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A Message from Michele
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20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) #2438887
03/17/14 08:44 PM
03/17/14 08:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,145
A
AnotherStander Offline OP
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AnotherStander  Offline OP
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A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,145
Hey all, well as of today the D is done, so I'm moving my tale to this forum smile My lengthy sitch is journaled in my threads, here's a link to all of them:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&view=started&id=31339

As far as the D goes, XW and I worked out the settlement without involving lawyers. In my opinion the settlement was tilted in XW's favor, but involving L's would have cost a bundle and dragged things out indefinitely. I think the toll to my health and well-being was not worth saving some $$ on the settlement, so I agreed to it. Our court date was this morning and we were in and out in less than an hour. W's L walked us through some questions for the judge's sake and basically he just looked up, said he was granting the D, and that was that.

Now that the D is over, I can disclose something that I couldn't before- the reason I started pushing XW for the D is because I was offered a partnership deal at work. Both my partners did not want to sign until the D was on the books though, because they had concerns that XW might come after the business. Legally I don't think she could since we had already been separated over a year, but better safe than sorry. The ownership deal will be made official tomorrow. It's exciting and a little scary at the same time. But mostly exciting smile

Regarding my emotions, well I honestly slept like a baby last night, the impending D really didn't affect my PMA. Today I'm also feeling fine, there are some emotions kind of running in the background, if I had to name them I'd say it feels like shock and maybe some disappointment, but nothing serious. Overall I'm feeling good smile


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2438894
03/17/14 09:09 PM
03/17/14 09:09 PM
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
M
Mimi00 Offline
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Mimi00  Offline
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
Congrats on your partnership deal at work!
Good to hear that you're feeling well over all in the aftermath.

I really related to this from one of your final posts in your last thread
Quote:

I like to be in control of my life and I feel like ever since BD I've just been along for the ride, at the whim of my W. I mean I did GAL and I did work on myself, but regarding the M I was just a passenger. I feel like after tomorrow I will be back in control of my own destiny whatever that may be...


I like to be (or at least feel like I am) in control too... so when I am finally "freed" I think I will feel the same.

All the best to you on your new journey!!!


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Mimi00] #2438908
03/17/14 10:41 PM
03/17/14 10:41 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
B
Breakdown Offline
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Breakdown  Offline
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Posts: 1,144
Congrats on the partnership! For every door that closes, another opens!

I agree with Mimi on that quote....I felt the same. Certainly not what I wanted, but I will make the best of it!


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Breakdown] #2438928
03/18/14 01:20 AM
03/18/14 01:20 AM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 897
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JayMan Offline
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JayMan  Offline
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Posts: 897
You rock, AS. So incredibly proud of the journey you've been on, and of almost anyone I've ready, you deserve the new chance at life you've been given.

Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: JayMan] #2438932
03/18/14 01:46 AM
03/18/14 01:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 659
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unbidden Offline
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unbidden  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 659
God bless you, AS. You've really been a light to this community. smile

Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: unbidden] #2438965
03/18/14 12:05 PM
03/18/14 12:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 455
England, UK
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Upwards Offline
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Upwards  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 455
England, UK
You sound in a good place & have a very bright future, make sure you continue to share your DB experiences & knowledge with us over in newcomers smile

Good luck with your future.


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Upwards] #2438968
03/18/14 12:11 PM
03/18/14 12:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,887
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Georgiabelle Offline
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Georgiabelle  Offline
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Posts: 1,887
Congrats on the partnership deal! That is fantastic and glad you slept well last night:)


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: Mimi00] #2438992
03/18/14 01:48 PM
03/18/14 01:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,145
A
AnotherStander Offline OP
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AnotherStander  Offline OP
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Posts: 7,145
Thank you all for the kind words smile

Originally Posted By: Mimi00
I really related to this from one of your final posts in your last thread


It's a tough choice because standing does mean relinquishing control of the M. We take control of our lives through DB'ing, but if we choose to stand then we have to give up at least that much control and turn it over to our WAS. But it's a difficult thing just NOT KNOWING what the destiny of your M is. If the partnership deal hadn't come up, I wouldn't have pushed W for the D paperwork. But it did, and now that the D is over I do feel relief and I am glad it's done.

Originally Posted By: Breakdown

I agree with Mimi on that quote....I felt the same. Certainly not what I wanted, but I will make the best of it!


Right, my feelings exactly. Even though I nudged W to complete it, if she had EVER expressed interest in stopping the process then I would have agreed.

Originally Posted By: JonF
You rock, AS. So incredibly proud of the journey you've been on, and of almost anyone I've ready, you deserve the new chance at life you've been given.


Thanks Jon, sometimes I wonder if it's too much change in too short an amount of time, but after years of living life on autopilot it's time to shake it up a little wink

Originally Posted By: unbidden
God bless you, AS. You've really been a light to this community. smile


Thank you!

Originally Posted By: Upwards
You sound in a good place & have a very bright future, make sure you continue to share your DB experiences & knowledge with us over in newcomers smile


Thanks, I absolutely plan on doing that!

Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
Congrats on the partnership deal! That is fantastic and glad you slept well last night:)


Thank you, I slept like a rock last night too smile Met my partners for dinner and then we went to a Mavericks game. Got home just as D17 was getting home from work and she talked me into taking her to the store for ice cream. So I got to bed late and I don't think I moved a finger until the alarm went off this morning! I kind of use sleep as a barometer of what my stress and anxiety levels are, I had a lot of trouble with sleep the first few months after BD. But I've been sleeping like a baby for over a year with just a hiccup here and there when something troublesome happened with W.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2439013
03/18/14 02:25 PM
03/18/14 02:25 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 235
7
7720 Offline
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7720  Offline
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7
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 235
How long did the whole process take? Once you decided on D? If you did not agree on everything how long would it have taken?


m-12 yrs
m-42
w-40
d-11
d6
Re: 20 year marriage teetering... finally teetered ;-) [Re: AnotherStander] #2439021
03/18/14 02:42 PM
03/18/14 02:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,756
Denver
Underdog Offline
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Underdog  Offline
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Posts: 6,756
Denver
AS,

Welcome to Surviving. Maybe some day they'll change the forum heading to Thriving after Divorce.

Anyway, I can relate to the quickness of the D process in court. Comparing it to the wedding day, it sure seemed like a pathetic end to all the time we shared and the children we produced, and all the experiences and growth that took place. I remember just feeling empty and raw. That lasted about a day. And I'm being serious about it. The following day, I woke up resolved to move forward to creating a better place and space for myself.

As far as the real reason goes, I'm pretty sure that if your XW had given you the effort you deserved into creating the marriage that you wanted, you wouldn't have had to make that choice. So... congratulations for having a green light and taking advantage of the process. Hell, you had to have *something* swing in your favor, right?

Now go get 'em!

Good luck-
Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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