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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: KdogGS
It's really important to me that I find someone that knows how difficult it is to work on a relationship and especially a marriage, and that they won't just bail in hard times. {/quote]
For me, my personal issue with that is.... I did that the first time.

We discussed numerous times before marriage how serious marriage was and what hard work it was going to be. My parents even sat us down when he asked my father for "my hand in marriage"... and talked to us about the seriousness and my husband reassured them he would take care of me for the rest of his life, there was nothing I could do to make him want to leave and divorce would NEVER be an option for him.

He clearly didn't know himself well enough (and many people don't). He thought he had the backbone for marriage, he doesn't. He was convinced our marriage would survive anything and he'd always want to do the work it took to avoid divorce.
He left....

I think that's why it would be so hard for me.

[quote]
The sermon series at my church right now is about the Promised Land, it's shown online if you want to watch it. It's regarding the Israelites deliverance from Egypt, wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, and then finding the Promised Land. In a Gallup poll, only 13% of Christians felt like they were living in the Promised Land. This series is about leaving the past behind and focusing on the future and reaching your proverbial Promised Land while on this earth. This is the Oak Hills Church series led by Max Lucado, you can watch online, you may get a benefit out of the series.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! Stay strong.


Thanks for the info, I will look it up and try to check it out.

One of the churches I keep up w/ online did a series on Exodus recently as well. This pastor focused on each plaque and the fact that the plaques/hard times had to come in order for the Israelites to finally be free.

Concerning Pharaoh, Moses wanted to compromise w/ Pharaoh to have the Israelites set free....but the lessons learned from that:

"You can not compromise with people who think their gifts and abilities belong to them and not God.

You can not compromise with people who don't know God, OR act in a manner as if they do not know God.

You can not compromise with people who do not realize God is in charge.

You can not compromise with people with hard hearts."

Funny enough I heard this the same day, a few hours after, I tried to get my H to reinstate my Health insurance....after hearing that I decided to let the issue go and come to grips w/ the fact that H is no longer my H and I have to handle him as such...I can't expect the best from him anymore...he is now Pharaoh, full of pride and thinks his ways are the best, he is only thinking of how he benefits from his choices.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 463
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This series is more focused on after they left Egypt, and forgot about the God that delivered them from the hands of Pharaoh. This series focuses on getting yourself out of the wilderness, where you are wandering around aimlessly, and toward living a fulfilling life on Earth, making your time here your "Promised Land."


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Sounds like a message that's right on time K!


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 463
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Originally Posted By: Mimi00
Sounds like a message that's right on time K!


I agree, the message last week was the overview, it's an 18 week series, so I thought it's very timely for both of us. I hope you enjoy it if you get a chance to watch!


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Joined: May 2013
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Mimi00 Offline OP
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No real update, just me rambling..... things have been quiet on this front. The last Ttime I talked to H through email he mentioned sending D paperwork and the bank forms ASAP....I think it has been a month since then? Im not sure....I gave him my work mailing address b/c I am moving at the end of March and him not sending the ASAP is no surprise...so I didnt want him to send it to my current address and not get it at all if I have already moved.

Valentines day was just another day....I truly enjoyed seeing all the posts on FB and IG of people sharing their gifts and acknowledging their loved ones.....and seeing guys going into office buildings w/ flowers to surprise their s/o and a girl with so many balloons I thought she was going to float away...the smile on her face was priceless as she took them to her car on her way to given them to her s/o. It made me smile.

I got a friend from my home state a job where I work so she is moving to where I am and will be staying with me for a few months (hopefullynindont regret this lol)... shes 25 and needs to learn to detach from her family (they are unhealthy people...she is holding her self back from progressing by taking care of her mom who is married to a jerk. When her mom found out she is moving her mom was very negative about the city shes coming to etc...when her brother found out he got angry with my friend and said with her leaving the mom will now be his responsibility and that is unfair [she lives with the mother and helps pay her rent b/c the step dad gambles away his end of the money and doesnt contribute to the house hold])

I told her she has to get on her feet first I order to truly be a help to her family...and her mom isnt her responsibility...if mom chooses to stay with a man who treats her badly and doesnt contribute to the household, that is her choice....not your problem.

But yeah... im not necessarily looking forward to a temporary roommate...but it will allow me to get a second job a she will be able to help w/ my dog's care....

So I am going to start looking for a daytime job that pays me what I am worth w/ a Master's degree and continue working my current night job (Its a 12hr shift, I am allowed to sleep after midnight) for a few more months and save everything i make there, then quit the night job and stick with the new day job I will hopefully get soon.

