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A Message from Michele
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Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2577276
06/11/15 12:59 PM
06/11/15 12:59 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
Can someone weigh in on a legal issue?

Her car is worth $26,000 and it's fully paid off (we paid it off while we were married). My car is worth $16,000 and I still owe $9,000 on it. If we split it like she wants to (she keeps her car, I keep mine, and I pay my bill), effectively she's getting a $26,000 asset and I'm getting a $7,000 asset. No prenuptial agreement, shared finances throughout marriage. I do intend to hire a L, but I'm just trying to get as much perspective as I can.


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2577282
06/11/15 01:12 PM
06/11/15 01:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
R
raliced Offline
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raliced  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
Hi Card - all states are different of course - but in my state I can tell you they add up all the assets and all the debts and then split them 50/50. So lets say your only assets are your cars for the sake of argument. You would have 42,000 worth of assets and 9,000 worth of debt. You would each get $21,000 of assets and $4,500 of debt. She would owe you $5,000 for the car and also be responsible for the $4500 worth of debt.

Of course most people have other assets and all of that gets taken into account when you decide how to split things - so you might get more of the savings account while she gets the car, etc.

And all of this assumes these assets were community property acquired during the marriage.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: raliced] #2577634
06/12/15 12:50 PM
06/12/15 12:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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Posts: 898
They were both acquired during the marriage. Thanks for your input


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2577759
06/12/15 07:30 PM
06/12/15 07:30 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,340
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uRworthy Offline
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uRworthy  Offline
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Posts: 3,340
Yep, the goal is for it to be as even as it can be. Doesnt always work out that way, though.

As for the feelings you have about OM and her being back together....aside from how her moods affect your daughter, not your problem, right?

You cant force someone to see that they need to do the work. And I wouldnt be a sounding board for her right now. Not good for you or for her. She needs to figure this out...you need to let her.

Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: uRworthy] #2577772
06/12/15 09:02 PM
06/12/15 09:02 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,516
California US
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CaliGuy Offline
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California US
Card .. having been in the 'room' discussing such things ... another thing to keep in mind is the agreed upon separation date. (If you do not have one, I suggest you get that in there)

For me this Is/Was/Could be huge ... as all Debts/Assets acquired past such date do not com into effect ... for instance My date is Dec13 ... so we look where we were at THAT DATE, W has pulled 30k out of her 401 after that ... essentially 15k of that is mine, Also ... her car was paid off at that point, value of the car at that time ... again 50% mine, My vehicle I owed 15k at that time but currently that number is $8700, she however still on the hook for 7.5K of that debt.... at that time.

So legally speaking, and I know its one of those tricky things .. for me it was wonderful she agreed on the Dec Date, as I have all the paperwork and bank statements of balances of THAT time, soon after she pulled out about 7k in cash.

Financially she hosed herself if we D, I know this .. my L knows this .. she however only thinks she signed the agreed separation papers to start the D process when it was solely for me for protection.


M: 44
W: 44
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: CaliGuy] #2577775
06/12/15 09:07 PM
06/12/15 09:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline
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SunnyB  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Every time H pays the rent on his fabulous posh apartment, I think, that's half mine!



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: uRworthy] #2577856
06/13/15 02:54 AM
06/13/15 02:54 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Yep, the goal is for it to be as even as it can be. Doesnt always work out that way, though.

As for the feelings you have about OM and her being back together....aside from how her moods affect your daughter, not your problem, right?

You cant force someone to see that they need to do the work. And I wouldnt be a sounding board for her right now. Not good for you or for her. She needs to figure this out...you need to let her.


I do not intend to be a sounding board for her any longer. And I'm sure we'll cross that bridge soon, because -surprise!- he left again. Broke up with her today, apparently. And of course STBX is a train wreck yet again. But it's not as innocent as her just being mopey on her own. D3's bday party is tomorrow and she has a half dozen of her family staying with her from out of town this weekend. So basically their whole weekend is wrecked because STBX is off crying in her bedroom and they're all standing around like "ummm who is this person?"

I learned all of this because I went over there a couple of hours ago to drop off an air mattress and to say hi to these people that I've loved for 9 or 10 years. I get there and a few of them are outside, playing with D3. I found this odd because it's about 95 degrees with high humidity, and they're not exactly outdoorsy people. I talk to her cousin, who is STBX's best friend, and she informs me of the news. I was as unsurprised as humanly possible. I tried to enjoy some time with my in-laws. STBX popped into the living room a couple of times, bleary-eyed. It was just awful and I left way earlier than I would have had things been stable.

So that's break-up #9. I just can't believe STBX is the same person that I was best friends with and was married to for all of those years. That woman never let anyone walk over her. The WAS's really are the ones going through the bigger crisis.

And don't worry about me. This is all her from now on, at least from my perspective.


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2577857
06/13/15 03:00 AM
06/13/15 03:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,387
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PigPen Offline
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PigPen  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,387
Holy smokes, 9 break ups! You must have been through the ringer each and every time. My lord.

Sorry that this is your reality, it sounds like you've gotten to place where you're not only detached but the ridiculousness of it all must be borderline comical (if it wasn't real).

Good luck with the in laws and your D's bday party.


M 39 W 36
T5 M3
BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day
Served 9/15
D finalized 6/17
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: PigPen] #2578541
06/15/15 05:13 PM
06/15/15 05:13 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
C
Card29 Offline OP
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Card29  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
I wasn't aware of their PA for the first 5 or 6 break-ups, so luckily I've "only" had to deal with it 3 times now. But I'm not even dealing with this one. Steering clear and making sure D3 is taken care of.

Other than her mess, the weekend went well. Party was fun, I enjoyed catching up with in-laws, although one of the kids was upset I couldn't spend more time with him. Sorry buddy, I was hosting a bday party for 30 people!

I briefly talked to her cousin, and best friend, about her sitch. Cousin said, "I'm over it. She did this to herself. She needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with it." I lover her cousin to death, always have. She's hilarious and almost always on the mark with her thoughts.

I was over at her house for a little bit Friday night and then a while Saturday night. Both times were awkward. STBX sobbing in her room, everyone else thinking, "Who is this person and what's wrong with her?" Of the people at STBX's house (her mom, S, BIL, aunt, cousin and I), only the cousin and I knew about the full extent of the PA. Everyone else is under the guise that the dating with this guy started in January. It was awkward because I think STBX expected me to follow her back to her room and check on her, or something, but I wasn't doing that at all. Later, she finally came out with the group. Then she made this weird joke about being flirty with the lawn guy, which no one laughed at. Man she is such a mess.

I guess I'm still posting about her sitch to show just how chaotic some WAS's lives are in this period. In hindsight, it's blatantly obvious that I had no chance to "pursue" her once this thing started with him. She's obsessed with her "drug" (OM), and nothing/no one can convince her of anything different. She'll have to come to the realization herself. It seems like she's never going to make the decision herself, so hopefully for her sake, OM gets tired of whatever game he's playing with her, and she's forced to move on without him.


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: Card29 XI - Journey [Re: Card29] #2578550
06/15/15 05:29 PM
06/15/15 05:29 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
M
Mozza Offline
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Mozza  Offline
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M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Wow, thanks for the update, Card29. You seem to make the right call, observing that there's not much you could have done once this thing had started. It's quite fascinating that STBX can still imagine that he'll come back and they'll be happy ever after. What a mess!


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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