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UpperCu Offline OP
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Intel shows that W has NOT been in contact with OM, but that she has been thinking about him A LOT since she moved out. Seems like she is dealing with jealousy - she spends as much time looking up OM's girlfriend as she does looking up OM.

It appears I have also at least popped in her mind a few times the past week. She hasn't initiated any contact in the past week.

There could be other OMs, but I don't think so. The way she is obsessing about OM, I think I would be able to decipher a new OP.

I have a meeting scheduled with W and a mediator this week. I am thinking of canceling and rescheduling a solo visit without W. The mediator is a therapist and all I'm really wanting to meet with him about is to make sure we aren't overlooking anything major in the SA before taking it to the atty. Basically I want another unbiased set of eyes on our sitch before moving forward. Canceling could give me more info on where W is at and put the ball back in her court to initiate contact if she so desires. Thoughts?


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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UC,

Originally Posted By: UpperCu

I have a meeting scheduled with W and a mediator this week. I am thinking of canceling and rescheduling a solo visit without W. The mediator is a therapist and all I'm really wanting to meet with him about is to make sure we aren't overlooking anything major in the SA before taking it to the atty. Basically I want another unbiased set of eyes on our sitch before moving forward. Canceling could give me more info on where W is at and put the ball back in her court to initiate contact if she so desires. Thoughts?


I think this would be worthwhile to explore. Do something different and monitor the results.

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UpperCu Offline OP
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I'm on the low part of the roller coaster right now. Please pray for me.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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UC,

Sending you positive vibes. I hope you're doing okay.

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UpperCu Offline OP
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My PMA is in the toilet right now, so thanks for the quick reply Wonka.

Saw W at lunch today. I canceled the mediator appointment and text her to let her know. She asked if she could stop by sometime this week to pick some stuff up since we won't see each other at the appt. I told her I was pretty busy so I would prefer to just drop her stuff off. Maybe she wanted to hang out or something, I dunno. I feel like I really just want to push her away right now. It's too hard to see her.

When I did see her, she looked like crap. Tons of makeup and she looks like she isn't eating enough or working out anymore. She has always been fit and healthy. Now she looks fake, frail, and goopy. Woof.

She said she found a place to live after her temporary arrangement ends.

I didn't say much, but she brought up one of my GAL activities (playing basketball with my church) and she was surprised to hear that.

After we parted ways I went back to work and my day went downhill mentally. PMA was awful and I felt disgusted thinking about W.

I texted her telling her I wanted to move some of her stuff to a storage unit. She asked why I can't just wait a month until she is back from her holiday travels. I told her I am not trying to pressure her but I am thinking about getting roommates.

It's true, I have been thinking about getting roommates,but I guess I lied, I do want to pressure her to ACT. I feel like she moved out while leaving one foot (and a bunch of stuff) in the door.

What I really wanted to say is... I was a good husband and loved you and you found some stranger who apparently fits into your fantasy life and then you decided to leave me. This is really hard. I can't stand to feel this awful over and over again while you go about your merry way. I just want to move on with my life and never see you again.... Didn't say that, but that's how I'm feeling at the moment.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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((((UC))))

So sorry you are feeling really low. I get that. That feeling of being discarded so quickly for someone new and shiny is the worst feeling in the world.

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UpperCu Offline OP
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Wonka, please teach me how to think like you. I'm feeling validated by your simple comment right now. smile

I often just think about how I feel and I'm probably steam rolling over my W's feelings.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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UC,

Originally Posted By: UpperCu
Wonka, please teach me how to think like you.


Not sure about that as I am a woman and you're a man....not sure if I can teach a caveman how to think like me. wink grin

All kidding aside....

Originally Posted By: UpperCu
I'm feeling validated by your simple comment right now. smile


It wasn't hard at all because I HAVE BEEN exactly where you are right now and I do remember that feeling all too well. It wasn't how I think, but how I felt in the first stages when Ms. Wonka left. Not the most pleasant feeling in the world for sure. shudder

In my case, I was away at my office all day when Ms. Wonka and presumably her family & the OW packed up the furniture at our marital home. No way in hell was I gonna hang around and see that unfold.

After I arrived back home at the end of my workday, I was greeted by my late beloved dog and I crashed into the bed wracked with sobs after walking through an almost half empty home.

Never want to live through that kind of trauma again.

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I'm so sorry UC. I wish I could offer some sort of help but I'm afraid I'm in the same boat as you my friend. Praying for you.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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UpperCu Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Wonka
UC,

Originally Posted By: UpperCu
Wonka, please teach me how to think like you.


Not sure about that as I am a woman and you're a man....not sure if I can teach a caveman how to think like me. wink grin

All kidding aside....

Originally Posted By: UpperCu
I'm feeling validated by your simple comment right now. smile


It wasn't hard at all because I HAVE BEEN exactly where you are right now and I do remember that feeling all too well. It wasn't how I think, but how I felt in the first stages when Ms. Wonka left. Not the most pleasant feeling in the world for sure. shudder

In my case, I was away at my office all day when Ms. Wonka and presumably her family & the OW packed up the furniture at our marital home. No way in hell was I gonna hang around and see that unfold.

After I arrived back home at the end of my workday, I was greeted by my late beloved dog and I crashed into the bed wracked with sobs after walking through an almost half empty home.

Never want to live through that kind of trauma again.

Thanks for the insight Wonka. It couldn't have come at a better time. I see that W, my family, and my friends really cannot understand my side of things. They haven't gone through betrayal and pain like this before.

I fell asleep last night and W started texting me again. Here is our convo which picks up after I told her I would reconsider moving her things out before she is ready:

H, I just need consistency. A lot is changing, I'm doing the best I can do. I'm getting ready to leave, I'm packing, finding a car, finding a place to live, and the last thing I need is to move my stuff... Twice. So tell me what you need me to do. I thought we had agreed on something, but it appears that you had something else in mind...

You have a lot of big stuff going on. Sorry for not being sensitive to all of that

No problem. I get that you have your own life to deal with. I just really need some some follow through right now as I figure some stuff out. Do I need to come get all my stuff?

What's on your mind?

A lot. Everything is okay, as much as it can be right now, but I just really wasn't planning on moving my stuff until I had a place to move into in January.

If you're open to talking more about what's on your mind, I am open to listen. I care about how you feel W

I know you do H. And it's really cool that you are so compassionate right now, but I have to not rely on you for emotional support. It's hard enough moving on as it is... Ya know?

What I really need from you is your word. When we agree on something, I need you to be able to stand by it. If that's something you can't agree to right now. I understand. Just tell me what I need to do so I don't have to worry about it while I'm gone...

I leave this Sunday.


I get that it feels like nothing is stable right now. I'm looking for the rock bottom of all this too

Your things are okay as is, I see this is a tough time for you right now. I guess it really wasn't even worth mentioning. Let me know if you still need to stop by to grab anything before leaving Sunday

Ok, thank you. That helps a lot. Everything okay with you?

There are ups and downs. I'm glad to have such a good network of friends here

Yeah... I hear you on that. I'm so sorry for causing you pain...

Thanks W. That means a lot

Of course. I know we will both be okay... But it doesn't make it any easier right now.

Yup. It's certainly not as simple as it seems from the outside tho. There were years of rough roads leading up to this.

I can't imagine how difficult all this is for you right now. We are experiencing much different things.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
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