CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4
The Lighthouse Story #2484619
09/03/14 01:05 PM
09/03/14 01:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,983
NY
Cadet Offline OP

Member
Cadet  Offline OP

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,983
NY
The following is the very original Lighthouse post that come from another website.
I was looking around and finally found it and dug it up.
It was originally posted by a user named ark^^
Thanks for this!


Your spouse is in huge conflict....

the good news is and the truth is that they are totally incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone right now...

the competition we believe that exist with the OP is a shallow empty reflection of Gods light in this world...

It is empty and lonely no matter how good the rush

their actions are actions that they themselves do not like in themselves right now....though the need to go back again again and attempt to prove themselves wrong or right is strong...they do not like what they are doing...

their actions towards you, the children, the OP, and themselves...keep them from engaging in any type of real interactions...with real depth and truth

all they offer are misguided attempts to fill the void that has appeared in their life...
yet the filling is way too fleeting to sustain them and the truth is with them each night he or she lays down regardless of whom is next to them....

they are the living cliche..of no matter where you go to hide...there YOU are...

he or she is lost to themselves...

and you stand at that point of being the lighthouse home....even though they create the waves that block their vision from seeing that...

You become the lighthouse..you fill your home with light, calmness and sanctuary...

see just visualize yourself as a lighthouse...

Your offer them glimpses into that sanctuary at every chance you get...
you invite them towards it...let them know it is there as much as you can in a most subtle way....

they are untrustable right now...
but you know that...so they can't hurt you right now...they will spend great energy to convince others differently...but you know better...

you show the path by also protecting the children from their painful actions.....
set clear boundaries that the OP is not part of your childrens lives....
without lovebusting...
offer alternatives that let them see the children...but be clear that the OP is to have no access to them...
you fill the childrens lives with stability....they deserve it and need it more than anything else....

Do not discuss and or powerstruggle with them on irrational movements...seek out and validate the rational ones with lots of praise for when he or she chooses correctly....

your spouse is very lonely and sad right now..but that is OK...no one can stay very long in that chaos...it is wearisome to the soul...
and remove yourself from any aspect of participating or adding to the chaos...and eventually they will see that you are the only one...who stood with clarity and reason when they needed it most...


be the lighthouse....


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: Cadet] #2484657
09/03/14 02:20 PM
09/03/14 02:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 456
A
artsy Offline
Member
artsy  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 456
^^^^^ awesome.


Me: 39
H: 45
Second marriage for both
H left 12/2013
M:4 T:5.5
Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: Cadet] #2484660
09/03/14 02:21 PM
09/03/14 02:21 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,516
California US
C
CaliGuy Offline
Member
CaliGuy  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,516
California US
Great post .. one I needed today. Thank you.


M: 44
W: 44
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: CaliGuy] #2484673
09/03/14 02:41 PM
09/03/14 02:41 PM
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 16
S
SamIAm Offline
New Member
SamIAm  Offline
New Member
S
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 16
Yes, I second that. I really, really needed this today.


M:48 H:42
M:15 T:18
S:(his)18 D:(his)22
Bomb(EA):Feb. 2014
Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: SamIAm] #2484682
09/03/14 02:52 PM
09/03/14 02:52 PM
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 246
Kentucky
A
Atsbaby Offline
Member
Atsbaby  Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 246
Kentucky
I love this story. I'm glad you found it. And I too really needed it today!


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: Atsbaby] #2484687
09/03/14 02:55 PM
09/03/14 02:55 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
S
Shining Offline
Member
Shining  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
When my family and in-laws assumed I would file for D after ow discovery, I knew better than to try and explain MLC to them. I copied this story, pasted, and removed the MLC words.... And this was all they needed to understand my stance. It communicates so well the goal in standing.

Not recommending this for everyone....it's just what worked for me.

Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: Shining] #2505323
11/07/14 10:21 PM
11/07/14 10:21 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 5
B
BB14 Offline
New Member
BB14  Offline
New Member
B
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 5
Love it, thanks for sharing!

Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: Cadet] #2509325
11/20/14 08:27 PM
11/20/14 08:27 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 747
USA
R
RAI Offline
Member
RAI  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 747
USA
Cadet!

Wow! great perspective to keep in mind.
Thanks for sharing.

RAI


Me 45 XW 42
lots o' kids
D April 2017
Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: RAI] #2509435
11/21/14 12:28 AM
11/21/14 12:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline
Member
2BHappy  Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
Wonderful
I want to be the light house.....trying


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Re: The Lighthouse Story [Re: 2BHappy] #2524620
01/08/15 02:45 AM
01/08/15 02:45 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 334
United States
J
Jer2911 Offline
Member
Jer2911  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 334
United States
Wow -- so needed to read this tonight.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is "Be the change you wish to see in world."

Now, in addition to "being the change," I also want to "be the lighthouse..."

:-)

Coincidentally, as I was reading this I was also listening to a song called "The Words" by Christina Perri... and one of the lines from the song is:

"Let my love be the light that guides you home"

Last edited by Jer2911; 01/08/15 02:47 AM.

Me 48, Her 50
(Same-Sex Couple)
3 Children
Together: 9.5 years before BD
BD: Week of 10/27/14
ExW started EA w OW 9/2014
ExW married OW 12/2015
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004