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A Message from Michele
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Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: T384] #2527109
01/14/15 11:28 PM
01/14/15 11:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 288
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JCred Offline
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Hi TO.. Gutsy move to post on my thread.... wink
I'm so glad you did..(thanks for knocking first) That meant a lot to me.

Did you notice how when you gave him the one word answer of "okay" when he told you he was getting rid of his truck that you got him thinking what is up with her. This then caused him to bring up a relationship talk didn't it..

That's what I have been saying.. Be more quiet, in your own world, if he talks, be polite, short answers that get right to the point, then shut up and go back to whatever you were doing... Great job..

Quote:
He had sent me a text saying he was getting rid of his truck. I just replied with okay. Later last night while he was on the couch he said that's it's really nice that I don't even care he's getting rid of his truck. I asked him why he thought that? He said because all you said was okay. You didn't say anything else like it doesn't even matter.


Justin Credible
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: JCred] #2527123
01/14/15 11:57 PM
01/14/15 11:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
T
T384 Offline OP
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T384  Offline OP
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T
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
Wish me luck. Walking to counseling from work now. Well running. I have 2 minutes. Darn those late admissions!


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: T384] #2527128
01/15/15 12:11 AM
01/15/15 12:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
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T384 Offline OP
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T384  Offline OP
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I'm sitting in the waiting room about to lose it. H is here. Didn't sau a word to me. Do I STFU during C and let him talk??


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: T384] #2527134
01/15/15 12:28 AM
01/15/15 12:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
2
25yearsmlc Offline
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CA- now East coast
Originally Posted By: T0324
I'm sitting in the waiting room about to lose it. H is here. Didn't sau a word to me. Do I STFU during C and let him talk??


Hey, this is just off the top of my head, okay?

But what's there to lose, by listening? See it as a reconnaissance mission, in which you are seeking as much information as possible.

At this point, I can't see any harm in you doing that. IF you NEED to tell him off,

Why make that today's task?

You really can tell him off, later. BUT you can't take it back later...

If you are pressed for answers from him (unlikely I'd think)

you can answer how you FEEL, and stress the sad parts, way more than the anger piece. I see No benefit to you showing him your anger.

If you want to act as if you have had that big awakening ("oh, H, No problem, WE will all be fine, thanks!"--) then go for it!

I mean sure I can see doing that. If you want to be authentic but also effective,

I'd either wait to PROCESS all that he's telling you (a legitimately time consuming exercise!!)

AND OR express "disappointment" that he still seems unable to

see your family and marriage, as the loving people/entity that you all are. (Believe that and let it radiate from within. Truly!)


If true, then at some point, you can make it clear

that you need to move forward in your "journey", to create the fulfilling life you and your children deserve...

Let him see what you see in the big picture... Meaning, that you actually pity him, b/c you know that it won't be long til his life alone or with nobodies, reveals itself to be a hollow existence.

Contrasting that^^ with what you are creating for you and yours...

It speaks for itself.


(((( ))))

Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 01/15/15 12:28 AM.

M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: 25yearsmlc] #2527185
01/15/15 02:56 AM
01/15/15 02:56 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
T
Train Offline
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Train  Offline
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Posts: 1,433
What's shakin', sista?

Give us the skinny.

Thinking of you. HARD.


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: Train] #2527193
01/15/15 03:07 AM
01/15/15 03:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
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T384 Offline OP
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T384  Offline OP
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Posts: 1,680
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Sorry! Literally just walking in the door after leaving at 5 this morning. I am whooped

H was there. I will write a more in depth summary tomorrow but he didn't mention D. Basically he feels since I told him months ago his debt is his debt that he has shut me out and will figure it out alone and now has been resenting me and angry for that. Even though I have told him I would help him recently he just can't wrap his head around that. He has an appt for IC Monday and we have one together Thursday.

He did say he doesn't know what he needs to be happy and he's tryig to figure that out. He admitted he's very depressed and trying to make things better the way he knows how. He asked the counselor several time what are your suggestions. What do you think I should do.

C told H ... I know you think she's the reason your unhappy but she's not. I know you can be happy with her but you have to be united not against each other.

He told H I need access to the phone now and whenever I want and no more sleeping on the couch.

He agrees with H going back to the old job under stipulations... Access to his phone, on my phone bill, I can go by whenever unannounced, no R with any of XOW family or XOW. Strictly business only. H agreed. More on all that later

I have to say I'm not jumping for joy. Not convinced but definitely way different than I thought. I REALLY expected another BD. And who knows I may get one but I didn't get one tonight.

Oh and go me I didn't cry! Lol I didn't react out of anger and C complimented me on how well I articulate things and that its great that I don't react to H negatively but said I can't sweep it. Under the rug

Thank you all for your support


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: T384] #2527197
01/15/15 03:16 AM
01/15/15 03:16 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
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Train Offline
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Get some much-deserved rest, girl.

I will reserve my comments from the peanut-gallery until you're able to give a full summary tomorrow. I'm glad, though, it wasn't what you anticipated. I try to tell my older daughters all the time that anticipation is usually FAR worse than reality. wink

Sleep well.


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: T384] #2527198
01/15/15 03:18 AM
01/15/15 03:18 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 288
J
JCred Offline
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Actually sounds positive..

Are you ok with him going back to the other job if you have all he promised? Looks like it could be a good compromise. Since the ex OW is getting married she may not be an issue...


Justin Credible
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: JCred] #2527204
01/15/15 03:29 AM
01/15/15 03:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
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gan Offline
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Sounds pretty positive so far, T0! It's great that your MC said those things to him.

Now take care of T0 for a bit!


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Re: T0324 part 3 [Re: JCred] #2527205
01/15/15 03:29 AM
01/15/15 03:29 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
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T384 Offline OP
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T384  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
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Sunny Florida
Ugh I had a huge response typed and my phone froze!

Train - I appreciate you thinking of me, it means a lot to me. Along with everyone else too!

Justin - I'm not sure. I really don't know. Like I said I am in protect myself mode. Very apprehensive of H.

I might be okay with it if the stipulations are maintained. It being temporary and being at night with no communication with anyone unless with Ex boss for business related issues only.

His agreement with C was the job is temporary, a few nights a week, no contact with the XOW or her stepmom, I can come by anytime unannounced, I have access to the phone whenever

The C agreed it [censored] and it's not ideal but he sees it as a potential positive. H can make more money and feel financially secure, he gets to be the male provider. He thinks it will take a ton of stress of H which in turn will improve our R.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
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