Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,488
Likes: 74
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,488
Likes: 74
Originally Posted By: Thornton

We have agreed to not live together for the time being. We would like to slowly date and see where it leads us. We will be living about 45 minutes apart so that will give us both plenty of breathing room.


Just be careful to leave your White Horse in the stables when you ride over to see her...

She doesn't need rescued right now...



Originally Posted By: Thor

Thanks for being there during my darkest hour. I really mean that.


You are welcome, although you did the work (albeit against your will)...

Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
Thorn,

Did you realize the wording you used?

"We have agreed..."
"We would like...."
"We will be living..."

It sounds like you were able to come to these decisions as a unit, working together.

That, in and of itself, it cause for celebration.

Good job!


---GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
M
Mat Offline
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
Wow you're my hero! Well done man I can't wait to read more.


M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 444
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 444
Hi Thornton,

I haven't posted in some time, but I follow a lot of folks here, including you, and I wanted to take a moment to thank you.

My WAH lives in another city now and comes "home" for a week or two every 4 - 6 weeks. The last time he was here, he said some pretty mean stuff and canceled out on a joint trip we were planning to take. I kind of lost it and told him I couldn't take anymore hurt. I read a comment later by Sandi about making them think you have turned the tables and you are dumping them. I realize that is pretty much what I did. A few days after he left, he texted and asked to rejoin the trip because we needed to talk and I agreed.

Up until I unloaded, I had felt like I was on a good path - detaching, GAL, accepting that I would be just fine without him, making plans for a future without him. I had pretty much given up hope and was beginning to accept what I saw as inevitable. Since that episode, I have been so down and couldn't seem to get my mojo back .... until I read your most recent posts.

Your reminder that they really aren't happy with their new lives and have doubts and regrets put so much into perspective for me. I was dreading this upcoming trip because I was just in such a down place and feared I had lost all the ground I've gained over the past few months. But, thanks to your post and your reminders, I know I'll be fine! I just wanted to take a moment to thank you.

I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well for you. You seem like an awesome guy and you definitely deserve the good things in life.

2T2M

Last edited by 2Times2Many; 07/09/14 10:13 PM.

Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,788
Likes: 2
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,788
Likes: 2
Thank you all for the kind words, it's much appreciated.

I will be meeting WAW for the very first time since bomb on Friday for lunch. She asked me out! smile

She asked me to meet her for lunch today but I had meetings at work and politely declined.

We are still taking things really slow. We are flirting with each other like when we first met and I am letting her initiate contact about 75% of the time. I don't want to appear to be too eager. As time passes, I will slowly begin to balance it out.

Please note, I am NOT a veteran and I am FAR from truly piecing but I would like to share some things that seemed to help me. I hope you all can take something from this.

1. I went STRICT NC on the advice of the vets. I listened to everything the vets told me to do. Not once did I deviate. It was incredibly hard for me do. NC for me was exactly 30 days until she texted me about picking up her things from my house. I acted friendly and didn't fight her on it or ask questions. I finally initiated a text with her for the first time in week 7. It was friendly and I teased her.

2. I attended therapy and still am.

3. I prayed every night before I went to bed. First I thanked God for things I DID have (my family, my job, my daughter, my car). I also asked him to give me signs (good or bad) that I was moving in the right direction. Finally I asked him to restore my relationship if it was in HIS will. I continue to pray every night and thank him for the good things happening in my life.

4. I tried to help others on this board as opposed to only posting about my sitch all the time. It was cathartic for me and still is, hence this post.

5. When I did have contact with WAW, I always made sure to end the convo first. This was hard because I could text/talk to her for hours. I missed her so incredibly much.

6. I read Divorce Remedy about 30 times, lol.

7. Anytime I felt down, I would post here to vent. Anytime I felt like doing something crazy (pursuit), I would post here first and let people talk me off the ledge.

8. When the timing was right for me, I took a risk and contacted her. This was really scary for me as I was worried about backsliding and ruining things.

9. I listened to my mom when she told me "Let your faith be bigger than your fear". That was my mantra and I had to repeat it to myself 500x a day.

Thank you all for your support.

Thornton

Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
I am so happy for you! In the short time you have been here you have offered great advice! We are all lucky to have you as a part of this board.

Fingers crossed for Friday. Remember everything you have learned smile


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,788
Likes: 2
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,788
Likes: 2
Thank you, TO!

We are all in this together!

All for one, one for all!

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
M
Mat Offline
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
Hi Thornton

I really admire your ability to go NC. My wife and I have no kids, as for yourself, but for some reason have been in contact about practical things (she rented a new place, so needed to agree some logistics). Yesterday for instance I texted her to get her address so I can tell my car insurance (she's keeping the car for now). She hasn't even responded. I am not sure whether I even should have done that. What if something happens and she totals it? Am I making excuses?

Were there any practical matters that you just let slide for the sake of NC?

Thanks


M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,788
Likes: 2
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,788
Likes: 2
Hi Mat,

I think if WAW reaches out to you, that's ok. Be friendly but don't try to keep the conversation going.

I didn't worry about the practical things (mail, her belongings etc.) If she wanted that stuff, she could come get them.

You probably are making excuses to contact her but justify them as practical reasons.

There's no point in texting her, especially if she isn't responding, right?

Go dark.

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 347
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 347
Thanks for this update - it's always heartening to read stories where things have improved!


M - 34
H - 36
Together 10 years
Married 4 years
BD - March, 2014
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard