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A Message from Michele
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Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: claire7] #2518724
12/19/14 10:32 AM
12/19/14 10:32 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
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KGirl Offline OP
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KGirl  Offline OP
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K
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 667
I'm not sure why but for some reason his sex request sounds more appealing now...like it's on my mind and I'm tempted to accept :s even though I feel "meh" about him. Maybe feeling less into him makes it seem easier to do?? It's not something I want to do lightly but given his mindset...I don't want to get hurt. But the idea is intriguing. Particularly how he said he had "prepared" and I am pretty curious about that. He's never done that before. Argh.

Last edited by KGirl; 12/19/14 10:35 AM.

Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
6/14: Separated (I move)
1/15: H filed for D
5/15: D final
Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: KGirl] #2518725
12/19/14 11:03 AM
12/19/14 11:03 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
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Maybell Offline
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Posts: 3,500
KGirl, what Mozza said.

You deserve a winning ticket.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: Maybell] #2518731
12/19/14 11:31 AM
12/19/14 11:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
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gan Offline
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Don't venture down this path, KGirl. I'm pretty certain you would regret it later.

Last edited by ganb8te; 12/19/14 11:33 AM.

H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: gan] #2518735
12/19/14 12:01 PM
12/19/14 12:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
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claire7 Offline
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
^^^ agreed.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: claire7] #2518737
12/19/14 12:08 PM
12/19/14 12:08 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
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claire7 Offline
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Posts: 1,428
Re read what you wrote on page 6 of this thread. That is your answer, I think.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: KGirl] #2518752
12/19/14 02:00 PM
12/19/14 02:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
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SunnyB Offline
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Originally Posted By: KGirl
I'm not sure why but for some reason his sex request sounds more appealing now...like it's on my mind and I'm tempted to accept :s even though I feel "meh" about him.


KGirl, read this again. Is the "meh" guy who you want to be having sex with? Don't you want to have sex with the guy who you have some excitement about? He's out there, go find him.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: KGirl] #2518797
12/19/14 04:15 PM
12/19/14 04:15 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
Originally Posted By: KGirl
I'm not sure why but for some reason his sex request sounds more appealing now...like it's on my mind and I'm tempted to accept :s even though I feel "meh" about him. Maybe feeling less into him makes it seem easier to do?? It's not something I want to do lightly but given his mindset...I don't want to get hurt. But the idea is intriguing. Particularly how he said he had "prepared" and I am pretty curious about that. He's never done that before. Argh.


Is it like the drug about which we say "just once more, then I'll quit"?

Codependency is sometimes called relationship addiction. You even said yourself that you it felt like addiction.

I'm not going to say not to, maybe you need to touch that hot stove one more time. If you do, protect yourself both physically and emotionally.

Take care of yourself.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: SunnyB] #2518802
12/19/14 04:20 PM
12/19/14 04:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
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zew Offline
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Kgirl, guy perspective here.

This lad needs to grow up a little. And he isn't going to move forward if he doesn't feel he's lost anything. And if you have sex with him, why would he think he has to change a thing?

He'll walk away thinking you're ok with the status quo. Knowing that, how does this move the ball forward? My goodness, you're 28! There is so much better out there for you.

Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: labug] #2518808
12/19/14 04:33 PM
12/19/14 04:33 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline
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KGirl, it's just my two cents, but I also think you would regret this. He is almost certainly doing this just to fulfill his physical urges. Unless you have the same urges and needs, with no implications for affection, real intimacy or commitment, I wouldn't do it.

Just do what is best for YOU. Only you know what that is. If you believe doing that would be a mistake, don't let a little curiosity (or a lingering desperation for the M) pull you in. And not only would it probably negatively affect you (shake up your detachment, possibly make you feel used), it sets a precedent in his mind, too: You are okay enough with this sitch to have sex with him, so everything is rosey in his mind. If you still ideally want the M to be reconciled, I don't think this is a stepping stone towards that, I think it's a barrier that would be built. Now he would not only have to want to restore your M, he would have to choose to give up a ~guy's dream~ (sarcasm), sex -commitment +individual freedom. I say that sarcastically because I don't personally share that dream, but some guys, especially those going through a crisis like your H, do consider that ideal. And you would be giving it to him. Do not expect him to suggest MC when it's over.

Last edited by Card29; 12/19/14 04:34 PM.

Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
Re: KGirl - one year later [Re: Card29] #2518812
12/19/14 04:36 PM
12/19/14 04:36 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 898
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Card29 Offline
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Zew, you beat me to it! You said the exact same thing as I was typing my own comment. There you go, KGirl, a consensus from the DB Guy's perspective smile


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16
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