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Joined: Apr 2014
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Either you will kill it, mowing is then not a drama till it regrows in oh about 6months

Or is stunts it. It is cheaper if you know someone who can buy it from the rural store. You need chem cert etc and other government bs. So joe blow can't buy it.

You can however buy super and diesel and make a bomb. Mutters about government bs and rules.

Same as matches and sparkles any kid can buy unlimited amounts but my 16yo cannot buy a bic lighter. If your smart sparklers and matches well the sky is the limit. Ask the 16yo!


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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The family friend I mentioned earlier was a sprayer so he has access to the good stuff. He's semi-retired now due to physical breakdown hence having not seen it yet. That's why I think it'll be done like you suggested. ie. Woolies. It's just another thing on the to-do list really. Aside from where the kids play and keeping the landlord off my back, I'm not all that fussed about the yard. There were reports of snakes about three weeks ago but without time, money and the proper tools there's only so much I can do, especially now on my own.

One Powerball... smile


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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How bout I swap ya, my to do for yours?

If yours is only the lawn, mine got a million things on it. Like in a min dead lamb will be arriving for me to pack away in the freezer. I suspect there will be 2 or so.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Joined: Dec 2013
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Haha, I'm good with mine. I just need some extra hands, time and money and I'll be right. Give me a couple of hours with my kids tomorrow and you can have them though smile


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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Yumo, my chops arrived.

Dead bah bah! Awesome.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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OP Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
Journaling:

I had a feeling I hadn't had in a while today. I missed talking with my wife. I spent much of yesterday by myself and all of today with my kids and it reminded me of a conversation my wife and I had before we were dating. She mentioned at the time that she enjoyed my company because I could give her an adult conversation instead of being alone or talking to S7, who at the time was 3. All my wife and I seem to have done lately is fight or disagree, so the break is good for us, but I had the feeling that I missed the interaction with her.

The feeling didn't interfere with the interactions I did have with her today though. She is out of town again on training and I notified her of a bill that had come in. We exchanged briefly, she updated me on work things and she mentioned she would be going to annual conferences with this new position. I kept things light hearted by saying my preferred destination and time to which she replied that she would be going and not me. I left the conversation at that and got on with my day. It wasn't worth continuing on with. In the evening, she called my phone to speak to the kids and when the phone was passed back to me, she mentioned that a storm was coming so I said "ok then, have a good night and I'll catch you next time" and hung up.

I think the feeling today makes my soccer games on Wednesday nights more important for me. It's the best chance I'll have outside of work to interact with adults so I'll be looking forward to it. Work is good at times for interaction but I work with teenagers much of the time and occasionally it feels like babysitting older kids. I did think of finding websites for talking to people but that's what got me into this mess in the first place so I think I'll just tough it out back in the real world.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Joined: Dec 2013
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I swear I have the patience of a saint lately. I've made a conscious effort to not yell at the kids. I have a short fuse and without my wife around, I understand just how important this time is for bonding with the kids. It hasn't been perfect; I've lost my cool a few times but by and large, I've done really well. Something that bothers me is that when one doesn't listen, they all don't listen, which includes my dog who is about 14 weeks old and going through the puppy version of the toddler stage. How I'm doing this on my own is beyond me but it's taking a lot of patience and breathing.

My wife is also testing me. Earlier today, I sent her an image of the wedding invitation my brother and his fiance sent us. She told me she shouldn't have been included on the invitation since we're separated. I validated what she said and reminded her that while she feels this way, she is still seen as family by my family and was invited accordingly. She told me she thought it was a guilt trip, which I validated but didn't agree with ("sorry that you feel that way). She continued on but there was nothing worth responding to so I didn't.