Im going to start looking for a new apartment at the start of March...I am excited and hoping for hard wood floors...lol


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Not sure what stage I'm in......I'm not thinking of H as often but when I do, the thought usually ends in calling him a not so nice name in my head. I don't know if this is normal? lol


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: Oct 2013
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If I had a nickel for every time I call my H a bad name in my head . . . wink

I guess it's probably normal. It doesn't sound like you are holding on to anger and letting it negatively affect you, so that's good.

It's good to hear you doing so well, Mimi.

I love hardwood floors, too. smile


me: 44 XH: 42
M 11 years
D10 and S8
Bomb drop 9/27/13
D final 7/1/14
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Mimi, there's a book that helped me recently and I suggest you check it out if you get an opportunity. The title is "The Four Agreements" and it changed my outlook on the situation and to some extent on life moving forward. It really helped me move on emotionally as well. Was cleaning out the garage yesterday, found an old picture of W I used to have hanging in my locker at work. For the first time, I had no flood of emotion. I'm looking at it from her point of view, she probably felt the same thing or lack of things for me before she left.

It's hard to take everyone's advice when they say detach, act as if you're moving on, get your own life. It sounds like you have taken this to heart though with the roommate, bettering your career prospects and such. I want to commend you on being an overcomer. Keep up the good work!


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Thanks Melissa, I can't control much in life, but I will w/ having hard wood floors. That would brighten up my entire year. I'm a simple girl lol

K, thanks for the book suggestion, I will look into it.
I don't have any photos of H and I together, but before he left I made a photos album for him (for out wedding we collected photos from our family members and had a table filled w/ old photos framed differently, H I made copies of my families photos, but H took hard copies and never gave them back; so he had a stack of photos in his travel bag that had been in a plastic zip lock baggie for 4 years. Some of the photos were of his father who passed away... so a few days before he moved, I took them while he was outand made an album, mainly for that reason) that contained photos of us and even that week of the official bomb drop, the photos of us didn't make me sad.

I didn't bring any photos of him w/ me, but there are photos of him on my phone, but I never think to look at them.

What does bother me as far as photos go, is when I see people post photos of skiing/in gear etc.. or snowy mountain tops my heart skips a beat b/c my mind immediately thinks it's him([he's blocked so I KNOW it's cant be him but my mind freaks for a momemnt] b/c where he moved to is a resort town for skiing etc...and that's what all his photos he would post looked like in the last few months)....so I think it's pics of his "new life" that bother me far more than old pics.

Even today I looked at a random persons Instagram, just killing time and their first photo was view of the mountains from a hotel window in the city my H lives in now. I was just like, really? really?

Even in my current neighborhood the streets and named after cities where he is and his city is one of the streets names as well (not a popular name at all) .... WHAT ARE THE ODDS?????

I feel like detaching, "moving on" is really my only option for my own mental health and well being. I've seen people who still affected by their D a decade+ later....I can't do that. I want truly want to be free.

Maybe it's a bad thing? But if I can erase him from my memory, I will do so lol

Now that I know I am sticking around in the State I am in I already signed up for an obstacle course for this spring and another 5k to do in the summer.

I can't wait for the warmer weather and I will be living closer to the city which is full of activities so I will be GALing my heart out once this winter weather breaks. smile


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Mimi00 Offline OP
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Journal/rambling:

So now I am getting a bit overwhelmed.

I called today to set an appointment w/ a property management agency to view some apartments this weekend..... he said they want me to make 3x's the rest amount. So if rent is $850, they want me to make $2,550 a month.... I totally don't make that. lol

I was really looking forward to getting a place on my own and decorating etc...but now I'm thinking maybe I should make my temp roommate situation a permanent one? But then no decorating fun....and she's allergic to fish, she can't even breathe it in.... I eat fish a few times a week... no more fish for me?! I've been living my life around H for that last few years, I was really looking forward to be able to do my own thing anytime I wanted.....I so don't want a permanent roommate.

Also, I am nervous that I will pick a wrong/unsafe neighborhood b/c of what I can afford right now.... worry is starting to flood my thoughts. I'm going to sit down w/ a housing counselor in the city I want to move to so hopefully they can lead me down the right path.

I'm getting tired w/ working so much, especially when the majority of it goes into other peoples pockets.

Not sure why, but this week unfortunately H has been popping in to my thoughts more frequently....and I just pray to the thoughts of him to end permanently one day.

On the bright side is that I saw this really handsome guy this week, I found out his name and googled him, he's a former college athlete and he's a music DJ as a hobby(I love music!), he's well traveled too (don't judge me for google "researching"!!!!)... unfortunately he's 27 (I feel like the 30 year old tainted almost-divorcee, that a young guy like that probably wouldn't be interested in, but you never know?)...it's nice to day dream and think of the day maybe a nice guy like that would come my way. If I see him again, maybe I will get up the nerve to at least say hello and hope for the best. wink


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
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