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Barry,

You have reached another crossroad. There is a saying I like to keep in my mind. Choose you actions, Choose your consequences. What is still happening is rooted in an action you took long ago. Yes, you have acknowledged what you did....took responsibility for it....and are working on yourself so that you don't choose that action again. The thing is....what is happening now is a consequence of a choice.....and those consequences will go on until your wife is ready to end them. Honestly, I think the separation is good for both of you at this point.....Your situation has been going on for to long without a change. Sometimes drastic change is what is needed.

As for your frustration with the crossroad....it is common. The irony with crossroads in life is that we fight with them. We want to go the way we want to go at the moment we reach them, but we miss one thing (and the true source of our frustration) which is the fact we choose which direction we go in the past. So I say embrace the direction your path now goes....truly embrace it in your heart. No lamenting about your punishment....no complaining about how hard it will be.....Embrace the challenge the old you setup for the new you. Right now the old you is challenging you to return to that man again.You can do that, but I say that you have come to far to slide back.

dum spiro spero


"Be the changes you want to see in the world"
Joined: Dec 2013
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Thanks LFW. I've missed your input. I agree that this next period is for the best. I get the impression that she expected the feelings and attraction to come back naturally and I understand that it doesn't work that way. She hasn't had a chance to 'miss' me and for whatever reason, she has decided against trying while we've been living together. It is frustrating but knowledge is power and I'm OK with the whole situation. I understand that it has to come from her and I still feel confident that things will work out one day, hopefully sooner rather than later.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Rough night tonight. With the change in situation, I arranged for the kids to spend the night with family last night to offset the time lost with them when my wife is home on weekends. I missed the kids, looked forward to picking them up and spending time with them despite a hectic night ahead. Within fifteen minutes of having them all, I felt the need for a timeout and it went downhill from there.

My girls were hyperactive when I picked them up from daycare and their behaviour continued to deteriorate as the afternoon went on. My puppy was also misbehaving which made matters worse and to top it off, my son kept trying to get my attention which was icing on the cake. I feel bad for my son to be honest. He's a good kid. He's incredibly needy though and he's a little too young to understand when to back off so when the others are acting up he doesn't understand that I just need a little space for a while. I tried to take a time out for myself and my girls and puppy kept getting worse and I lost my cool completely.

I sent my youngest to bed at 6:30pm, my middle child to her room to play and my son to the other lounge with a movie of his choosing. Not an ideal solution but it helped. My girls settled down and started behaving, my son watched his movie quietly and that left my puppy who earned himself a timeout for his poor behaviour.

After some time, I felt more calm and it was still well before bedtime. D4 had come out to talk to me and she deserved a second chance for the night so we read some old birthday cards she brought out. As D3 was still awake and behaving, I invited her out and we all joined my son (and by then, our puppy) in the other room to watch his movie.

Tonight was soccer night and between my kids' behaviour and a storm we had, I decided not to go (my game started after I sent D3 to bed). I was really angry about this as it is the only time of the week dedicated to me and had to miss it. My babysitter unfortunately broke her foot this afternoon and I wasn't comfortable letting my kids play in the wet as well as not deserving to go out and play with the other kids.

The most disappointing thing is that it is only night three without my wife (with the kids here; night 4 overall). I don't want to lose my cool and I need to find better ways of dealing with things. I'm on my own in dealing with poor behaviour and I know I can't just tolerate it or my blood will boil. This were excellent before this afternoon and I'm proud of how I've handled things before today. Hopefully it's just a blip on the radar and tomorrow will be a better day.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Well, my wife has been home and left again for another week of training for her new job. Last week was a mixed bag for me having started so well before I allowed D4's behaviour to bring me down Wednesday. I got myself back together Thursday and D4 was still acting up (the whole.... fricking.... day...!!!), I kept my cool and handled things far more constructively.

