Question for everyone: right now H takes D12 every Thursday, plus every other Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. (D16 never goes over there, her choice.) I was thinking about offering an additional weekday, Wednesday on the weeks that he doesn't have the weekend. He has not asked for additional time. Is there any downside to offering that?
For the sole purpose of playing nice and moving a little closer towards 50/50. No other reason.
H originally suggested 50/50 in the form of one week mom, one week dad. I said no, and countered with every other weekend, which really amounted to 2 days out of 14. He agreed. Later, but before the S, I offered our current schedule of 5 days out of 14. He agreed again. And that's what we've been doing for the past month, it is working well for both of us, and D12 is happy with it.
I'm just trying to keep in mind that he did originally propose 50/50 and inching towards that. If I were to propose it and he said no, then it would be no big deal to me. And D12 would never know.
I know as a father, I would be pretty concerned if one of my children didn't / wouldn't visit.
Yes, bdub, I would be concerned, too. But I'm not the father she won't visit. I'm the mom who refuses to get in the middle. She knows from my perspective that she is welcome to go over there and that I'll help her logistically. But she doesn't want to, and I'm not going to make her.
She doesn't want to visit H because she sees him as a guy who cheats on his wife and walked out on his kids. He created that and it's his to fix.