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Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: job] #2747671
06/20/17 07:54 AM
06/20/17 07:54 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,983
NY
Cadet Offline

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Originally Posted By: job
You have to change your display options in the bottom left hand corner to all dates and then hit change in order to see postings that are further back then the current ones that are displayed for all to read.

OR

Click on your name - Posts - Topics


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Wow it has been 4 years now! [Re: Ginger1] #2747679
06/20/17 08:39 AM
06/20/17 08:39 AM
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AnotherStander Online OP
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Now that Job has combined my old threads I see I missed some responses going back to 2015, oops!! Thank you so much for the replies and my apologies for taking so long to respond!

Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Because the dot button does not work for me even after one second, I just read what I wrote. I said I'd die laughing then say over my dead body. I take that back. I would not die because then I'd have to take him back over my dead body.


Hahaha! Well I'm not sure my reaction to XW would be THAT extreme, but maybe it would smile

Originally Posted By: Ginger1

Your woman sounds pretty serious about you. But if the thought of your ex showing interest would make your life turn upside down, you might not be as serious???


Well it's been almost 2 years since you posted that, I'm still dating the same young lady. The thing is, I just cannot seem to fully invest my heart into her. Unfortunately she has the same problem, probably because of a previous R she was in that was physically and emotionally abusive. So we kind of hold each other at arm's length. We get along fine and enjoy doing stuff together, but I don't think it'll ever progress beyond that. We've talked about it at length and she knows M isn't in the future, and she says she's OK with it. I've made it clear to her that if more kids (she has a D) and M is something she wants then she needs to pursue that with someone else, but she says it's not that important to her. Still, I do feel like I'm interfering with her future in that regard, it weighs on me a lot.

Originally Posted By: Zelda09

But a woman's reproductive years are precious, not to be wasted if she thinks she may have an interest in settling down. Don't let her think she can change your mind if she can't.

I do apologize if I am assuming too much here.


Not at all, I appreciate the feedback! And I completely agree with you. I've thought about breaking up with her just to "release" her to pursue that, even though she says it's not important to her I still wonder if maybe she just says that to stay together, and is secretly hoping I'll change my mind.

Originally Posted By: BrightFuture

I assume that your X recovered from that horrible disease just fine. I agree with Cadet, considering all that happened in the last three years, you just dont know if the crisis is over.


She survived the breast cancer, but she has been plagued with other health issues since then. As a result of the treatments she ended up with lymphedema, and has to wear a sleeve at all times, even while sleeping to prevent swelling. She also has rheumatoid arthritis now which has caused difficulties walking and such. That said, she is doing well and seems content and happy. She camps out quite a bit with a female friend and gets the kids to go with her sometimes. Our middle daughter mentioned that XW still cries a lot, I assume about her health issues and not about me! I used to ask D about XW more but D got mad because she thought I was prying so I quit asking. I don't know much anymore beyond what XW tells me herself.

Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
One thing I wanted to ask you, if I may Your much younger GF does she have kids? Will she want kids in the future, if she is serious about the R? What do you think about this? If you dont want to answer, Im ok with that. It is just a thought that came across when I was reading your update.


She has a D, she will be 10 this year. We've had several serious R talks over the years. She would like another kid, and M. I've made it clear that I do not. I also told her that if she wanted to pursue that, that I completely understand and would let her go in peace. She insists those things are not -that- important to her and she wants to stay together. But as I mentioned above, it weighs on me because I feel like maybe I'm interfering with her future plans even though she says I'm not.

Originally Posted By: Gordie
AnotherStander,

I'm not sure if you will ever see this post, but just wanted to say I read your old threads and learned a lot. Our situations have a lot of similarities so appreciate what you had to share.


Well it took me 6 months but I did see it smile Thank you for your kind words!

Originally Posted By: Gordie
*M died slowly of neglect (no big issues)
*W still in love, still wants sex, but can't stay M
*180s were to be more attentive to W
*At the beginning you thought there was no OM, but at the end, you learned there was; if you had known earlier, would it have changed anything?


Yeah does that ever sound familiar! I still don't know when OM came into play, they were friends towards the end of the M and it did turn physical at some point, I think it was after we separated but before D. The M was done at that point anyway. It wouldn't have changed anything I did had it gone physical earlier. I still would have fought to get her back (even when fighting means giving time and space). I missed my old life so badly! But the old gave way to something new and different. I remade myself. I found a "new normal". And DB'ing and DB'ers helped me a lot. At first I did it to save my M. Then I did it to save me. And it did! I still do love XW, but not in any romantic way. I can identify with ILYBINILWY now, I get what it means.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: job] #2747680
06/20/17 08:41 AM
06/20/17 08:41 AM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,170
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AnotherStander Online OP
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Originally Posted By: job
You have to change your display options in the bottom left hand corner to all dates and then hit change in order to see postings that are further back then the current ones that are displayed for all to read.


Originally Posted By: Cadet

OR

Click on your name - Posts - Topics


Awesome, thank you both smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2747700
06/20/17 10:12 AM
06/20/17 10:12 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 3,933
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Ginger1 Online
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Well thank you for responding to my old posts! I'm glad to hear you guys are still together and what you have is working for you. It is very hard to open yourself up after divorce. I haven't lost my ability to do it, but I kind of wish I had sometimes......

To address your post to me, yes, FF stands for Firefighter. He is not my ex husband. We began dating in February and broke up in March. We also have an age disparity, him 27 and me 37. We cared for eachother very much and when things got serious, he looked ot the future and realized that kids are a must have for him. I had already mourned I wouldn't have any more kids. I opened up to it with him. However, by the time he is ready I will really be too old. It hurt like heck, but even if he came back tomorrow, I wouldn't take him back, not because I don't want ot be with him, because I want him to have those children and live that life he dreams of. He is working hard towards it, and being a stepdad (although he was very good with my D9) and being with an established woman who can't give him children in the way he wants, I would never want to compromise his chance to go find that.

