Sorry for the lack of reply, ganb*te, Maybell and LisaB and thanks for your ideas. I'll try think too..
It was my one year BD anniversary last week; the same day as claire. I decided to avoid this site for a few days, simply because I wanted to create as few reminders of BD as possible. Obviously, that's not really possible.. but I had to try.
Last night I had a dream about my ex. It was pretty vivid. I was with him, in his country, begging for him to come back to me. He kept acting like he was on the verge of it, but then I asked him if he was with someone else and he smirked and said yes. "She" was a mother of two, which is amusing now that I'm awake. While I was asleep, the whole thing was like torture. I've always been someone who is deeply effected by my dreams, so waking up that morning was horrible.
Interestingly, though, during the night (while I had that dream) he wrote me an email.. his reply to my bday email from about ten days ago. He was friendly, as usual, but there were a couple of noticeable differences. (1) He brought up something that had happened during our travels around Europe years ago. (2) He rebuffed some of my self-deprecating humour and said I was "good" at something. (3) He said it was nice to hear from me.
All *very* little things in the grand scheme of things, but he hasn't said anything nice about me this whole time; he hasn't acted like he cares one or the other if I write; and he hasn't brought up anything to do with memories of our relationship - so that was interesting.
I find myself in a pickle, really. I have 100s of unanswered questions in my mind. I find myself truly, truly hurt by all this, and I don't know how to get past that. On a daily basis, I'm fine. I haven't cried in months and I just go about my business, doing what I need to do. It's more that I worry what effect this will have on me in the future. I don't know that I feel like I could trust him or any other man, ever again. I feel like my confidence is shot. I spent more than 10 years being told how we were soul mates, we'd be together forever, etc. I was told that 2 hours before BD. How do I believe anyone, or anything, ever again?
I also feel like I need an answer as to why his family never reached out. I lived with his mother for four years.. I felt like we were pretty close. They all accepted me as though I was their DIL/SIL. I treated his nephews as though they were my own and they loved me as though I was their aunt. The fact that not one single one of them reached out, after they found out the news, really hurts.
I know I can get through this and whatever will be, will be.. and that's fine. I am okay, and I will be okay either way. I have managed to survive the worst year of my life, and come out the other end, so that's something. I just wish that my ex could figure his chit out, one way or the other. I wish that for his own sake.
I have always had this fear that one day I'll "wake up" and be 40 or 50 and wonder where the years went and what I did with them. And I think that actually WILL happen to him, if he doesn't get it together. But he is such a procrastinator by nature (his whole family is - his parents still aren't D even though they split up in 1999 and don't get along) that I don't think he sees it as an issue.
Hey, Vossy. Taken a while to get back you your thread. Sorry.
Aren't dreams bizarre? The other night I had one - H was with a OW and I just found out who it was…a friend from high school who I haven't seen or spoken to in 16 years!
Interesting that your BF made contact and there were a few little differences that you noticed. I'm totally with you on the whole wanting answers thing. I guess we may have to face the possibility that we never get them and move ourselves forward regardless. It does sound like you are doing ok on that front.
Let me know if you want to connect (absolutely no pressure - seriously!) The rules say no exchanging of private contact information and suggests that other websites are designed to facilitate that. I'm sure we can figure something out...
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Re: 6 Months Down the Line
#2504437 11/05/1403:48 PM11/05/1403:48 PM
vossy, you may never know why that happened (nor will I). My H's family never reached out to me either. Try not to spend too much time scrutinizing the past and the things that others are doing or not doing for you. It's a dead end, and emotionally draining as well. Instead, look ahead and make goals for your future, or even just for your day ahead. BD anniversaries are hard, but they only have as much significance as you give them. Sending good vibes your way.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Just another side of the coin, some of my WAH's family contacted me after BD to tell me they were sorry to hear the news and hoped I was OK. Of course that was very nice and caring, but you know what? It made me feel worse! It's like they took the time to break up with me too, if you know what I mean.
I guess it should be comforting that they care, but it hurt to see their messages of pity, and really made the split seem much more real and permanent.
So, maybe be a little happy that you haven't heard from them. Maybe they don't want to "break up" with you.
Thanks for the nice bunch of replies.. I missed them somehow, even though I've been visiting every day.
I've had a rough week.. for the life of me, I cannot fall asleep this week. And it's one of those things where the more I think about it, the worse I make it. So glad it's the end of the week now and sleep doesn't matter as much. Luckily, I just went and bought some weird "pressed" juice for an EXORBITANT amount of money and that actually has energised me, even if it has turned me broke.
I appreciate, LisaB, your idea that they don't want to "break up" but they kinda have. I mean, I haven't heard from them in a whole year. My mother and his mother used to send each other Christmas cards, FGS. It's just complete and utter radio silence.
I'm considering writing them (his mother and his sister) each a letter in time for Thanksgiving. Just saying hello and if they want to stay in touch, I'm open, and thanks for everything over the years, blah blah. I feel like it might at least make me feel better, JUST in case they were waiting to hear from me. And I would genuinely like to stay in his nephews lives.. they were my little BFFs. We'll see.
Ganb8te.. I would definitely like to connect somehow.. just maybe later in the month? My allergies are playing up (do you get hayfever? It's been such a bad season!), next week I have a big project and the following week I'm away.. between now and the end of Nov I'm sure I can think of a way to surreptitiously send my details. Maybe I can telepathically send thm..
My mil acted nuttso, she talked to me as if I had no idea who she was. She refused to use my name and treated me like she was meeting me for the first time ever.
That was bizarre. His sister refused to be anything other than cold. Yet since she had a stroke and the family treated her like a childish stupid idiot I was her biggest defender, I sat with her one day when she cryed about how they hated her. I defended her and stood up for her. Yet she still kissed me off. I treated her better than her own mother.
Their loss as far as I see. Same for you bossy, their loss.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26