shot but she wasn't and that's OK. We both have good jobs and can provide for ourselves and the kids, so we didn't experience financial hardships like a lot of people going through this do. S and D all went pretty smoothly and that's made it easier to accept. My XW is a great mother and a good person, she wanted out and I respect that now. I don't think I did early on (well, I know I didn't) but I'm at peace with it now.

Quote:
Its been 3 years since D was final and he came out with OW (not sure how long before D he was with her). Anyway, tell me where the on/off switch is.


It's on the back of his head, you activate it using a baseball bat. LOL! No don't do that I'm just kidding laugh

Quote:
I am in such a better place now and have done all the work on GAL and PMA and worked on myself. I have a new amazing life 1000 miles away from X. It's gotten easier but there is still than pang in my heart when he's talked to my D or S.


I still experience that now and then too, especially if XW is at my house or I'm at hers and all the kids are around (which is very rare these days). It's a reminder of what once was and I do miss that. There's no ill feelings though, it's more, what's the word.... nostalgic I guess.

Quote:
Have you started dating?


Yes, about a year ago so well before the D. I've been clear up front that I'm not looking to rush into anything, but that has worked out well because most of the women I've seen feel the same way. I only had one R that got semi-serious, but she got busy with her business and it kind of petered out.

Quote:
Has your X encouraged you to date?


It's hard for me to imagine her ever being comfortable enough around me to talk about dating, she's still very much a closed book when it comes to communication. We discuss things related to the kids but that's about it.

Quote:
When you found out the convo with your sister how was your sister about it?


My sis is over 10 years younger, so we weren't very close growing up. I think she was 6 when I started college, and after college I moved to another city, so we just never really bonded. I think she was actually closer to XW than me! So the convo was just kind of informational if that makes sense, no emotions around it.

Originally Posted By: suckerpunch

You still inspire me, Buddy! It always seems like our paths and circumstances are so very similar. It gives me a lot of hope, that maybe one day, I will be in such a great place. Glad to hear you are doing well!


Thank you! You've grown a LOT since the start of your sitch, you'll get here, maybe not as fast but it's not a race, we're all on our own timelines smile

Originally Posted By: JonF
AS - I so want to buy you a drink sometime. I hope I can find my way to your neck of the woods some time...


You bet, or just come hang by the pool and I'll get the margarita machine out laugh


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2554044
04/03/15 11:10 PM
04/03/15 11:10 PM
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Detached from EVERYbody
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Ground control to Major Tom.

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Wow it has been 4 years now! #2594223
08/04/15 01:56 PM
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Hello all! I used to be really active here but as my marriage crumbled I eventually needed time away to let my marriage go and adjust to my "new normal". BD was a little over 4 years ago, my ex moved out about 6 months after that and the divorce was about 2 years after that (1-1/2 years ago). My ex bought a house just a few miles from me and we've worked together to co-parent our 3 kids ever since. All 3 kids were still at home when she left, but our oldest is set to graduate college this year, the middle girl is starting college so we only have 50-50 custody of the youngest at this point. I started dating before we divorced but found it very difficult to get more serious than casual dating. It's not that I miss my ex, it's just that I've gotten so used to being independent that it's tough to bring someone into the mix. But, it is quite overwhelming trying to take care of a big house and bigger yard by myself while maintaining a full time job and trying to be a good dad, etc. I have to admit I'm still struggling a little financially too, after 20 years of dual income it's been a very difficult transition to cut back on my lifestyle! Anyway back on the dating thing, I have been seeing someone for over a year now. We decided to make it exclusive about 8 months ago. She is much younger than me but gets along well with my kids. She is very sweet and quite attractive. We have a lot of shared interests, things like dabbling in art, a love for motorcycles, going to waterparks and Six Flags, etc. etc. It reminds me a lot of when I started dating my ex so long ago. She's been spending a lot of time at my house lately which is starting to wear on my nerves, LOL! She's very helpful, keeps the place really clean (I tell her not to but she insists that she loves doing that stuff), but it's just stressful having someone around all the time again, it's a big adjustment.

My ex and I get along fine, we never really argued much when we were married and have had no blow-ups or anything since BD either. Interestingly once she found out about my girlfriend she has opened up to me about her dating experiences. There was an OP back during BD and D but that fizzled and now she's trying online dating. She has never once made even the slightest hint of reconciliation, once she was done she was well and truly done!

