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A Message from Michele
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#2484619 09/03/14 01:05 PM
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Cadet Offline OP
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The following is the very original Lighthouse post that come from another website.
I was looking around and finally found it and dug it up.
It was originally posted by a user named ark^^
Thanks for this!


Your spouse is in huge conflict....

the good news is and the truth is that they are totally incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone right now...

the competition we believe that exist with the OP is a shallow empty reflection of Gods light in this world...

It is empty and lonely no matter how good the rush

their actions are actions that they themselves do not like in themselves right now....though the need to go back again again and attempt to prove themselves wrong or right is strong...they do not like what they are doing...

their actions towards you, the children, the OP, and themselves...keep them from engaging in any type of real interactions...with real depth and truth

all they offer are misguided attempts to fill the void that has appeared in their life...
yet the filling is way too fleeting to sustain them and the truth is with them each night he or she lays down regardless of whom is next to them....

they are the living cliche..of no matter where you go to hide...there YOU are...

he or she is lost to themselves...

and you stand at that point of being the lighthouse home....even though they create the waves that block their vision from seeing that...

You become the lighthouse..you fill your home with light, calmness and sanctuary...

see just visualize yourself as a lighthouse...

Your offer them glimpses into that sanctuary at every chance you get...
you invite them towards it...let them know it is there as much as you can in a most subtle way....

they are untrustable right now...
but you know that...so they can't hurt you right now...they will spend great energy to convince others differently...but you know better...

you show the path by also protecting the children from their painful actions.....
set clear boundaries that the OP is not part of your childrens lives....
without lovebusting...
offer alternatives that let them see the children...but be clear that the OP is to have no access to them...
you fill the childrens lives with stability....they deserve it and need it more than anything else....

Do not discuss and or powerstruggle with them on irrational movements...seek out and validate the rational ones with lots of praise for when he or she chooses correctly....

your spouse is very lonely and sad right now..but that is OK...no one can stay very long in that chaos...it is wearisome to the soul...
and remove yourself from any aspect of participating or adding to the chaos...and eventually they will see that you are the only one...who stood with clarity and reason when they needed it most...


be the lighthouse....


Me-67, D35,S34
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^^^^^ awesome.


Me: 39
H: 45
Second marriage for both
H left 12/2013
M:4 T:5.5
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
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Great post .. one I needed today. Thank you.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Yes, I second that. I really, really needed this today.


M:48 H:42
M:15 T:18
S:(his)18 D:(his)22
Bomb(EA):Feb. 2014
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 246
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I love this story. I'm glad you found it. And I too really needed it today!


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
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When my family and in-laws assumed I would file for D after ow discovery, I knew better than to try and explain MLC to them. I copied this story, pasted, and removed the MLC words.... And this was all they needed to understand my stance. It communicates so well the goal in standing.

Not recommending this for everyone....it's just what worked for me.

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Love it, thanks for sharing!

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Cadet!

Wow! great perspective to keep in mind.
Thanks for sharing.

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
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Wonderful
I want to be the light house.....trying


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 334
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Wow -- so needed to read this tonight.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is "Be the change you wish to see in world."

Now, in addition to "being the change," I also want to "be the lighthouse..."

:-)

Coincidentally, as I was reading this I was also listening to a song called "The Words" by Christina Perri... and one of the lines from the song is:

"Let my love be the light that guides you home"

Last edited by Jer2911; 01/08/15 02:47 AM.

Me 48, Her 50
(Same-Sex Couple)
3 Children
Together: 9.5 years before BD
BD: Week of 10/27/14
ExW started EA w OW 9/2014
ExW married OW 12/2015
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