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A Message from Michele
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Feel I am causing more harm by staying!!! #2512859
12/02/14 05:52 PM
12/02/14 05:52 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1
D
deuguo Offline OP
New Member
deuguo  Offline OP
New Member
D
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1
Hi all,

I have been following this forum for a while and it looks like a good place for me to state my problems. I am a Husband married for 2 years now and have a small kid. I am addicted to P and have been addicted for almost 15 years with multiple attempts to quit. I have decided to live my life with it and there is absolutely no way I am going to tackle this issue with my spouse. Ours was an arranged marriage setup by our parents. Every day since our marriage has been an ordeal. I have made best possible efforts to keep the marriage going. I could not broach the topic of leaving as she was pregnant. Now that everyone is healthy and good to be on their own, I am thinking of leaving..before my addiction starts to show and cause irreparable damage to all our lives.

Only other option I see is to run away without anyone knowing. I have never ever dealt with an issue heads on..and have always let matters get out of hand before dealing with it. Running away seems to be the easier option, but divorce seems to be the correct option. Counselling and talking about quitting this addiction are out of the picture as I am 100% sure the won't work.

I might just be looking to confirm my views here...But I was wondering if there was anyone out there with similar issues.

Thanks
DG

Re: Feel I am causing more harm by staying!!! [Re: deuguo] #2513207
12/03/14 01:35 PM
12/03/14 01:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline
Member
Cadet  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Welcome to the board

Sounds like you have some major issues.
I am assuming that P refers to marijuana.

Addictions are very powerful and I guess the unfortunate thing
is it really has nothing to do with your marriage.

If you can't FIX yourself and dont want to try I am
afraid that you will continue in a very bad cycle for
the remainder of your life.

So your wife is pregnant and you think running away is going to FIX things.
Afraid NOT!
Your kids will have NO DAD, how horrible.

How old are you?

What was your childhood like?

What makes you think that P will HELP you?

Do you want to die?

Sorry for asking such difficult questions but you need major help.


Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Feel I am causing more harm by staying!!! [Re: Cadet] #2514827
12/07/14 05:32 PM
12/07/14 05:32 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,852
UK
V
Vanilla Offline
Member
Vanilla  Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,852
UK
This is very difficult but very hard to stop on your own with any addiction. If you read my thread you will see I am with a H who has multiple addictions.

You will need professional help, and along with that truth and a heavy dose of realism. Start by contacting a 12 step programme such as NA. They often have access to resources and additional help.

You really need to buy into recovery, running away is an addicts last action to hang on to their addiction. Of course DB can help but in truth you need on the ground resources and intervention and the will to change.

You are at a cross road, well done for reaching out on this as it shows you want action and change. No one can do this for you but you. Will you take the difficult path?

here is the link
http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
Vanilla

Last edited by Vanilla; 12/07/14 05:34 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Re: Feel I am causing more harm by staying!!! [Re: Vanilla] #2518107
12/17/14 02:39 PM
12/17/14 02:39 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,900
Piney Land
R
Rick1963 Offline
Member
Rick1963  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,900
Piney Land
Addictions can all be treated. Are u addicted to pot or porn? The treatment of addiction begins by the person wanting to change. If u dont see i need to change than u wont. Losing a family over an addiction is not a good plan. Glad you are asking for help


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






Moderated by  Virginia 

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