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A Message from Michele
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Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: labug] #2517559
12/15/14 10:13 PM
12/15/14 10:13 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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paul19510 Offline OP
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paul19510  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
Hi bug! Thanks for checking in on me. Acceptance has been a process. My life today is better than it was a year ago. I could not even see the place I am in today from where I was standing this time last year. I continue to improve myself and work to ensure that I learn something new each day.

My GF and I are in a good place. I have so many of the things that I wanted. Still this experience has left a scar. Sometimes I find myself wondering why M couldn't be saved. I am understanding that I would have had to settle for a lot less than I have now. It wouldn't be healthy.

I am grateful for advice I got here. It helped me to make this transition much less painful. It helped me see my own faults and my contributions to the end of my M. It helped me to conceptrate on self improvement. When GF met me she found the work i was diing for my self and my kids was veey attractive. I vowed to myself tocontinue to do thatwork andbe that man. I have carried these lessons into my current situation and have vowed never to let myself travel the path I just did again. We all paid a price....kids, STBXW, me.

I didn't want to end up this way...yet this is where I am now. All things considered, I am blessed. I have been open and honest about my position that I would not have chosen D but I accept it. Does this make sense?


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: paul19510] #2517725
12/16/14 02:04 PM
12/16/14 02:04 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
Yes, it does. Thanks for writing it out.

Life is full of things we wouldn't choose, isn't it? Sometimes it does take a 2x4 to wake us up. At least it did for me. At some point for all of us, life will fall apart. It's part of being human. Becoming a person who is accepting of the uncertainties of life takes work.

It sounds like you're i a good place. ((( )))


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: labug] #2534079
02/03/15 10:28 PM
02/03/15 10:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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paul19510 Offline OP
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paul19510  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
Journal: I read my old posts from when I first got here. I feel like that Paul was someone else. I want to extend an apology to 25 for replying to her helpful post in the manner I did. I was not in a good space and didn't consider your words for what they were.

I have watched and listened here over the past several months and I am grateful for the time and energy that people invested in helping me.

During the past year I have renewed my pilot rating, learnedly to fly a jet, was the manager of my kids' team, learnedly more about meditation, committed to regaining my physical fitness (I have attended the gym 4-5 mornings each week and have become more toned and fit). I have been experimenting with cooking new dishes. The kids and my friends are enjoying the things I make. I continue to move forward in making a life for my kids and myself.

I did meet someone. My STBXW also did this. With time and distance from Bd, I have noticed things that I did in my M that were not helpful to staying healthy and happy. I have more empathy for others now. I take time to laugh and time to learn about new things. A friend remarked that they had never seen me so happy. I stopped asking WHY things were they way they were and tried to accept them as my reality. I am trying to take time to learn more about myself. I am hopeful for the future and am grateful for what I learn here.

STBXW and I are learning to co-parent better. Our convo's are more frequent now(she contacts me) and we don't seem as uncomfortable with each other. The post nuptual draft has been sent and is being reviewed by W and her L.

That's. All for now. Time to get the kids to practice.


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: paul19510] #2534156
02/04/15 04:37 AM
02/04/15 04:37 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,887
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Georgiabelle Offline
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Georgiabelle  Offline
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Posts: 1,887
Paul,

You sound great:-) That makes me do my happy dance!


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: Georgiabelle] #2534291
02/04/15 04:53 PM
02/04/15 04:53 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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paul19510 Offline OP
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paul19510  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
Thanks GB! I hope all is well with you.


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: paul19510] #2573520
05/30/15 05:04 PM
05/30/15 05:04 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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paul19510 Offline OP
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paul19510  Offline OP
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Posts: 883
Haven't been on in a while. My GF decided to end our relationship last night. she cited various reasons. Its hard to be feeling like this again, but I know I have grown as a person over the last year with her. Officially she asked for "time and space" I think that's just a way of being nice. She said she was sick about hurting me and the kids. If there is a next time, I will be much more careful. I let her into my heart and our lives and I really go hurt.


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: paul19510] #2573522
05/30/15 05:07 PM
05/30/15 05:07 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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paul19510 Offline OP
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paul19510  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
Divorce is almost complete. house refi is done. Closing in June. The post nup was provided. we are almost home. I had hoped that this would be a good time for me to move forward in my life with GF but apparently this was not to be.


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: paul19510] #2573529
05/30/15 05:26 PM
05/30/15 05:26 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,042
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,042
NY
I dont want this to sound like a 2x4 but it might.

You started a new relationship with GF before you were divorced, before you were whole and healed from marriage,
before you worked on your self and 180'ed all your faults and fixed your self.

My suggestion is to start over with DB, use a beginners mind and figure out some STUFF.
Cause none of us want to keep repeating these scenarios over and over again.

As much as I would like to say it is someone elses fault, who is the common denominator in YOUR relationships?

Sorry again - grieve what has happened and start working on YOU.


Me-65, D33,S32
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: Cadet] #2573577
05/30/15 07:54 PM
05/30/15 07:54 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
Midwest
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Bob723 Offline
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Bob723  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
Midwest
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Hello Paul,

I have never agreed with Cadet more than now! I hope you follow his advice.

Allow yourself time to grieve (you need that) and start working on anything you feel can make you a better person.

I'd like to pass this verse on to you:

“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:17).

I wish you well. smile

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Re: separated filed walking on II [Re: Bob723] #2573593
05/30/15 08:43 PM
05/30/15 08:43 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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paul19510 Offline OP
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paul19510  Offline OP
Member
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
thank you both for taking time to read and advise me. I will begin again.


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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