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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Journaling:
Life is pretty plain these days, but I will not complain. I will take plain over stress and worry any day.

I've been thinking more and more about getting out there to date.
I've been wondering more and more about the guy from the church I visit every once in a while... last time I was there we did make eye contact. I haven't been back since that day b/c I've had to work, but I will be in attendance to the next 3 Sundays, before I move...so if I see him again I will make an attempt to smile or say hello.


I am putting together a team for a 5k run in June....I am doing a 180 and reaching out to people I don't normally talk to and inviting them to join.

Also I did a 180 and offered to help a former co-worker and friend w/ moving on Friday...at first she said she didn't need the help, but then later she said she did and will contact me w/ more info. Normally I keep to myself more, but I am stepping out of my box to being there for people more, to be a better friend... and actually not be afraid to label someone a "friend".

From past experience I found most "friends" to be hurtful... so years ago I decided to never get too close. H was my first close friend as an adult and he proved me right and hurt me.... but I won't let that experience keep me closed. I want to be more open to change, hurt, growth and whatever else comes. I want to be able to handle it and not let the "hurt" actually "hurt".... but know it's not always about me. So I'm putting my self out there more.

For a GAL I am attending a Meetup dinner at the end of the month as well. I was made and "organizer" in one of the Meetup groups I am a part of, so it will be fun to create events that I am interested in and have people want to take part.

I spent the last week or so making a really fancy updated resume.
So I am going to start my job hunt. I am hoping to find something I can stick with for a while that pays much better than where I currently work.

One goal I would like to set is working out more and by mid-April hopefully losing 10-15 lbs.
If I can do that, life will be pretty darn good.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,593
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Mimi, you sound great!

If/when you get D, are you going to take back your maiden name?

When do you move into your new apartment?

It sounds like you have a lot to look forward to, and I think it's great that you are putting yourself out there more. Great goals with the job and working out! Exercise helps me soooo much.

You don't have to have a whole bunch of BFFs. Just one is wonderful, and two if you are really lucky! Don't let anyone in that close unless they earn it. But let them earn it - give it a chance!


me: 44 XH: 42
M 11 years
D10 and S8
Bomb drop 9/27/13
D final 7/1/14
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Hi Melissa!
My last name is currently hyphenated. I may shorten it back to my maiden, I haven't really thought about it too much.
When a made my new resume, I used his last name just for design purposes, my first name and his last name have the same amount of letters....and I put my name "design-like" fashion at the top, with my first name on top of the last name. The last name means absolutely nothing to me...but yeah, I will probably rid of it.

I move March 31st... I can't wait!
Currently a skunk has taken residence under the stairs in front of my window (I live in a "garden"/basement apartment) this leads to many smelly nights. I filed an online complaint and called the apartment office to complain and they've done nothing.

As far as friends, I have always kept to myself... I didn't show my personality b/c I use to worry about judgment and to masked my worry w/ the excuse that people should have to "deserve" or be "worth it"for me to open up and show them me. So it's definitely a 180 for me to be more open.... let go of the fear of their judgement and also realizing I am "special" and hey why not gift people with my awesomeness a little more often?! wink

I definitely am able to get comfortable with people much quicker now and seeing that people do like my personality/accept me makes it easier (the more I think about it, the more I realize H made all my worst fears come true through this D and rejection of me). Also simply not caring what others think is the true lesson.

I will definitely be luckily to have 1-2 true & dependable friends where I live (I do have 2 good friends from college but we all live in different states)....but I wouldn't mind several friendly associates as well. I just want to have fun.

I've been so serious for most of my life, I've never really lived...I was always the girl who followed the rules....too scared to just relax and be myself in front of others. I focused on school & working until I was 23 then when I finished that I got married... I married someone who was fun and made me laugh and who i was 100% comfortable w/ being myself with...I thought we'd have many adventures, I thought he'd help me be more open, but I guess I was the stronger personality? b/c he changed to be more like me (which I never expected or wanted), then resented me for it. *shrugs* Ah well...

But I will definitely be careful with exposing my heart to just anyone.

Thanks so much for your post Melissa.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Welp, I was having a pretty pleasant day today.
I just took the dog out for a walk and decided to check the mail b/c I hadn't in a few days (all of my important mail goes to my job).

There was a large envelope stuffed in there.
I love to receive mail... so I was like "cool, there's a package!"

I turned it over.... it's from H.

My heart dropped into my stomach....totally unexpected...plus I asked him to mail it to my job, not my apartment. Did what he wanted to per usual.

The dissolution paperwork was inside for me to fill out my end.

I noticed he purposely put my maiden last name on the package.

Also he sent a check for $100, I guess payment towards what he owes me. Also with my maiden name.

It's a starter check, so I guess he's opened an account at a new bank. Hopefully my bank takes this check as he didn't fill in an address. I will definitely be cashing it as I can use it.

He just threw everything into the envelope, so the paper work is all wrinkled/bent. But I will fill out my end tonight, but it in a folder and envelope and mail it back to the PO Box he has listed as his address. Not sure how often he checks this PO Box, but yeah, I'm sure he'll remember to check it at some point.

I'm sure he'll note when the check goes through that I've received everything.

He filled out my address and since he waited so long to send... I will be moving in 2 weeks. So I will probably re-print the petition my self and re-fill it out, notarize it then send it in.

I don't want to put my new address, I don't want him to know where I will be. So I may list my parents address as my mailing address and leave this old apartment address as current residence. I assume the courts will start sending me things I will have to fill out?