Anyway, just wanted to pop in and say hello, it's been far too long! I will try and maintain some contact here, this place didn't save my marriage but it absolutely saved me smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: AnotherStander] #2594235
08/04/15 02:24 PM
08/04/15 02:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
She has never once made even the slightest hint of reconciliation, once she was done she was well and truly done!

Welcome back, we were wondering about you.

What makes you think that your Ex-W 's crisis is over?


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Cadet] #2594245
08/04/15 02:46 PM
08/04/15 02:46 PM
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Hey AS! So good to hear from you! I think most of us were financially wrecked by our divorces. You know, you plan a whole life including retirement with the person you believe you will spend the rest of your life with, then wind up bombed emotionally and financially with 50% of your stuff and 25% of your heart. But you sound so good; it's great to hear. My ex and I get along much better now that we're divorced. How are your kids doing?

Nothing wrong with taking your new relationship slowly, I have found I have a lot of unexpected triggers left over from 38 years of marriage LOL.

Thanks for dropping by to say hi!! We've all been wondering how you are, especially PM.

Originally Posted By: AS
Anyway, just wanted to pop in and say hello, it's been far too long! I will try and maintain some contact here, this place didn't save my marriage but it absolutely saved me
Ditto!!


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: AnotherStander] #2594328
08/04/15 05:55 PM
08/04/15 05:55 PM
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I don't know whether to hug your neck or shake you for leaving unexpectedly. (JK) I wondered about you, and glad to hear from you again.

Quote:
She's been spending a lot of time at my house lately which is starting to wear on my nerves, LOL! She's very helpful, keeps the place really clean (I tell her not to but she insists that she loves doing that stuff), but it's just stressful having someone around all the time again, it's a big adjustment.


Oh AS........don't you realize that's what women do when they are trying to snag a H?

It sounds as if you may have become settled in your new ways. grin I cannot imagine what an adjustment it would me for me!


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Cadet] #2594369
08/04/15 07:37 PM
08/04/15 07:37 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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So good to hear from you old friends!

Originally Posted By: Cadet

Welcome back, we were wondering about you.

What makes you think that your Ex-W 's crisis is over?


Thank you, good to see you're still here and still helping others smile I really have no idea if her crisis is over. She's actually been through a few crises, it's hard to tell where one ends and another begins, LOL! But she seems happy and positive, so I am glad for her. She's been through a lot the last few years.

Originally Posted By: RosaLinda
Hey AS! So good to hear from you! I think most of us were financially wrecked by our divorces. You know, you plan a whole life including retirement with the person you believe you will spend the rest of your life with, then wind up bombed emotionally and financially with 50% of your stuff and 25% of your heart. But you sound so good; it's great to hear. My ex and I get along much better now that we're divorced. How are your kids doing?


Hi Rosa, so good to see you're still here too! Yes, my seemingly solid plans for retiring by 60 are certainly shot to pieces, LOL! But I'm thankful that I still have my job and home and will just meet the future with a smiling face smile I've really learned from all of this that I don't have the control over my life I thought I did. So I'm just thankful for what I have and keep motoring on!

Originally Posted By: sandi2
I don't know whether to hug your neck or shake you for leaving unexpectedly. (JK) I wondered about you, and glad to hear from you again.


Well if you're offering me a choice I choose the hug, hahaha! I was glad to see you're still posting a lot in Newcomers and sharing your wisdom, your rules were indispensable in helping me get through my sitch and I've found myself quoting them to friends and family when they have their own relationship issues. Not to mention using them myself on a continual basis!

Quote:
Oh AS........don't you realize that's what women do when they are trying to snag a H?


I think that's part of what makes me feel so uncomfortable about having her around so much! Just the word marriage sends a little cold shiver up my spine! I know that's bad, but just being honest!

Quote:
It sounds as if you may have become settled in your new ways. grin I cannot imagine what an adjustment it would me for me!


I really have, I'm used to doing my own thing and having the house to myself every other week. I tinker with my motorcycles, work on art projects, build car models here and there, fly my R/C planes, hit the gym. At first I did it to GAL, but it has become my life now. And now there's this new person in there pulling me away from those things I've come to enjoy! It's really kind of ironic, that I had to GAL to replace the lost relationship but now I'm hesitant to replace my GAL stuff with a new relationship. I was helping her with her business and missed a week's worth of workouts and found myself really resentful over it. Ugh! So much to work on still smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: AnotherStander] #2594381
08/04/15 08:09 PM
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Hey AS,

Here's a cold beer coming up at ya....

