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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2423264&page=11

Last write up I did on that thread. "Thanks Wonka for the kind words. Yes, I did make it through, the W and OW didn't cause any issues to me.
I will always have that "special love" as you said for my W as well. It is good that love has it's own place, as I don't feel disloyal to the girlfriend.
One thing I have been doing, or not doing, is comparing the new girlfriend to the W. Thankfully they are very different, body type, height, hair colour, personality and attitudes (in a good way).
I am also not thinking of this woman as a future Mrs HWA. It may happen who knows, but it is not the plan. Not to mention based on her personality, that would probably be a very long way before that happens. If anything I don't have the need to "rebound" or feel a void of being married. I am enjoying, dating and spending time with the new woman and that is all.
The only thing I cannot do at this stage, is date as many people as possible. While I am with this woman, I won't date anyone else. If I am single again later (hopefully not), then I will date again. I do know what you mean Wonka by dating as many people as possible, and the scenario you put it in.
Please, I don't want to become a CAT or DOG person, so will continue to keep my heart going with good love.
The final thing was rather than the relationship being "it all", it was more meant as the question of when you were dating, did you have in your mind, this is enjoying some form of companionship and love, until the W comes back. Rather than just enjoying the companionship and love? Does that make sense?

I do thank you very much for the interest and support you have given over the last 2 months or so Wonka.

The W's birthday is next Tuesday. I have decided to send a simple message saying "Happy Birthday W, I hope you it's a great day." I would feel very uncomfortable and not a great person if I simply ignored her special day."

Since then, I did send the W a text message on her birthday. Simply saying "Happy Birthday W, have a great day.". Got a reply back within minutes saying "thank you, I am heading off to work now."

I have been dating this other woman "vikingblonde" (as per her dating site name) for over 6 weeks now. Feeling great, very little thinking about the W, though it still does happen. Splitting of assets is nearly over now. Payout money has gone to the solicitors, new mortgage papers are being drawn up.

Funny how quickly the "family" wanted me to remove my belongings from their places (ie: the bike and shipping container), but now that the jet ski needs to be picked up, no one seems to be able to do it. Not going to be nasty about it, just one of those hmmm moments.

I am in a good place now. I have a lovely woman I see 2 or 3 times a week, the properties are nearly all transferred over, I don't need to see any of the W's family or friends anymore and my future is looking very good.
_________________________


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,364
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Little bit more of an update.
Houses have been transferred to me now. First mortgage payments have been done. Jet ski was picked up last week. Cash payout figure has also been given to the solicitors.
Therefore there is no more items to split, be picked up or paid for now.
I am still dating this wonderful woman I met 3 months ago. We spend a lot of time talking, communicating and giving great compliments to each other.
No contact from the W at all. Last contact was the 21st party where we simply said hello to each other.
I heard from my brother (still a friend on facebook with W) that the W is going to China in September and has taken some long service leave. Completely gobsmacked over that, as she has never mentioned any interest in China over the last 20 years or so. Considering this is her first overseas trip, I would have thought a place that was in her wish list would have been better.
I am enjoying life very much. My work is great, my time without the new partner is good (I am not sitting at home lonely), I am trying new things to do (tried surfing and stand-up paddleboarding last weekend) and I feel very blessed where my life is.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 456
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Good for you! Sounds like you're doing great!!!!


Me: 39
H: 45
Second marriage for both
H left 12/2013
M:4 T:5.5
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HWA,

What a change! You've come a long way, baby! Keep up with the good changes and forward-thinking attitude. Good things will come to you. I'm happy for you. Good job! laugh

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I have watched your progress, brother... Long strange and hard trip it has been, too...

Neither one was able to save our Ms but we saved ourselves. The things we have learned have made us better men and far better prepared to move ahead.

Carry on!


“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter

M - 06/01
D - 05/14
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What a wonderful update! You worked hard to get where you are at today. Happy for ya!


