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A Message from Michele
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Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 #2495993
10/10/14 02:40 PM
10/10/14 02:40 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
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Jefe  Offline OP
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J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: Jefe] #2495998
10/10/14 02:54 PM
10/10/14 02:54 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
S
Starsky309 Offline
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Starsky309  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
A new thread, a new day. grin


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: Starsky309] #2496097
10/10/14 09:15 PM
10/10/14 09:15 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,516
California US
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CaliGuy Offline
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CaliGuy  Offline
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Posts: 2,516
California US
Jefe

Just caught up on your Sitch ... just a couple questions as I do not see you mention them.

What are your GAL's 180's?? I see you are using the 37, and PMA ... and it does seem she baits a reaction out of you , just an observation/question ... what would happen if it were you out doing something fun that you have not done before ??


M: 44
W: 44
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: CaliGuy] #2496119
10/10/14 10:31 PM
10/10/14 10:31 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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Jefe  Offline OP
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CaliGuy, great questions. I'll get to them later on this evening. I have a thought process in my head that I gained from another thread that I want to follow before I loose it.

Originally Posted By: Shodan (from a different thread)
But my concern is that I am giving her more opptys to cake eat when she lies on me or when we have fun together. If there were no A, I would agree with you. But with the A in play, it is just cake eating. With that said, I also need to make sure she sees compassion and love at the same time.

She knows that the road back home is paved should she choose to end the A. But, I will and am pursuing a D since to date, she has elected to stay in the A.



I don't have anywhere near the level of communication or positive time with my wife. I'm sure my wife knows beyond a doubt that I don't want a divorce. I don't know that she knows that the road home is paved and smooth or how to appropriately convey that to her. Honestly... I'm not sure I have paved and smoothed the road correctly...


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: Jefe] #2496128
10/10/14 11:00 PM
10/10/14 11:00 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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Jefe  Offline OP
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J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
Just caught up on your Sitch ... just a couple questions as I do not see you mention them.

What are your GAL's 180's?? I see you are using the 37, and PMA ... and it does seem she baits a reaction out of you , just an observation/question ... what would happen if it were you out doing something fun that you have not done before ??


I'm working on GAL. I'd love to go do something I've never done before, think I will schedule something very soon. I haven't finished the DB book yet so I'm still struggling with the whole 180 concept. I saw a 180 thread here but the 180's just looked like a reworded version of the 37 so I'm clearly missing something that I'm sure to discover when I finish the book.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: Jefe] #2496146
10/11/14 12:09 AM
10/11/14 12:09 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
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Jefe  Offline OP
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J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
The weekends are by far the hardest around here.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: Jefe] #2496150
10/11/14 12:26 AM
10/11/14 12:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
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wmwb123 Offline
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wmwb123  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
Originally Posted By: Jefe
The weekends are by far the hardest around here.

Yep.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: wmwb123] #2496184
10/11/14 03:46 AM
10/11/14 03:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
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PeterV2 Offline
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Read DR. I found it more relevant to my sitch anyway. Especially the section on "If s/he won't end the affair".


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: PeterV2] #2496186
10/11/14 04:09 AM
10/11/14 04:09 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
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Jefe  Offline OP
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J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
I haven't had the opportunity to purchase/order it yet. Maybe next week. You're like the 10th person to recommend it so I guess I better. laugh


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 2 [Re: Jefe] #2496254
10/11/14 03:39 PM
10/11/14 03:39 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline OP
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Jefe  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,103
Dallas, TX
Man, I think I just set us back several steps.
We just had a horrible phone conversation. I did not keep a good PMA or anything. I think I just blew it completely.

Man my heart hurts.


I got these 2 text messages after our final phone covo this morning:

"We are not together anymore and will not be anymore. I will that the girls where I choose when I want. The same goes for you. I will not be asking or telling you about where I take them. They will always be safe with me. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean they can't be around them."

"We will get a divorce ASAP just saying so please stop trying to win me over. I don't want your opinions on anything."

I was trying to set boundaries on some things and she exploded. We have yet to even discuss the issue that got us here and today when it was mentioned she now denies that it ever happened. This guy this happened with has a shack up girlfriend that just had his third child Sept 2nd. I want to call her and let her know so badly what is going on but I know in my heart it would only cause mega problems. On top of that, this morning she blamed the entire ordeal on me. If i had just been different none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have done what she did. (I drove her to do it, basically.) I know intellectually this is stupid, but it still cuts deep.

Really freaked out now. I know that I am supposed to detach and move forward as if I am moving ahead with my life anyway and I know as long as fear grips me I have already lost but this is not where I wanted to be. I have been lying awake all night last night thinking about this guy and what happened and how long it has been going on. Did not help my situation at all this morning.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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