Cheers to the good life. Keep on truckin'. Yeah, Sandi is on point about women cleaning spaces....yep that's one "tell" they give out every dang single time regarding their intentions. smile

Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Wonka] #2594387
08/04/15 08:15 PM
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You should never have to replace your GAL for a relationship! It's not one or the other! Compromise and balance!

Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Ginger1] #2594748
08/05/15 07:37 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Oops, I can't edit my first post but I was a little surprised to read my own timeline and see BD was 3 years ago, not 4. Wow it sure seems longer than 3 years smile I was thinking it was on my 50th birthday but it must have been 51st.

Wonka, many thanks, a cold beer is always a welcome sight laugh Uuuuuuugh you ladies are scarin' me, I may tell her no more cleaning, LOL!

Ginger, you are absolutely right! I've been trying to balance it, we were working on a project together (for her business) that ate up way more of my free time than I thought it would but it's done so hopefully I can get back to striking a better balance smile

I mentioned this in one of the Newcomers thread but a friend of mine that I have worked with for many years just got engaged. To his ex, they divorced 6+ years ago. They are much happier and more in love now than ever before. I don't know the details of their split, I'll have to ask him about it sometime when we're not doing work stuff. Every once in a while I hear something like this and it just goes to show that you never know what may happen. I would be shocked if my ex ever showed interest in me again, but clearly it can happen even after 3 years. I kind of hope she doesn't because it would turn my life upside down all over again! I really don't know what I would do.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: AnotherStander] #2594787
08/05/15 08:53 PM
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You know I am going to challenge you on this one......

If your ex showed interest, how would that turn your life upside down?

If mine showed interest I'd die laughing on the floor then say " over my dead body". Then carry on as is.

Not there yet?

Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Ginger1] #2594789
08/05/15 08:54 PM
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Because the dot button does not work for me even after one second, I just read what I wrote. I said I'd die laughing then say over my dead body. I take that back. I would not die because then I'd have to take him back over my dead body.

Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Ginger1] #2594820
08/05/15 09:48 PM
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I truly apologize, I thought I thoroughly read your post, but I was also making dinner, doing laundry and dealing with 7 year old driving me nuts. I'm not as good of a muti-tasker as I thought I was.

Your woman sounds pretty serious about you. But if the thought of your ex showing interest would make your life turn upside down, you might not be as serious??? I'm not going to tell you shouldn't be in a relationship then. I'm not like that. But this may get messy if you still don't know what you would do if your wife shows interest.

This young lady most likely wants kids and a husband. Might want to have that talk with her.

Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Ginger1] #2595781
08/08/15 07:16 PM
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AS, I like to see success stories of people whole and happy after these wreckages.

Echoing Ginger up above, maybe you and girl already understand these things if you went 'exclusive' but my past is filled with regrets of a serious R before STBX, where 'maybe' was a big thing in my head, and really meant he wanted to keep me around for two years and hoped he'd be inspired to want to settle down, maybe. And then STBX, who 'didn't know' about M, and once engaged, pro family, (except when he was on the fence about it) and decidedly leaning toward no family after D. I take responsibility in chasing both of these men hoping they'd come around. But a woman's reproductive years are precious, not to be wasted if she thinks she may have an interest in settling down. Don't let her think she can change your mind if she can't.

I do apologize if I am assuming too much here.


Mid 30's
Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH
D 9/15; NC forever on

You can't DR your way out of abuse.



Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Zelda09] #2600424
08/22/15 01:58 AM
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Hey AS, Iíve been wondering about you lately. It is amazing how things happen. I was looking to RosaLindaís thread and came across yours, because she posted to you.

I assume that your X recovered from that horrible disease just fine. I agree with Cadet, considering all that happened in the last three years, you just donít know if the crisis is over.

One thing I wanted to ask you, if I mayÖ Your much younger GFÖ does she have kids? Will she want kids in the future, if she is serious about the R? What do you think about this? If you donít want to answer, Iím ok with that. It is just a thought that came across when I was reading your update.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: PatientMan] #2726394
01/19/17 02:24 PM
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AnotherStander,

I'm not sure if you will ever see this post, but just wanted to say I read your old threads and learned a lot. Our situations have a lot of similarities so appreciate what you had to share.

