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Dylis,
What's w/all of the "bumps" on your thread today? Please understand that we will read your postings and get back to you as quickly as possible. Many of the posters work jobs or are busy throughout the day, but come on periodically when time permits. So, with that little bit out of the way, please breathe!

My thoughts about your posting. If you are not okay w/him taking your child out of the country, why go along w/what he was saying? If you do agree to it, I would most certainly have it stipulated that he will need to provide you w/the information as to where he's going and where he's staying so, as well as flight info, so that you can be fully aware of his intentions.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Dylis Offline OP
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Thank you Job. I was bumping the thread, not just my last posts. It looks like a thread gets replies when they're listed on the first page. My first and original thread in the newcomers forum haven't received any replies in over two weeks...it went dead. So I was doing it to get some attention so that this too won't go dead and I guess it worked (a little). Maybe I'm expecting too much from this community, I'll hone it back.

As for the travel, we said we'll work on the terms so that we are both okay with it. So negotiations are not complete.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Jan 2000
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job Offline
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Actually,
Posters do look at threads on other pages. However, in order to keep your thread alive and if you aren't getting responses, come here more regularly and post. If poster see that you don't come too often, they can only assume that you are away on travel or not following your own thread. This Forum is more active in the way of posting...but people aren't going to post if they don't hear back from you either.

So, post away and tell us what's been happening w/you and your family. Just because your h is acting out, doesn't mean that you can't come here and post about yourself and what you've been doing to keep the focus on you.

Glad to hear that the negotiations on the travel are still being worked on. Hopefully you and your h can reach an agreement on them very soon.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted By: Dylis
Thank you Job. I was bumping the thread, not just my last posts. It looks like a thread gets replies when they're listed on the first page. My first and original thread in the newcomers forum haven't received any replies in over two weeks...it went dead. So I was doing it to get some attention so that this too won't go dead and I guess it worked (a little). Maybe I'm expecting too much from this community, I'll hone it back.

As for the travel, we said we'll work on the terms so that we are both okay with it. So negotiations are not complete.


I totally understand where you're coming from. It's not like the forums I'm used to where there is more traffic. It seems here people gravitate towards sitch's that are similar to their own. At least that's what I do. Eventually those people respond but I haven't really had any "vets" chime in on my sitch yet(just a handful of nice people that offer support every once in a while). Maybe that's a good thing. I feel like I'm handling things ok but I'm not entirely sure. It would be nice to have some more of my questions answered but I'll figure it out. As I'm sure you will too.

Just post a lot. Journal here if you have to. Vent.

About your question... I agree with job. Get all the info you can get regarding his trip. Agree to have daily communication with your child.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
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Originally Posted By: 2ndTimeHurt

Just post a lot. Journal here if you have to. Vent.

About your question... I agree with job. Get all the info you can get regarding his trip. Agree to have daily communication with your child.


Thanks for the understanding 2x. Honestly, right now, I'm tired of venting and journaling. I'm pretty sure moments will come where venting and journaling is what I'll need, but in this moment I need answers to my questions. I need reassurance that I'm doing a good job or I'm doing a bad job or that I'm doing both. I need advice from people who've been there and done that. I could be wrong about what I need, but it's what I'm feeling. You see you said that you think you're handling things okay but you're not entirely sure...that's exactly how I feel.

Nevertheless, I'll keep posting. People will respond and I'll be grateful for it. I guess what I'm missing is feedback. I'm not getting any feedback from H and I'm not getting as much feedback as I'd like to from this forum. So how can I figure out if what I'm doing is working or not working?


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Jan 2000
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What type of questions are running through your head? What do you need reassurances on/about? We can't give you feedback unless you give us sometime to respond to as to what is going on w/you and your situation. How about an update? Write down how you feel or what you think you should be feeling.

How are you doing? How is your little one doing? What are you doing to stay busy? What are you doing to keep your focus on you and your child? What are your plans for spring?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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As of right now, I don't have any questions. My concerns were for some of my previous questions that went unanswered. I've already posted some of the things that I've been doing that I didn't get feedback from. Again, mostly from my Newcomers thread that I inserted a link to here in this forum in a previous post. I understand that not all of my posts will get replies, so it's ok. Moving on...

Since my D just turned 3, she is officially allowed to join the children's choir at the church. We attended the first practice this past Wednesday and I couldn't be more proud of her. She wasn't shy, repeated the words, sang the ABCs, danced and twirled to the music. It was great. Their next performance will be for mother's day and what a great gift it shall be to see her perform.

Second class tonight for the women's bible study I'm in. They gave us a binder filled with things to read, homework assignments -- or holywork as they call it, and lists of bible verses to refer to. The readings and holywork are very helpful and this is just from the first week. So I'm really looking forward to completing this series just to see how much it helped me.

It's been a week again since H has spoken to or seen our D. Oh well, his loss.

Tomorrow I plan to go to IC, visit a friend in the hospital, go to the public library for story time with D, and then going out with the girls again. It's nice to be going out with them again so soon. Lately, we've only been hanging out to celebrate kids' birthdays, so it's nice to have adult fun for a change. Most likely another long night...can't wait!


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
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Last week I felt good that H was calling at least once a day and giving me the opportunity to not answer. This week there were no phone calls besides the one from Monday that I previously posted about. So although I felt good about it last week, this week the feeling is not the same...no pursuit. And with him not interacting with D, I don't get to hear him pumping information out of her about me. Crazy, huh? It's like a post I read here in the community, can't remember which one, but the poster felt that his/her partner was doing the LRT on them. So they wondered if both people were doing the LRT on each other, would they cancel out? Would it be DBing? I believe someone's response to the poster was that the LRT isn't some trick used to get your partner back, it's a technique to get yourself back (not exact words but that's what I got from it). My point is that I can understand why the poster felt that way, because that's how I'm feeling now. So, I'm glad I read that post before I got this feeling.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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I'm glad your little one is in the church choir. She'll enjoy it and she will continue to grow by leaps and bounds. This will help her self esteem too. I'm sure you were very proud of her.

