Yes, he calls every night, except for like either Friday or Saturday when he goes drinking, or so I assume. Today is a bad day, I feel so emotionally drained from dealing with this and long work hours just get me thinking about it. If I get through today without asking him when he intends in filing it will really be a miracle. I'm tired of having been plan b for 7 years to the Marine Corps and now to whatever this is. If it weren't for my daughter I think I'd be done.
Yes, he calls every night, except for like either Friday or Saturday when he goes drinking, or so I assume. Today is a bad day, I feel so emotionally drained from dealing with this and long work hours just get me thinking about it. If I get through today without asking him when he intends in filing it will really be a miracle. I'm tired of having been plan b for 7 years to the Marine Corps and now to whatever this is. If it weren't for my daughter I think I'd be done.
I'm no expert here (I'm a newbie too) but I think if you're feeling like that, maybe you should limit contact with him- just hand the phone straight to your daughter. That way you limit the potential time in which you could make a comment you may later regret.
I know it's really hard, and emotionally draining. I think that's why people on these boards talk about GAL ("get a life") so much. Getting out will give you more energy and make you focus more on yourself.
What are you doing to GAL?
And what are some changes you want to make in yourself? Are you working on you?
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
I didn't text him at all yesterday, I tealixed I was texting him almost everyday with something related to our D4 but I was still texting him. When he called to FaceTime with D4 I just put her on and didn't talk to him. A little while I to the conversation he started asking our daughter what I was doing. Then he asked to speak with me. It went well except he seemed noticeably upset when I mentioned that I had a planned vacation time in May. He seemed to think that when I alsed about his schedule it was for some other reason when what I wanted to know is if he could take d4 during that time. Of course I am speculating but he seemed really down. The mixed messages are never ending. If he doesn't want a divorce he needs to actually tell me. Today I had to text him about our d4 and he replied quickly, which he hadn't been doing.
I'm working on me, working out and GAL as much as possible, my job is just very cerebral so I think all day and inadvertently my thoughts turn to the sitch. Today was better though.
I wouldn't speculate too much...you never know what's in his head and it could just drive you crazy! Just state it clearly - "I'm planning a vacation in May and I need to know if you can take D4 from XXX date to XXX date."
What are your GAL activities?
And have you read DB or DR? You need to look deep down in yourself, and ask yourself what *you* contributed to the breakdown in this M. What specific complaints did your H have? What behaviours can you change/what 180s can you do?
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
I'm working out regularly, I'm taking archery lessons and planning things with friends.
I know that my insecurities have been probably the main motivating factor in a lot of our problems, I'm really trying to work on it. He never really complained too much, but he mentioned it once or twice.
I think what drives me crazy are all the mixed signals he sends.
I've accepted my part in our problems, specifically my insecurities and my need to always be right. I've realized that being happy is more important than being right, so now in our interactions if he says something thats factually incorrect, I just ignore it. I've been actively working out since, this helps with my self esteem and I'm trying out new activities.
He does have some anger issues, while he's never been violent towards me, other than shoving me once. He often feels that he's being disrespected by people, and this angers him. I'm sure he often felt I disrespected him and this must have been difficult since he has his own insecurities he deals with.
Back up a bit. It sounds as if YOU WERE disrespecting him, especially if you felt that you were always right. Did you feel the need to correct him often?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
It didn't occur to me then, that correcting someone when they are factually wrong could be seen as disrespect. Ive always believed that knowledge is power and sharing that comes from a good place, and while he never articulated it, I have a good feeling this is what he felt. However with him it goes beyond that. Traffic would make him angry, people walking slow in front of him, anyone questioning his motives or actions. Even offers of help were viewed as an insult. He did acknowledge during one of our last conversations how angry he feels.
I wish I could say I didn't do it often but I'm sure I did. Our educational backgrounds are very different, and I think that really rubs raw his insecurities about his intelligence. Which is odd because he's actually rather intelligent. But I suppose most of our insecurities are unfounded.
It comes down to pride. If you say he has insecurities, you don't prey on them by correcting him all the time. No one likes that. You're his W not his teacher. If you did want to correct him in some way, you can change the way you tell him without sounding like you're teaching him a lesson. Something like... "I think you're right, but I've also heard that ..."
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