*M died slowly of neglect (no big issues)
*W still in love, still wants sex, but can't stay M
*180s were to be more attentive to W
*At the beginning you thought there was no OM, but at the end, you learned there was; if you had known earlier, would it have changed anything?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Remember me? 6 years post BD #2745967
06/06/17 10:55 AM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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HELLLOOOOOOOO EVERYONE! I haven't been here in years, but I do think about y'all often :-) My birthday is this Friday and it will be the 6 year mark from BD and about 4 years post-divorce. My ex lives about 5 miles away and we get along just fine, I think our interactions could best be described as "friendly neighbors" in DB parlance. Sometimes we go out to dinner with the kids, and I've helped her with some projects around the house. Two of our three kids have reached adulthood and moved out since BD, the 3rd is still at home going back and forth weekly.

My ex never did drop even the smallest hint that she might want to reconcile, I DB'd my little heart out and in the end it saved me but wasn't enough to turn my WAS's heart. We never did have a deep discussion about her leaving, to this day I don't know why it happened and have accepted that I never will. Frankly I don't think she knows either. She really fit all the DB descriptions of a WAS as far as being confused and in turmoil, crying every day and such (I mean after BD, I don't think she's like that anymore) but she seems content in her life apart. In a lot of ways our marriage seems like a foggy dream, it seems almost like a movie I watched rather than my life. It's strange, I don't know how to describe it really. I still care about her but more like I do a relative rather than a best friend, lover and life mate.

So for those that recall my foray into getting back in shape, last year my home town gym suddenly closed doors! I started doing Crossfit and have a whole new family there now :-) I had no idea how bad my cardio was until I started there! Man it has been a tough road trying to get up to speed, but I'm in great shape now. I competed in the Crossfit Open at the end of last year and did pretty well in the Masters Division. I finally got tired of being a little soft around the middle and did a hard cut for about 4 months. I dropped 15 pounds and got down to around 12% bodyfat, probably the lowest since I was a kid. That was several months ago and I'm still keeping it off, mainly through some permanent changes I made in my eating habits.

I've been seeing someone for around 3 year now. She's much, much younger than me. I started out trying to date women my age, but just could not seem to get any to go out, they just wanted to text forever. Anyway we get along well and enjoy doing stuff together. We have a lot of the same interests. She's sweet, very attractive and a lot of fun, and seems to worship the ground I walk on, LOL! She's great but I just cannot see myself ever getting married again, my breakup really messed up my views on marriage. I've discussed it with her and she says she understands and wants to stay together. Maybe I'll change my views on that some day.

Anyway just wanted to pop in and say "hello"! I'll poke around some of the threads and look for familiar names :-)


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2745989
06/06/17 12:34 PM
06/06/17 12:34 PM
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Oh I see I was on the wrong thread.

Yup - time flies when you are having fun.

Thanks for the update, glad you are doing well.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: Cadet] #2746634
06/13/17 06:37 AM
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Originally Posted By: Cadet
Oh I see I was on the wrong thread.

Yup - time flies when you are having fun.

Thanks for the update, glad you are doing well.


I couldn't find my old thread here so started a new one. That's a sure sign I was away too long, LOL! I'm being purged! Help me, I'm melllltttinggggggg laugh


All three of your threads have been merged into one.

Last edited by job; 06/13/17 07:14 AM. Reason: Merged threads

Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2747663
06/20/17 07:11 AM
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Thank you Job for merging the threads!! I thought they were gone, couldn't find them anywhere :-) Now I see there are a bunch of posts I missed dating back to 2015, I will now work on replying to them :-) Thanks again!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2747668
06/20/17 07:51 AM
06/20/17 07:51 AM
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You have to change your display options in the bottom left hand corner to all dates and then hit change in order to see postings that are further back then the current ones that are displayed for all to read.

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: job] #2747671
06/20/17 07:54 AM
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Originally Posted By: job
You have to change your display options in the bottom left hand corner to all dates and then hit change in order to see postings that are further back then the current ones that are displayed for all to read.

OR

Click on your name - Posts - Topics


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Ginger1] #2747679
06/20/17 08:39 AM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Now that Job has combined my old threads I see I missed some responses going back to 2015, oops!! Thank you so much for the replies and my apologies for taking so long to respond!

Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Because the dot button does not work for me even after one second, I just read what I wrote. I said I'd die laughing then say over my dead body. I take that back. I would not die because then I'd have to take him back over my dead body.


