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One last thing. Over the last two months or so, I have seen through my partner's discussions how toxic the W's family was to the marriage and me.
It never really felt that way at the time. The W and I always felt like the black sheep of the family. But now meeting and spending time with the partner's family, I have realised how miserable the W's family was and how I really didn't seem to fit into the relationship with them. I was just the W's husband, rather than a son in law.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
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Originally Posted By: hotwheelsaust
I am still not having a great relationship with my sons, with very little communication and visits. I suppose I am going with the attitude that my son's are young adults and the parents are not the people they want to spend most of their time with.

I would say give your sons another 5 years or so.

Kids are not fully mature until around age 25.
And although my kids are so much more successful than me,
they have matured and want the advice and friendship
with their father.

In this case TIME is really on your side.


Me-70, D37,S36
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Thanks Cadet, the partner says the same thing. Give them plenty of time. And really that is all that can be done. They (hopefully) see a better father than I had ever been. A more positive person. Someone who actually thinks and cares about them.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,364
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Well just received a text from the W, asking if we could meet up for lunch this coming Saturday.
Strange how the new partner mentioned only a few weeks ago, that once the divorce hits the W, she will be coming around. Now out of the blue, lets do lunch.
So what do I do?
I feel that in some ways I should reply the way she did towards me in the beginning, with an answer like "what do you need to see me or talk about?" But I am better than that now.
I also feel I should ignore or simply state no. Again, that just isn't me and I know I couldn't do that to her.
I then feel that I should meet her, but could I regret (ie: affair is over, lets work on us etc)what is discussed over lunch, or do I really want to hear what she has to say.
I haven't replied to her yet, remember the 24 hour rule :-)


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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HWA,

Hey buddy...good to hear from you.

Hmmmm....interesting.

How do you feel about this?

What is your initial response in your head?

Ya know, it is not given that you must always say "yes".....

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Hey Wonka, good to hear from you also.

How do I feel? Well mixed feelings. Firstly I don't feel any love or excitement. Most of the feelings are whether she wants to talk about us and what didn't work or whether she wants to try something now. Otherwise my other view is, she wants to talk about buying the townhouse off me or something along the lines of what she wants or needs.
In a way, I am scared.
I am scared that I have started getting my life all sorted out, and now this comes along.
What if she now goes, lets try marriage counselling. My emotions would be all over the place.
While I am not prepared to walk away or give up on my partner, I also don't want to have in my head the "what if" from the W.
I now I don't have to say yes, but I am also trying to be the better person since BD and this is one of those moments that are hard to determine what is the better way.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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HWA,

I can understand your fears and uncertainty about W. If I were you, I'd go ahead and meet with W. I very much doubt she wants to get back together with you. Go in there with an open mind and go with the flow. Don't make any promises or assurances that you cannot keep. A simple, "let me think about it" is good enough.

Yeah, I can see that you've made some real progress and trying to turn around your life with your new lady friend.

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Wonka,
I don't want to keep anything from my "lady friend". So to make her feel comfortable, what is the best way to discuss meeting up with the W.
It certainly isn't/wouldn't be a great emotional moment for her.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,364
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Well I sent the reply. "W, I can meet you for lunch. Is there any specific reason you wish to meet? hotwheelsaust"

Got an instant response: "no specific reason. I know you have a partner now and that we are divorcing. I thought it might be good if we could still talk but i do understand if you think it's not a good idea."
Still I will go to lunch with an open mind, but also prepared for a lot of emotional things that might come up.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
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So when are you meeting?


Me-70, D37,S36
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