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
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Thank you well wishers. Like a lot of LBS's, you never believe at the start what working on yourself can do. But believe me it does work.
It has been a long and painful road, but great down the track.
Still have moments of "what the heck happened with my M", but they pass quickly.
My big focus is trying to have a better relationship with my sons. Both of them have kind of kept to themselves over this BD, not wanting to talk about their own feelings or views. All I can do about that is: constantly be positive when they are with me, or when I am talking to them over the phone. Offer my help or open door to the house. Not mention the W to them.
I had the sons over for an Easter baked dinner (my first baked dinner) and asked them their views on me dating (they don't know about the new woman), also I decided to tell them about my side of the asset splitting. This was mostly due to the MIL and possible other family members blaming me for being selfish and taking both properties from the W. So I simply told them that I hadn't fought their mother on anything, but just agreed to what she wanted, even though I didn't think it was in her best interest.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,364
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Posts: 1,364
Nearly another 2 months down the track.
Still trying to get more time with the sons, but not as much as I would like. Although, I am in a better more positive place about how they are dealing with the separation and doing their own things. I don't feel as bad about "what I have done to lose them" thoughts.
Papers come through from the solicitor last week advising that all the legal separation has now been completed. Therefore the W can no longer come and take/ask/demand anything else.
Mentally I am prepared for the divorce papers that I believe the W will be issuing asap. In a way, I feel ready enough to issue them myself, but won't. I still am standing for no responsibility towards the loss of our marriage, in the legal way. I won't be the person who initiated any of the separating stages.
I didn't do the separation at BD, I didn't leave the house. I didn't initiate the splitting of assets, and I won't do the divorce.
On the relationship side, I am still enjoying the most fantastic times with my new partner. Close to 5 months together now.
We are communicating on a level that I never could before. I feel great, we enjoy our times together. I put her first before my wishes and wants.
I am no longer a person who is rushed and stressed because we are running out of time or late. At work I notice so many changes from the old me. The person who would stress, blame and be angry over things, is now calm, accepting and comfortable with things.
Bit by slow bit, I am doing the house the way I want, along with some wonderful ideas from the partner. But she has made it clear, it is my choice to do the changes, she is just giving ideas to me.
While there is no rushing into our future, we have had some lovely talks about our long term future: retirement, home ownership (different location), holidays and general life stuff.
Have heard from the W via text, twice since the last update.
I got a "Happy Birthday" from her and just last week a text asking for the jetski paperwork so she could pay for the registration. It was already sent to her solicitor, but she should have already done the legal transfering of this.
What was the shock, was getting a 50th birthday card from the in-laws. Back in Feb the MIL tore shreds off me and blamed me for everything and demanded to know why I was so selfish with the splitting of assets etc. We have never spoken since.
Then I get a card saying Happy Birthday.......love from Mum and Dad. To this day I am still confused about that.
Anyway, all people were given an appreciated thanks for the birthday wishes.
That is me for a few months. Still check up here regularly, just haven't reached a comfortable point to reply to other people situations yet.
Take care all.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Posts: 7,319
HWA!

Good to hear from you. You sound much stronger and happier these days. Yes, having a new partner does help. Just be self-aware of potential red flags as it usually takes about 6 months or so to really see the other person along with flaws and all other baggage.

DBing is the best self-help therapy, ins't it? We'll DB for the rest of our lives and we have MWD to thank for all of this! smile

You keep trying to work on your R with your boys...reach out as often as you can. With my late father, we used to talk regularly on Sunday evenings on the phone.

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Thanks Wonka.
I am very self-aware of possible red flags, but to this day haven't seen a sight of anything resembling one.
In saying that, having time away from each other throughout the week, while hard at first, is actually good for the relationship.
I will forever be grateful for MWD and DB for turning me and my life around. Without this group, Laurie on the phone, the books and me being prepared to do something positive, I probably wouldn't be here.
I will continue to work with the boys on our relationships, but am more accepting that it is their age etc that is why the relationship isn't the best. Rather than blaming them or me for the lack of relationship due to the separation.
I went out to the movies with the youngest son two nights ago, ringing the oldest up tonight and will do another dinner for them both in about a fortnights time.
Will keep updating every so often.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
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