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Chrispy, if you've read any of Michele's books, you know that what DLS advised is considered part of the Last Resort Technique. Not something to try until less drastic measures have proven fruitless.

Oh, except the "cheat on her" thing. Michele would never advise that!

If you can get what you want without bombing everything, that's always best in my opinion.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
Chrispy, if you've read any of Michele's books, you know that what DLS advised is considered part of the Last Resort Technique. Not something to try until less drastic measures have proven fruitless.

Oh, except the "cheat on her" thing. Michele would never advise that!

If you can get what you want without bombing everything, that's always best in my opinion.


I agree with what she is saying. I learned all about the "power dynamics" that occur in these situations, and what was funny is some of the "bad" advice will get a cheaters attention, but to also change the light in which they view what they are doing.

When they are doing their affairs, they think it is special, that they are in love, that it is unique.

When you do it to them, they no longer get to look on you as someone who is codependant on them for the sex. It also diminishes the light of their own cheating.

It's not good advice, but last resort advice like it was said.

The other thing that we accepted after years of these. One of the loudest things you can do to get a cheaters attention is to cut off communication.

If you were supporting your cheating spouse, you cut off support and communications. Allow them to hit rock bottom on their own. It takes time.

The 180 is also a great manuever, removing your codependancy from the cheater and allowing you to have growth and repair in the face of a bad situation.

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Chrispy, I recommend starting your own thread on Newcomers, you'll definitely find people to listen and offer advice and support.


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
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