Barb, I do know that the lines do blur and the employed start to resent the employer. I dated a caregiver and she was taken advantage of big time...and still is from what I know. Now, please don't think I'm saying you took advantage big time but when people work in your home you begin to see them as family to some degree. The employee-employer relationship blurs. As Summer said, it's best to keep those lines clearly defined. The last employer my ex-gf worked for wanted her to have dinner with them every evening which meant her workday would end at 8 pm or so and started at 7 pm. They thought they were being nice and being a "family" without realizing that their relaxing time was still her work time. This is just an example and does not necessarily reflect your sitch but my point is that it's so easy to fall into the friends and family category with people who work in your home. You become intimate, they feel like family! So yes, step back and look at what their responsibilities are and what your expectations are and go from there. Hope I made some sense Have a great trip!
And you are right. I always tried to keep the lines defined but J was (is) a horse of a different colour. She was doing it to compete with L. But L is not here now.
Hows the weather in Toronto? I'll be there in a few.
Summer - the one thing I never made clear was that when L came in at 3 or 4 AM - she was showering and keeping J awake. J did talk to her about it but she did it again for 2 more nights (then went home). J also reported it to the agency. It was what all started this Merry Little Roller Coaster.
But I'm off. T is working today. She is just a joy. Always smiling, whistling, reading to Ryan. It is bad weather so they're staying in. That's a good thing!
Barb, Travel safely and do try to enjoy your time away. Everything will work out okay in time. Maybe the time away will give everyone a chance to decompress and hopefully a "fresh" beginning for the new year.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
---- "Then J woke me at 2 AM one night to say that L had gone out at 11 and not returned. She went and checked the nearby hot tub but when she did not find her - I called Security. They found her at another hot tub - about a 10 min walk away."
Just sayin' -- J's action wholly inappropriate here. You are neither worker's chaperone or parent. Not sure why she felt compelled to awaken you about some possible future contingent sleep interruption when L might or might not be noisy upon her return... -----
When favors are assumed it takes away a person's chance to be generous. And it is surprisingly painful to be robbed of the chance to be generous.