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My grandparents and W's know about our S now. Her grandfather emailed me this morning offering his condolences and saying I'm welcome in their home anytime regardless of the outcome.

My grandfather called me and shared some sound advice, and recommended a book, which seems to be in line with DB principles. He inquired about the "why" and I acknowledged it involved someone else.

The more public this all becomes, and seeing W "not" change her attitude, I feel that D is more inevitable. Maybe this is the point where she breaks, or maybe it will cement her feelings, time will tell I guess.

Thanks all for the insight on detachment vs letting go. Very enlightening.

Last edited by Cristy; 12/18/14 08:38 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention other books or authors

UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
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W's grandmother text me as well...

"UC. Want you to know you are still part of us and still love you very much. Know we want you to come see us whenever you can or want to. I want to always be your Gram. Xoxo"


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
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Awwww, that's really sweet. smile


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: UpperCu
My grandparents and W's know about our S now. Her grandfather emailed me this morning offering his condolences and saying I'm welcome in their home anytime regardless of the outcome.

My grandfather called me and shared some sound advice, and recommended a book, Love Must Be Tough, which seems to be in line with DB principles. He inquired about the "why" and I acknowledged it involved someone else.


Tough stuff, UC. When my wife complained (SEETHED is more like it) about her telling her parents about her affair, I simply told her "I love and respect your parents too much to lie to them. I would NEVER lie to them."

Meanwhile, she was lying to them.

When we reconciled, there were two main things my wife said were a strong pull on her decision to come back to the marriage. One was that she missed me as her best friend; and two was the disapproval of our adult daughters and her parents was killing her.

FWIW. Exposure isn't advocated by MWD, but I would certainly never advocate anyone LIE, either, if asked by a beloved family member.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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I've been dancing that line a lot lately Starsky, and my feelings are in line with yours. I Haven't openly exposed the A, but those who ask the "do you think there is somebody else" or "why did she really leave" do not get less than the truth from me, although I do keep it to the point and don't expose the full details.

I've been all warm and fuzzy with all in W's family. I'm sure she is burning inside. She recently visited the grandmother quoted above, after the affair, and was saying she was annoyed that her Gram was raving about how amazing I am to all her friends in front of W - and I wasn't even there!

Intel shows she is stalking OM and his GF A LOT lately. I have a feeling her family won't be so accepting of OM if he ever does make it into the family... Especially if I take up the offers from her family to drop in from time to time.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Joined: Oct 2014
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Not much of an update on the sitch, but W is in fantasy land on one of her out of town projects this week. Thanks to student loans and having a part time student job she can continue to live it up. Sigh. Reality is coming soon for her though.

Probably won't see her for a month, although we might cross paths around Christmas when we are both back to our home town visiting family. Her dad is keeping in touch with me this week as well.

I've got a lot of GAL activities this week. Multiple things planned some nights and work is very busy. Taking it all one day at a time. This detachment thing is growing on me. Feeling waves of freedom - free from a partner who has been lying and deceiving me. Free from a complete lack of respect. Financial boost from paying for only one is starting to set in. There are some cute ladies around here too. smile

Hope you all are hanging in there!


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Joined: Oct 2014
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W broke the silence after 10 days of no contact. She text me asking about when a credit card is due which she agreed to begin paying on. I gave her the most recent statement last week so she has the info. She is out of town for the next month so I assume she didn't bring the bill with her. Durrrr.

Looks like she blocked me on one of the social media sites tonight too.

So she is thinking about me tonight, and they probably aren't good thoughts.

I dont plan to respond to this one.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
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UpperCu Offline OP
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W text me again this morning after not getting a response last night. Here it is:

"H?"
"If texting is too weird, we can email? But this stuff has to get resolved."

I would normally respond with loads of information, but I'm trying to stay dark. Any thoughts?


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
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Quote:
I would normally respond with loads of information, but I'm trying to stay dark. Any thoughts?


What does it accomplish by not answering?
It's not pursuit or showing weakness to answer a question about bills or a credit card...

Just make it short and to the point.. Tell her you have been busy and just now found the time to text back the information... It' fine to tell her you gave it to her last week, but not necessary......

Then go dark again... Please don't confuse being dark with being mean, rude or vindictive... Those certainly aren't attractive qualities in an emotionally mature, confident, busy man....

Good luck


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Could you just respond with:

Hi W. I gave you the statement for this last week. H


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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