*ugh*

I guess I am officially on my way to an un-busted divorce.
Hope this process doesn't drag out so I can put this far behind me.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Random thought: I was looking through photos I took and posted over the summer and fall.....I can recall how bad I was hurting inside even though I was GALing. The hope that my marriage would be restored is what got me through many of those months. Today, I no longer have that hurt....I also no longer have that hope.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 634
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Yep mimi that was ramdom hahaha wink I am glad you are feeling better


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
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(((Mimi)))

I'm sorry. I'm not sure there is any amount of detachment (unless maybe you're the WAS) that will make it OK to receive that in the mail.

Why the heck did he put your maiden name on a check? Can you even cash a check that is written to your maiden name? And on the envelope, too. Why? Is it just to twist the knife a little? I guess you will never know - that part just really struck me.

I have thought about that quite a bit - I think at the beginning of a sitch, the thought that you will be OK even if you get D is not believable enough to get you by. Hope for my M being restored is what got me through those very difficult first few months. It is only recently that I realized I don't really have that hope anymore, but now I can get by knowing that I really will be OK if/when we do get D. Now, to get where you are, I just need to somehow get rid of the hurt too.

I am glad you have gotten to the place you are, and I think that maybe it was a good thing that your H didn't file until now. Hopefully you can get this done quickly, and start your new life in your new apartment!!

You are an inspiration, Mimi. smile


me: 44 XH: 42
M 11 years
D10 and S8
Bomb drop 9/27/13
D final 7/1/14
Joined: Feb 2014
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(((Mimi))) I'm sorry your D couldn't be busted but I'm glad your in a better place and you sound well equip to deal with it now where as maybe in the past it would have hit you a lot harder.

I hope to be where you are one day, regardless of how my M works out.


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
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Mi, sorry to hear of this development and how he handled it. That is very tough. I think sending all correspondence to your parent's address is a great idea if you don't want him to know your new life address.

As for the maiden name thing, I recently sent STBXW a letter, and I put her maiden name on it. She put in her proposed settlement awhile ago that she wants her name changed. Also, I don't want her to have my last name anymore, so I wonder if she was thinking the same things you were. I didn't even give it a thought at the time, because she'll be back to maiden anyway.

I wish you the best as you move forward! Did you ever approach the guy you were interested in? Planning to before you move?


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
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Melissa you're too kind, you are an inspiration.
Thanks K, Upwards and ye.

K I wasnt able to go to church last sunday....I thought I was off but got a call that morning asking why I wasnt at work. Totally didnt know they put me on the schedule....but I have 2 more sundays before I move to hopefully get the courage to atleast wave lol

Well today...my phone rang...the number is for the city I live near so I assumed it was a job....then it clicked that it was H's number....crap....to answer or not to answer...that is the question? I decide to answer and just get it over with.

His voice sounded different....maybe from becoming more like the people where he is?

He immediately asked if I recieved the mail he sent and told me he will continue to mail me checks until the loan I gave him is paid off. I toldmhim I will be moving in another week or so, so please mail them to my parents address. He said "ok....are you moving back to there?"

I said "no"........*crickets* lol

the he asked how I was and I kept all my answers pretty short ... told him all was well...working etc...then I asked how he was and he said "I am fine personally...just looking for the next opportunity"
Then he start talking about his family issues...(which always to precedence over our life).. I listened and responded.

He asked about my family and the dog. I told him I finally was able to teach the dog to roll over (its hard to get him to concentrate and sit still so he only
knew 3 tricks). H sounded genuinely excited about that...I told him how when you reach for a treat the dog automatically starts rolling over and over, he laughed.

He asked me if I planned on doing my taxes seperately...I said yes....he said he figured that I would. He said the government resent our refund check from our first year of marriage, it was a $3 check...we didnt cash it. He saidnhe was going to send it to me (not sure why? Maybe as a joke becuase when we initially got it a few years ago we had a good time laughing...like what are we going to do with $3...what a sad refund..well at least we didnt owe) . So I made a joke and told him he could go ahead and keep the money, I'm not struggling that bad...to dogs bowl is full with food. He laughed and said he didnt mean he was sending it to help me out.

it was nice to make him laugh...its something I always loved to do.

He asked me about the email I sent in January...he asked me if it was in refference to anything in particular..I told him I didn't know what he meant. He said the tine of the email was funny (as in strange) he specifically mention there was a part in the email where I asked him to not forward my emails to anyone. He asked was there a specific event behind that statement. (Yes H, yes there is...when insnooped I saw he sent my email pleading with him to not give up on us....to his sister w/ the heading "this wont be pretty".) But I am no idiot...so I told him there was nothing behind it...I just want things to stay between us. He said o, okay.

He brought up is family issues again and he sounded prety negative about it...so I told him he has to go in to the situation w/ a positive outlook he cant speak negativity over it before he gets involved. He said "o, really?!" with a lauh... He sounded surprised by my saying that advice.

I told him I had to get ready for work and that I would get the divorce documents back to him by he end of next week. He said there is no rush/that he didnt call to put a rush on it. He told me he is pretty sure I shouldnt be required to travel there for court, but if I am he will pay for the flight.

I responded with a laugh "the flight, the hotel, and any other expenses.."(jokingly...but serious at the same time)

he said "whoaaaa, hotels are expensive here...like $1500 a night"

I said "I deserve it"

He said "you do deserve it I just dont have that type of money" and he laughed

Not sure if he was saying I would stay with him if I had to go there for court...i didnt ask...but hopefully I wont have to travel there.

We ended the coversation. Overall it was pretty upbeat...I was genuinely in a good mood and not simply "acting as if"...I was happy after the coversation b/c I feel like I won.

This was the first convo I have been almost 100% myself....not nervous tonsay the wrongnthing b/c I dont care anymore....not on egg shells scared to say something that may push him away. Felt good.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
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