Later in the night, she called to speak to the kids and asked about money. We had discussed previously that I would save as much as I could and we would pay the remainder from her first pay. My work hours have been decimated this week as my babysitter broke her foot and was unable to look after the kids one day. It was too late in the pay week to call a swap so I offloaded the shift completely. My kids come first. I also accidentally used my savings account instead of my credit card account which didn't help but wasn't 'end of the world' stuff. My wife appeared to have forgotten this conversation and started getting huffy about it. I realised that she wasn't going to accept responsibility and decided to end the call. I am still her husband but her attitude needs a severe adjustment right now and if she is not going to listen, ask about events that have a bearing on her and our family, or treat me with respect, I am just going to leave her to her devices and figure out solutions behind the scenes, without her, so that when it comes time to act, I've got it all figured out. Granted, I won't have the money in time for her to pay the bond but she knew that, discussed alternatives and appears to have forgotten what she's said. I can't help her under these circumstances; unfortunately, I must leave it up to her to solve. I'm always here to help though if she decides to act as a teammate.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
I found an article worth reading. Funnily enough, I found it on my wife's best friend's Facebook page.

http://earthweareone.com/6-toxic-relationship-habits-most-people-think-are-normal/


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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OP Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
I definitely have learned the art of patience. My wife is back home from another week of training and her attitude towards me is negative again. She effectively ignored me when the kids and I went to greet her, grumbled about a garden hose then refused to answer my questions when I tried to clarify what she was talking about, ignored me about something else and then undermined me by giving D4 a drink when I told her she had already had a special drink and had to eat some dinner before I'd give her more. My wife challenged me by suggesting she would leave if that's what I wanted. It took every fibre in my body to quickly calm myself down, tell my wife that is not what I wanted, that I felt ignored and disrespected by her and stated my desire to speak to one another more constructively.

That appeared to fall on deaf ears but I am getting better at stopping myself, calming myself down, thinking about the situation and expressing my feelings in a matter-of-fact way rather than reacting emotionally as I used to do. I have the kids to thank for that as I've practiced this ad nauseum these past two weeks. The kids were much better behaved this week and I was hoping for a peaceful weekend with my wife but she doesn't appear to be interested in working together just yet.

A fear has crept in that things may become very difficult soon. I really don't know where my wife's head is at but things have gone downhill very quickly in two weeks. Two weeks ago, I was accompanying her to look at houses in her new town and now, she doesn't want a bar of me. I'm here in the trenches, doing the hard yards with kids and work and I am having difficulty trusting her to the point that I won't feel comfortable following her to the new town unless I can support myself; a move that may not happen for a couple of years if I can't find work. My wife has accused me of controlling situations before and if she starts to miss the kids, I expect this accusation to come up again. Ultimately, I won't move if I can't support myself and the kids. It just can't happen.

On the bright side, I'm at work for most of tomorrow and my wife leaves early on Sunday. I do want this to work but the woman who is sharing my house right now is not the woman I married. I'll be glad when my wife appears again.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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OP Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
I got some good spew for the first time in a while and a confirmation that the person inhabiting my wife's body right now is not my wife. My son was being rude to me and I calmly told him that I didn't appreciate it. My wife defended my son and told me I was being rude. I took a breath and restated to my wife and son that I felt S7 was being rude. That started my wife...

She said that I had things I wanted to say to her and I agreed. I told her that I wanted to be able to talk constructively with her to which she replied that unless it was about the house or kids, she wasn't interested in discussing anything. I responded by calmly stating that I felt she had been disrespectful and ignorant towards me the past 2.5 weeks and I felt that we were even unable to talk about the house and kids properly.

I probably should have stopped the conversation there but it briefly veered towards our relationship over the past year, me talking about my personal growth, her telling me that I was speaking to her like a child and that I would always be a cheater. I told her this was unfair and that I hoped her attitude towards this would change in the future. She laughed sarcastically at me and I dropped the conversation.

I still have some work to do with these conversations. I could have stopped it much earlier, and should have, though I am a lot better at recognising these situations, breathing and thinking through it and changing course quickly. I also feel a lot more confident calling her out on her poor behaviour, bringing it up out of self-respect and self-worth if I feel the need arise. I'm also able to shrug off negative comments ("once a cheater, always a cheater") because I know who I am, where I've come from and where I want to go. I do hope my real wife returns some time in the next 12 months but I'm not going to put up with her sh!t in the meantime.

I wish I could get inside her head at times. I'd love to find out what has caused this mammoth turnaround in her attitude towards me in such a short time. I'll just ride it out and keep on trucking.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
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