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Hi Oad,

For me it was going dark. I went pitch dark for exactly 30 days before I heard a peep from WAW. I didnt call, email, Facebook, text her...nothing.

She started sending me little texts at around the 30 day mark, 45 day mark, and then the 2 month mark. I never initiated contact until around day 50 where I sent her a joke and teased her.

When she did text me, I acted happy and I NEVER brought up the relationship or issues we had. I simply just wanted her to start to think of me as a happy, fun person. Nothing more, nothing less.

I knew the more times I could have a positive interaction with her, that it would increase the chance of her wanting more interaction with me.

Going dark was VERY hard for me. I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep, it was brutal. There were times that I didnt know if I could hang in there anymore, I hurt that bad.

I totally understand the pain you are all in. I had to go to a therapist (still am) and started taking anti-depressants.

Hang in there, give them their space. Dont pester them about how they feel or the relationship. Just act happy. Like you are a fun person. Fake it if you have to.

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So hard going dark for me Thorn. I have D. WAW knows when I don't answer or text she asks about my sick dad or our D knowing I have to respond to that.

Thoughts?


M 35 W 31
D 10
Married 3 years
Together 11
Single since Nov 13
Moved out Dec 13
ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more'
OM confirmed Jun 14
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Why do you have to respond to that?

Your sick dad, while nice of her to ask, is your business. Texts generally asking about your D don't need responses unless you need W to meet you at the hospital.

One or two word answers suffice, too. "How's your dad today?" you can respond, "still sick" or "better". Things about your daughter, "did D leave her red top at your house?" you can say, "I'll look". Done.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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Cheers ss. WAW just text asking those things. Won't respond till the morning and will keep it short.


M 35 W 31
D 10
Married 3 years
Together 11
Single since Nov 13
Moved out Dec 13
ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more'
OM confirmed Jun 14
Joined: Mar 2014
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The dark thing can't work for me unless I move out. Now that my S21 and his fiancée are moving home I I move out it will be WW and the boys.

I know they will resent her for me leaving but I will be the one in the worse possible scenario.

I am so so so jealous of you Thorn, but of course in a glad and happy way'

Cheers
Ox

Last edited by Oxford1; 07/30/14 07:05 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Hi Ox,

IMO, you can still be mysterious while living with WAW. What kinds of things can you do away from home that would surprise your WAW? Salsa dancing lessons, scuba diving, skydiving?

What can you do to make your W think of you as confident and adventurous? What would it take for her to think you were sexy again?

How was your personality, character, and mannerisms when WAW first fell in love with you?

Start thinking about those things. Once you start to identify how you were, start working on changing.

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Good story. It's tough with young kids going dark. With me detaching recently, it feels as though my WAW looks for more opportunities to talk about kids. When I don't answer her calls she immediately sends a text telling me "I need to call her". Kids going though a lot emotionally, and when I share it with her it overwhelms her. Not sure if it is guilt driven or what, but it is so hard to stay neutral at times when kids blame me. Frustrating to say the least. Glad to see progress for you though. Gives hope, but at the same time, makes me wonder if I will ever see that path. My WAW is stubborn and can't see her eating crow.


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S-6
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Hey Thor just checking in to see how things are going...


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
Joined: Oct 2013
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Hi Thornton,

Just wanted to chime in again and tell you how glad I am that positive things are happening for you.

Please keep us posted. Your story is an inspiration.

2T2M


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
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Oad,

Things are going well! Still taking things slow, seeing each other for occasional lunches during the week and spending time together on the weekends.

We are very affectionate with other and spend a lot of time talking not taking each other for granted. I'm really happy with the way things are progressing.

Slow and steady.

I'm also continuing with my IC. It's been really good for me as I work through my codependant issues. I can tell that W sees a difference in me, in fact, she's commented on my changes several times.

I just want to make sure I don't lose sight of the cheese. It's easy to fall back into old patterns. Being aware of the issues is half the battle. I make a conscious decision each day to not be the old Thornton. I keep striving for change and that's been very helpful.

Keep Db'ing and being patient, I know how hard it is!

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