Georgiabelle used to always tell me. You can't make your SO be a parent. That's their job. I trust me. So much of what you write resonates with me. My H was so far off the deep end and I hated watching my boys suffer as a result of it. But if there is any advice I can give it is this ... My boys struggled more when I struggled. No matter their age, children are intelligent and really feed off of our behavior. Once I let what GB was telling me sink in I realized hey H isn't going to call them at night (he actually stopped calling/texting completely and would be out of town doing things we used to all do together) I figured I'm not even going to think about it and rather than wait around or hope he calls let's stay busy. We got into a routine and sad to say but the boys just got used to not talking to H. Once he was released from the aliens he tried to just jump back into dad of the year. It definitely took the boys some getting used to. Just be there for your S. Maybe he will benefit from counseling. I found with my oldest I let him know I was here if he ever wanted to talk and we had as open a relationship in regards to H and I as it was appropriate for a 6 year old to know (which wasn't terribly much)
In regards to the nasty messages and calls, I got those too. All the time. You've received some great advice. I always thought - the behavior you accept is the treatment you deserve. It sounds harsh but we can set our own boundaries. You just need to figure out what yours are. It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on that.
Most importantly. Remember to be human.. Take time for yourself.
HPoirot, start by forgiving yourself. Looks like from what I have read, you've turned things around. Take pride in that and understand you did your bit.