This dating post D is tough. I hope to find a guy eventually who is where I am in life and wants to be a true partner.

So I keep my GAL, I am big into exercising (I met him in a small group fitness gym, actually, his sister was our instructor), I have signed up for a volleyball league, I enjoy times with friends and D9.

Congrats on your fitness goals! I am pretty in shape, but I like food and I like beer and I am not willing to give those up, so I got meat on my bones, lol. But it feels good for me mentally and physically to be active.

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: Ginger1] #2747701
06/20/17 10:12 AM
06/20/17 10:12 AM
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Ginger1 Online
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I meant we broke up in may, not march!

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: Ginger1] #2748348
06/26/17 03:56 AM
06/26/17 03:56 AM
Joined: Aug 2012
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AnotherStander Online OP
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Quick update, I'm starting to wonder if XW is maybe pursuing a little bit. She's been texting and calling a lot recently. Our daughters came in town for my bday last weekend (my bday was a couple of weeks ago, but this is the soonest they could visit) and W invited me over to her house for cake and presents with the kids. Then W took us out to dinner, and afterwards we all went to a movie together (D23 paid). There are other things too, she's been telling me where she is and what she's doing and who with after years of not disclosing anything to me. Strangely enough it's happening at a time when GF and I have been futher apart than ever, we haven't seen each other in 3 weeks and are barely texting. Anyway I'm not reading anything into it, it's just kind of making me wonder.


Originally Posted By: Ginger1

To address your post to me, yes, FF stands for Firefighter. He is not my ex husband.


Thanks for the clarification! Sorry it didn't work out with him, but I can understand your concerns. They are similar to mine with GF and I'm struggling with that as well. This relationship stuff just never ever gets easier does it, LOL!

Quote:
So I keep my GAL, I am big into exercising (I met him in a small group fitness gym, actually, his sister was our instructor), I have signed up for a volleyball league, I enjoy times with friends and D9.


That sounds great! I used to LOVE playing volleyball! I haven't in years, but used to play 3 or 4 times a week in several leagues plus practice. Co-ed, 3 man and 2 man beach. Hope you have fun with it smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2748361
06/26/17 05:13 AM
06/26/17 05:13 AM
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Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Quick update, I'm starting to wonder if XW is maybe pursuing a little bit.


Are you interested in getting back together with your XW?

Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: doodler] #2750001
07/07/17 03:37 AM
07/07/17 03:37 AM
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AnotherStander Online OP
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Originally Posted By: doodler

Are you interested in getting back together with your XW?


I'm not, I still love her... but I'm not in love with her, LOL!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2750030
07/07/17 05:52 AM
07/07/17 05:52 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
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Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
I still love her... but I'm not in love with her, LOL!

Yeah they all say that!!! grin


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Remember me? 6 years post BD [Re: AnotherStander] #2843274
03/25/19 02:04 PM
03/25/19 02:04 PM
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AnotherStander Online OP
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I had to go back and dig to find this thread, haven't posted to it in almost 2 years! Not much has really changed, I'm still dating the same woman but as time has gone on we see less and less of each other. We text a few times daily but have actually only seen each other 2 or 3 times since Christmas (3 months ago). Not sure if that's "dating" or "friends with benefits" or what, I don't really lose too much sleep over it as I'm perfectly fine living alone these days! Kind of enjoy it actually.

I do still have S16 every other week but he's very independent now. We've been working on teaching him to drive but it really stresses him out (not because of my coaching, he just freaks out about it). My two D's have both moved back to the DFW area, one is living with my XW and the other about 30 miles away but still in the metroplex.

I'm still very active in Crossfit and also joined Anytime Fitness and have added conventional weight training back in. Crossfit has helped my cardio immensely but I've lost muscle mass in 2 years of it.

What precipitated me posting this update is something happened yesterday that caught me completely off-guard. I went over to pick up S16 from XW's house and S16 told XW to show me the pics of one of our dogs. Turns out she had made a bunch of new scrapbook pages (this is a long-time hobby of hers, she makes these really creative, beautiful pages) and one of them had puppy pics of our dog from 7 years ago. So she was thumbing through the scrapbook pages of various kid events (marching band, color guard, etc.), and there were smiling pics of me on nearly every one. Now most were family pics but since our D she has made plenty of scrapbook pages and I have rarely made an appearance on them (she or the kids usually show them to me). But then there was an entire page with nature scenes from one of our vacations and only one picture with people in it- the two of us with our arms around each other. She started to flip to the next page and our son stopped her and pointed at it and said "awwwww!" I was really quite shocked, but managed to casually say "was that in Arkansas?" And she said "yeah it was next to that waterfall but it didn't show up in the picture very well." I'm not saying it means much of anything other than maybe she no longer just remembers the bad times but remembers we had good times too. But still, picturing her actually assembling this page of memories with just nature scenes and a picture of the two of us, no kids, no pets; I can't help but wonder what possessed her to do that.

Just in general XW and I get along really well, there's no awkward tension or anything. We coordinate things with the kids and pets and it all goes very smoothly. Sometimes we'll do things together with the kids, like a random lunch or dinner. We still do joint birthday parties with them. I have no idea if she's dating anyone but I don't think she is.

I have a mini vacation planned with the kids in about a month at Great Wolf Lodge. We went in early December and had so much fun we decided to do it again!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
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