Hahaha! Well I'm not sure my reaction to XW would be THAT extreme, but maybe it would smile

Originally Posted By: Ginger1

Your woman sounds pretty serious about you. But if the thought of your ex showing interest would make your life turn upside down, you might not be as serious???


Well it's been almost 2 years since you posted that, I'm still dating the same young lady. The thing is, I just cannot seem to fully invest my heart into her. Unfortunately she has the same problem, probably because of a previous R she was in that was physically and emotionally abusive. So we kind of hold each other at arm's length. We get along fine and enjoy doing stuff together, but I don't think it'll ever progress beyond that. We've talked about it at length and she knows M isn't in the future, and she says she's OK with it. I've made it clear to her that if more kids (she has a D) and M is something she wants then she needs to pursue that with someone else, but she says it's not that important to her. Still, I do feel like I'm interfering with her future in that regard, it weighs on me a lot.

Originally Posted By: Zelda09

But a woman's reproductive years are precious, not to be wasted if she thinks she may have an interest in settling down. Don't let her think she can change your mind if she can't.

I do apologize if I am assuming too much here.


Not at all, I appreciate the feedback! And I completely agree with you. I've thought about breaking up with her just to "release" her to pursue that, even though she says it's not important to her I still wonder if maybe she just says that to stay together, and is secretly hoping I'll change my mind.

Originally Posted By: BrightFuture

I assume that your X recovered from that horrible disease just fine. I agree with Cadet, considering all that happened in the last three years, you just donít know if the crisis is over.


She survived the breast cancer, but she has been plagued with other health issues since then. As a result of the treatments she ended up with lymphedema, and has to wear a sleeve at all times, even while sleeping to prevent swelling. She also has rheumatoid arthritis now which has caused difficulties walking and such. That said, she is doing well and seems content and happy. She camps out quite a bit with a female friend and gets the kids to go with her sometimes. Our middle daughter mentioned that XW still cries a lot, I assume about her health issues and not about me! I used to ask D about XW more but D got mad because she thought I was prying so I quit asking. I don't know much anymore beyond what XW tells me herself.

Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
One thing I wanted to ask you, if I mayÖ Your much younger GFÖ does she have kids? Will she want kids in the future, if she is serious about the R? What do you think about this? If you donít want to answer, Iím ok with that. It is just a thought that came across when I was reading your update.


She has a D, she will be 10 this year. We've had several serious R talks over the years. She would like another kid, and M. I've made it clear that I do not. I also told her that if she wanted to pursue that, that I completely understand and would let her go in peace. She insists those things are not -that- important to her and she wants to stay together. But as I mentioned above, it weighs on me because I feel like maybe I'm interfering with her future plans even though she says I'm not.

Originally Posted By: Gordie
AnotherStander,

I'm not sure if you will ever see this post, but just wanted to say I read your old threads and learned a lot. Our situations have a lot of similarities so appreciate what you had to share.


Well it took me 6 months but I did see it smile Thank you for your kind words!

Originally Posted By: Gordie
*M died slowly of neglect (no big issues)
*W still in love, still wants sex, but can't stay M
*180s were to be more attentive to W
*At the beginning you thought there was no OM, but at the end, you learned there was; if you had known earlier, would it have changed anything?


Yeah does that ever sound familiar! I still don't know when OM came into play, they were friends towards the end of the M and it did turn physical at some point, I think it was after we separated but before D. The M was done at that point anyway. It wouldn't have changed anything I did had it gone physical earlier. I still would have fought to get her back (even when fighting means giving time and space). I missed my old life so badly! But the old gave way to something new and different. I remade myself. I found a "new normal". And DB'ing and DB'ers helped me a lot. At first I did it to save my M. Then I did it to save me. And it did! I still do love XW, but not in any romantic way. I can identify with ILYBINILWY now, I get what it means.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: job] #2747680
06/20/17 08:41 AM
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Originally Posted By: job
You have to change your display options in the bottom left hand corner to all dates and then hit change in order to see postings that are further back then the current ones that are displayed for all to read.


Originally Posted By: Cadet

OR

Click on your name - Posts - Topics


Awesome, thank you both smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2747700
06/20/17 10:12 AM
06/20/17 10:12 AM
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Ginger1 Offline
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Well thank you for responding to my old posts! I'm glad to hear you guys are still together and what you have is working for you. It is very hard to open yourself up after divorce. I haven't lost my ability to do it, but I kind of wish I had sometimes......

