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Ontheup Offline OP
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just rambling:

Last night Wife and D8 came back after 2 nights away. when they got home wife was irritable and a bit snappy at me which I just completely ignored. Concentrated on d8 and getting her bathed and ready for bed.
Whilst d8 was in the bath my wife starts to tell me all about the time away and what they have done and the friend she has stayed with and they state of their relationship etc. I was friendly focussed on her responded back when I needed to. There was a couple of jokes and banter between us.
After d8 was in bed I settled down to watch a box set we are both watching together. Wife though continued to talk to me again for over an hour with more tales of their stay away, the state of her friends relationship and house and where she lives etc etc for over an hour. In the end we watched no tv show frown
Now im sat there being interested and responding and joking back but im looking at her thinking why the hell are you chatting to me about all this stuff? Why is it you want to sit there and chat to me? Do you not understand that in about a week or so I wont be here anymore and you wont be chatting to me? Its like nothing is going on with her. It was just the same banter we have always had. Its very hard to accept. If she was being a cold mean evil bitch like some you get on here I could understand but she isn't. Just cake eating. When does this reality sink in for her?


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

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Probably in about a week or so.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Good observation Starsky!

OTU, I'm sorry things are so tough right now. It may well be a relief to S and give you a better chance to move forwards. Sorry to butt in, but Starsky, things seem to have reached a critical point in my sitch today - see posts from this morning. If you have any wisdom to offer, I'd welcome it.

Toots :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Ontheup Offline OP
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haha
Very good starsky smile

Still had no response to my request for her account details so I can change direct debits!!


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

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I don't know which is worse, the being nice or ignoring you...at least you can communicate and show her your listening skills and attention.


Me:39 W:33
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D6
Found out about affair 9/14
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she wont have a choice soon

she eventually responded to my request for her account details. DD's moved smile


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
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Ok had the wrath of wife tonight. Somat has upset her. Maybe my earlier email asking for account details?.. Who knows.
Anyway. She came in from work ok but then not long later there was a conversation about my mum. Ahh yes my wife's number one enemy. So it went along the lines of"your mum emailed me while away saying will I LET d8 email" my mum back.
Now my wife took objection to the word let and decided to take it out on me. I said I'm not arguing or getting drawn into it and left it at that. She continued to prod the bear saying " do you think that's acceptable" I said not well worded but what are you asking me to do. She continued to prod looking for a rise. She was threatening saying she'll let my mum know in no uncertain terms. To which I said that's fine if that's what you want to do I can't control what you do. Then there was a snide remark about "is this what your councillor has told you to say" ahh so now we're getting somewhere. Upset I haven't said one word about my counselling session. I told her no but she is in control of whatever she wants to do. I then served up spag Bol and asked if she wanted cheese. By this point she was spitting flames. My mum arrived back with d8 and not one out of tone word was said by wife. All bluster. She doesn't really have much fire power at the minute to say anything to anyone.
Separate point my best mate today asked if wife was having an affair with OM. I said yes. He said was an easy spot with all fb pics(I'm not on fb) his wife also had an affair before they D. So if he picked up on this, my dad picked up on this my mum picked up on this then surely everyone else has. Not much of a secret really.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
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Anyone seen the film "the game" with michael Douglas great film. That's how I feel right now. I have no clue what is real anymore. Im Expecting any minute for everyone to just jump out and say surprise. Belated 40th bday present........ Not going to happen is it.......


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

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On,

Well I hope you can see that while it's actually sort of weird, it IS a lot better being nice to you, than her NOT being so nice. Agreed?

Besides, right or wrong, most people here LOVE it when their spouses are kind to them b/c they call it "baby steps" and then they try to build on those bonding moments.

I'm not sure that's a bad idea at all.




Originally Posted By: Ontheup
Ok had the wrath of wife tonight. Somat has upset her. Maybe my earlier email asking for account details?.. Who knows.
Anyway. She came in from work ok but then not long later there was a conversation about my mum. Ahh yes my wife's number one enemy. So it went along the lines of"your mum emailed me while away saying will I LET d8 email" my mum back.

Now my wife took objection to the word let and decided to take it out on me. I said I'm not arguing or getting drawn into it and left it at that. She continued to prod the bear saying " do you think that's acceptable" I said not well worded but what are you asking me to do. She continued to prod looking for a rise. She was threatening saying she'll let my mum know in no uncertain terms. To which I said that's fine if that's what you want to do I can't control what you do. Then there was a snide remark about "is this what your councillor has told you to say" ahh so now we're getting somewhere. Upset I haven't said one word about my counselling session.

No need to mind read at all, let alone so much. Just ASK your w what she means if you really care. My spin on that comment was that she was so unused to you having a calm response to her spew and that you did NOT take on the issue but left it in her hands, that she assumed it was advice coming from your counselor.

But hey, I could be wrong. Best to ask her directly, don't you think? I really REALLY like when you said "What do you want ME to do?" And then letting her know that it's NOT your battle but hers.

IF and when your mom is actually "rude" to her, then yes I think you ought to intervene (at least as long as you are married) but in this example, it's hard to see how else your mother could have worded it. She's asking your d for permission to email her granddaughter (i.e. your d).

She MIGHT have been implying something but she might not have. And unless/until it's clear, why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Same thing for your wife. But the more directly you communicate, the better and the more adult and healthy the r's will be.


I told her no but she is in control of whatever she wants to do. I then served up spag Bol and asked if she wanted cheese. By this point she was spitting flames. My mum arrived back with d8 and not one out of tone word was said by wife. All bluster. She doesn't really have much fire power at the minute to say anything to anyone.

Separate point my best mate today asked if wife was having an affair with OM. I said yes. He said was an easy spot with all fb pics(I'm not on fb) his wife also had an affair before they D. So if he picked up on this, my dad picked up on this my mum picked up on this then surely everyone else has. Not much of a secret really.



And you didn't need to say a word...

Keep on keeping on OnT, it does get better. Truly, it does.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Thanks 25

My heart was pounding when my wife started but I was determined not to get drawn in. I've had this about my mum for the last 6 months. Now there is an issue with my mum and boundaries which has been a big problem but now I know about wife's affair and how waw in affair blame everything on you to absolve themselves I'm not biting. I've already said I will step in if my mum is out of order but using the word let doesn't justify me jumping on my mum even if she was being funny. Wife still thinks she can bully me around. No more I say.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

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