Sounds like you've got some things to keep you busy the next few days.

Sometimes the MLCer will call or drop by and then disappear. I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that's not contacted you this week. If and when he's ready, he will drop in once again. No contact and the LRT are not to win your spouse back. The tools we discuss here are for you, the LBS. They are to help you gain a bit of distance and find your footing. If you are in constant contact w/the MLCer, you will be on the same coaster ride that they are on, i.e., emotional ups and downs. The tools allow you to find some peace and quiet and yes, even begin to see just how nutty the spouses are right now. But most importantly, it helps you to find a better way to deal w/them.

Sit quietly, the answers will come and yes, he'll be touch w/you again very soon.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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All my plans for the weekend went through but had some bumps along the way. There's so much I want to talk about but I don't feel like or want to type them all on here.

I mostly felt mad this weekend. Mad at my family, my friends, my IC...or maybe it's not mad but annoyance. But then I was told that there are 4 main feelings: glad, mad, sad, and scared and that any other feeling can be grouped into one of those categories; so annoyance falls under mad...so I'm mad.

I almost missed my group study on Friday night because my mother couldn't babysit my daughter anymore last minute. So I called my sister, my brother, some cousins, and finally my husband and they all said they couldn't watch her...the ones who actually answered my call or replied to my text. H couldn't watch her because he wasn't in town and this is how I find out about it. Not that I need to know his every move but for the sake of being there for your D, it would be nice to know that your not going to be in town before you actually go out of town. Shared responsibility my A**. I panicked and eventually broke down in tears in front of my D in my parked car in a parking lot (not on the phone with H). I made sure I sounded okay and kept the call very short. In fact as soon as he said he couldn't I said okay and then said bye. Anyway, through the tears and my D saying mommy don't cry, I started praying and God made a way. I thought of someone who I wouldn't have thought of otherwise and that's who pulled through for me. Someone who isn't family, who isn't a close friend, who isn't or wasn't a part of my support group, and she was the one who said yes. Long story short, I made it to my class and I was grateful and we and our children hung out for a while after I got back. My D made some new friends and I made a new connection with my good friend. So although my night started out bumpy it ended smoothly and we scheduled future play dates.

Saturday morning I went to my third session with my new IC and left there feeling angry. My employer switched insurance companies which caused me to break ties with my previous IC because he didn't accept the new insurance provider. So in my search of a new IC I chose to visit with this one. What attracted me to her first was the name of her practice, Successful Unions. I took pointers from DR and the Choosing a Marriage Therapist post in the "When Therapy Hurts" Forum to aid me in choosing a therapist, because although I was searching for an IC the pointers still applied here. Long story short, she ended up being no good at all...causing more damage than helping. I gave her this third chance you know to be fair and forget 3 strikes you're out. She called my H my soon-to-be-ex and when I told her I didn't want to call him that she replied well isn't that what he is...No, he's my husband! If I accepted that title for him I felt that it would hinder my PMA. She's divorced herself and doesn't seem to be pro-marriage. Successful Unions my A**! There's more but I'll end it there.

Saturday night's hanging with the girls turned into hanging with a girl. I was invited by a co-worker to this event Saturday night, so I invited the girls because I didn't want to be out alone with the co-worker and his friends. I needed familiar people there with me. So I invited them and they all said they were going. I even confirmed with them on Friday. So one of them texted about 45 minutes before the event that she might not be coming because her babysitter fell through, she texted this to all of us. So when she sent this the other two I guess decided they weren't going anymore either, but they failed to contact me and when I called and texted them they did not answer or reply. What the heck?! Anyway, the one friend was able to find another babysitter and came to my house to pick me up. I asked her did she hear from the other two, she said no, but will send them a text. And guess what, they replied to her. One said she couldn't go because she was tired and the other said "oh, I thought we weren't going anymore from the text you sent." Wasn't I the one who invited them out!?! So wouldn't it be my call of whether it's cancelled or not? I took a deep breath and said I won't let this ruin my night and I went to the event with the one friend and we had a great time. Got home after 4am.

When I did get home. I got on my knees and prayed. I prayed about my situation, prayed for my two friends in the hospital, my husband, my friends, my family, my co-worker, etc...I just prayed. I finished and felt so much better about my bumpy weekend. Then a weird thing happened. I found myself calling my H. His phone was off so it went straight to voicemail. I left this message, "Hi (his name), it's (my name). I just wanted to say that Jesus loves you and that God has a wonderful plan for your life. Amen." Then I hung up and went to bed. He called the next morning, early. Missed the call because I went to pick up my D from the babysitter and didn't have the phone with me. Called him back but had my D talking to him because he called Saturday to speak with her but she wasn't with me. So they spoke, this time I had the call on speaker, and towards the end of the conversation when my D started to say goodbye, he threw in that he got my message. He didn't say anything more about it and I didn't respond (didn't know how to) then they said their goodbyes and my D hung up.

Sunday went to church, played at the playground with D, hung out with my family, then went home and had a Netflix binge with D. No superbowl for us...can't afford cable. All-in-all a good day.

So what I got from this weekend is that there will always be obstacles in your path, but with the right tools and the right leader (God) you'll overcome them. And I'm making sure that I only hold on to the good things that happened this weekend: new connection with my friend, the playdate opportunities for D, the great event and the new acquaintences from Saturday, my message for H, and the peace from Sunday.

I know very long one...until next time.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
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