To address your post to me, yes, FF stands for Firefighter. He is not my ex husband. We began dating in February and broke up in March. We also have an age disparity, him 27 and me 37. We cared for eachother very much and when things got serious, he looked ot the future and realized that kids are a must have for him. I had already mourned I wouldn't have any more kids. I opened up to it with him. However, by the time he is ready I will really be too old. It hurt like heck, but even if he came back tomorrow, I wouldn't take him back, not because I don't want ot be with him, because I want him to have those children and live that life he dreams of. He is working hard towards it, and being a stepdad (although he was very good with my D9) and being with an established woman who can't give him children in the way he wants, I would never want to compromise his chance to go find that.

This dating post D is tough. I hope to find a guy eventually who is where I am in life and wants to be a true partner.

So I keep my GAL, I am big into exercising (I met him in a small group fitness gym, actually, his sister was our instructor), I have signed up for a volleyball league, I enjoy times with friends and D9.

Congrats on your fitness goals! I am pretty in shape, but I like food and I like beer and I am not willing to give those up, so I got meat on my bones, lol. But it feels good for me mentally and physically to be active.

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: Ginger1] #2747701
06/20/17 10:12 AM
06/20/17 10:12 AM
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Ginger1 Offline
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I meant we broke up in may, not march!

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: Ginger1] #2748348
06/26/17 03:56 AM
06/26/17 03:56 AM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Quick update, I'm starting to wonder if XW is maybe pursuing a little bit. She's been texting and calling a lot recently. Our daughters came in town for my bday last weekend (my bday was a couple of weeks ago, but this is the soonest they could visit) and W invited me over to her house for cake and presents with the kids. Then W took us out to dinner, and afterwards we all went to a movie together (D23 paid). There are other things too, she's been telling me where she is and what she's doing and who with after years of not disclosing anything to me. Strangely enough it's happening at a time when GF and I have been futher apart than ever, we haven't seen each other in 3 weeks and are barely texting. Anyway I'm not reading anything into it, it's just kind of making me wonder.


Originally Posted By: Ginger1

To address your post to me, yes, FF stands for Firefighter. He is not my ex husband.


Thanks for the clarification! Sorry it didn't work out with him, but I can understand your concerns. They are similar to mine with GF and I'm struggling with that as well. This relationship stuff just never ever gets easier does it, LOL!

Quote:
So I keep my GAL, I am big into exercising (I met him in a small group fitness gym, actually, his sister was our instructor), I have signed up for a volleyball league, I enjoy times with friends and D9.


That sounds great! I used to LOVE playing volleyball! I haven't in years, but used to play 3 or 4 times a week in several leagues plus practice. Co-ed, 3 man and 2 man beach. Hope you have fun with it smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2748361
06/26/17 05:13 AM
06/26/17 05:13 AM
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doodler Offline
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Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Quick update, I'm starting to wonder if XW is maybe pursuing a little bit.


Are you interested in getting back together with your XW?

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: doodler] #2750001
07/07/17 03:37 AM
07/07/17 03:37 AM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: doodler

Are you interested in getting back together with your XW?


I'm not, I still love her... but I'm not in love with her, LOL!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2750030
07/07/17 05:52 AM
07/07/17 05:52 AM
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Cadet Offline

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Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
I still love her... but I'm not in love with her, LOL!

Yeah they all say that!!! grin


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2843274
03/25/19 02:04 PM
03/25/19 02:04 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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I had to go back and dig to find this thread, haven't posted to it in almost 2 years! Not much has really changed, I'm still dating the same woman but as time has gone on we see less and less of each other. We text a few times daily but have actually only seen each other 2 or 3 times since Christmas (3 months ago). Not sure if that's "dating" or "friends with benefits" or what, I don't really lose too much sleep over it as I'm perfectly fine living alone these days! Kind of enjoy it actually.

I do still have S16 every other week but he's very independent now. We've been working on teaching him to drive but it really stresses him out (not because of my coaching, he just freaks out about it). My two D's have both moved back to the DFW area, one is living with my XW and the other about 30 miles away but still in the metroplex.

I'm still very active in Crossfit and also joined Anytime Fitness and have added conventional weight training back in. Crossfit has helped my cardio immensely but I've lost muscle mass in 2 years of it.