Friday rolled around and we were all looking forward to my wife's arrival. She sent me a text message to let me know she was leaving and I was expecting her 2.5 hours later. It turned out that she pranked me as D3 spotted her driving into our driveway five minutes later. I thought that my wife was in a good mood and it started the weekend off on a great note. That didn't last long.

My kids had been looking forward to seeing my wife all week. When she got home, they were all more interested in what they were doing than my wife, which was a surprise to me. When she got their attention, they were all over her so she watched cartoons with them briefly before falling asleep on the couch. My son asked to play soccer outside instead so I went out and played with all three kids so Mum time quickly turned into Dad time.

I kept my distance for the weekend. My wife was chatty on the phone a couple of times but I wasn't feeling it so I stayed in the main room, where I'd set myself up while my wife was gone so I could keep a better eye on my kids, particularly after bedtime. She didn't initiate any conversation, was short with me for much of the weekend and I just carried on doing my thing. For some reason, she felt it appropriate to call me at midnight last night for a lift home from a concert but I ignored it and went to sleep instead. This morning, I helped her with a couple of things and when she complained at how I was doing things, I sat back down to study and left her to finish off the tasks she was doing. This included when the smoke alarm was set off; she was already inside, I was outside and I didn't feel the need to help her out when she didn't appreciate the help. She complained about this too and I ignored it.

On a positive note, I've enjoyed some quiet time without the kids, I have completed my first uni assessments for the trimester, my readings are up-to-date and my house and laundry are clean. I am all over this single Dad stuff. Of course, my kids didn't do their chores Thursday night and as my wife arrived home shortly after we did on Friday, her first impression was that the house was a mess, which it was. The house is in order again and I am kid free until the morning so it'll be easy to keep on top of again this week.

On the whole, I'm glad my wife isn't around at the moment. I don't like her attitude towards me and for things to turn around, her attitude must change. I don't expect it to for some time and I understand that. I do still believe that things will improve between us in the long-term but I'm not going to pander to her to achieve that. I've come far too far and I feel it is best for my kids to see that 'Dad's got this' without my wife around. Unfortunately, I live on a huge block, I don't have easy access to a vehicle that can tow a trailer and it's getting hot again so the yard isn't in as good as condition as the inside but it's all a work in progress. I'm happy with where I'm at though. I'll get there.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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Can you mow and mulch?
Compost heap? Yes I know snakes are an issue, but it can rot down lawn and vegetable matter. Thus no need of a trailer short term.

Look for a creative solution? Can you mow for someone else who will do trailer things or tips runs? Free think free.

I'm really good at working solutions, maaaate, it just takes some thought let it ruminate in the back of your mind. The creative mind will find a solution.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Thanks for the ideas. I could do all of those but I have neither the time, money or, most importantly, interest. I'm on a half acre block and without a tow ball or trailer I have to work with other people to get things done. Not impossible but I have higher priorities than my yard to be honest. I'm not much of an outdoors person so I'd like to minimise the effort and cost involved. Owning a working ute would be bloody handy though! I might have to work on getting my wife's dad's ute up and running so I can use that.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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How bout take the peasy easy way and pay a poor 15yo to do it?
Local unemployed person for cash?
Offer it as community garden space?

Hey dun look at my yard, the sawn off mini Ponys mow it along the with spotty dog who eat grass too!

Tis bad, but it's about do what you can and leave the rest. There is a trick with round up to lightly spray the grass and stunt it too! Farmers use that one.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Yeah, we have family friends that keep talking about Roundup but we haven't seen any yet. I'm thinking I'll have to find my own supply. I need to do that too because the burrs are creeping into the kids' play area.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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It's sold at woollies.

It's glosophate! Pretty sure dun quote me tho, I been to the pub and had wines yesterday. So I might very well be confused misinformed or both!


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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Lol. The Roundup we have at our Woolies (and the hardware stores) has the hand pump. I'm not familiar with weed killers so I'll grab one that attaches to a hose sometime and see how that goes. It'll be a bit of trial and error.


Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
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