What precipitated me posting this update is something happened yesterday that caught me completely off-guard. I went over to pick up S16 from XW's house and S16 told XW to show me the pics of one of our dogs. Turns out she had made a bunch of new scrapbook pages (this is a long-time hobby of hers, she makes these really creative, beautiful pages) and one of them had puppy pics of our dog from 7 years ago. So she was thumbing through the scrapbook pages of various kid events (marching band, color guard, etc.), and there were smiling pics of me on nearly every one. Now most were family pics but since our D she has made plenty of scrapbook pages and I have rarely made an appearance on them (she or the kids usually show them to me). But then there was an entire page with nature scenes from one of our vacations and only one picture with people in it- the two of us with our arms around each other. She started to flip to the next page and our son stopped her and pointed at it and said "awwwww!" I was really quite shocked, but managed to casually say "was that in Arkansas?" And she said "yeah it was next to that waterfall but it didn't show up in the picture very well." I'm not saying it means much of anything other than maybe she no longer just remembers the bad times but remembers we had good times too. But still, picturing her actually assembling this page of memories with just nature scenes and a picture of the two of us, no kids, no pets; I can't help but wonder what possessed her to do that.

Just in general XW and I get along really well, there's no awkward tension or anything. We coordinate things with the kids and pets and it all goes very smoothly. Sometimes we'll do things together with the kids, like a random lunch or dinner. We still do joint birthday parties with them. I have no idea if she's dating anyone but I don't think she is.

I have a mini vacation planned with the kids in about a month at Great Wolf Lodge. We went in early December and had so much fun we decided to do it again!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2843278
03/25/19 02:14 PM
03/25/19 02:14 PM
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Maika Offline
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So great to read an update about your sitch! You're always actively helping others out and it's nice to get a glimpse into what's happening in your life.

One question - did your ex date after the D?

The scrapbook pages is really fascinating. Taken that long to think of happier times together with you. It's so random.


No one is coming to save you!

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2843316
03/25/19 05:39 PM
03/25/19 05:39 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Hey Maika, I usually pepper bit and pieces about my sitch into the stories I tell in Newcomers, but I really should try and keep this thread a little more current!

So there was an OM who started out as a "friend", XW insisted he was "just a friend" throughout although one time I told her I would drop something off in her mailbox before work (this was after S but before D) and when I did at 6:30 am or so his truck was in the drive. So yeah, something was going on, at least for a while. Just after D she made no secret that she was on some dating sites and there were at least a couple of guys that she saw several times, but I don't think any of them lasted longer than that. That was several years ago and since then there's been no indication that she is seeing anyone, not even the old OM. I never hear her talk about anyone except a female friend of hers that she travels with and camps with now and then.

The scrapbook page is unusual although there has been a general softening of her position ever since D. A very slow and gradual one. She is more like her old self now than I have ever seen her I think. Laughing and joking like she used to pre-BD. For the longest time I didn't think she would ever change back, that menopause or whatever it was had permanently changed her. But that doesn't seem to be the case!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2861991
08/19/19 08:45 PM
08/19/19 08:45 PM
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AnotherStander Offline OP
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Hellllllooooo fellow survivors! My life just keeps rolling on and on, where do the months and years go? Not much new to report, I'm still seeing the same lady and we're still getting along well. Our dates had dropped off to once every month or so, we had a discussion about it and have been trying to see each other more often.

XW and I still get along quite well, we see each other about once a week. Last weekend was her birthday, I took her and the kids out to eat and gave her a few presents in the kids' behalf.

I still work for the same place, 18 years now, wow!

Still doing Crossfit although lately I have been feeling my age there more. It's pretty rough on my hips and knees so I joined Anytime Fitness (a while back, I may be repeating myself) and have been doing xfit less and weight training more.

I'm still exploring different artistic endeavors, the latest is I "graduated" from sculpting oven-bake clay and moved over to ceramic clay. I bought a small electric kiln and am very excited about it! Did my first bisque firing last weekend on sculpts I had been working on the last few weeks. All went well. I should be doing a glaze firing later this week. I'm also planning on dabbling in fused glass, I've done it before but now that I have my own kiln it'll be a lot more convenient.

Hope everyone is doing well and taking full advantage of this wild ride we call life smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2861998
08/19/19 09:40 PM
08/19/19 09:40 PM
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neffer Offline
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Great to read AS. Thanks for the update.


WW H(me): 49
W: 44
T: 24 M: 19
S: 14
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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