New to the site...

[heartbroken5]

So I pulled back this weekend and got a text from the ex this morning asking if I had time today for brunch. I asked what time did he have in mind, we agreed and me up at a place hat he suggested. Again another nice time. Irnonically this is similar to the fist date he asked me out on. A friend of mine made a point to bring that up. I know that friends and family aren't really the ones that I should accept advice from. She suggest that I don't see him, saying what's the point, you guys are divorced. I understand the sentiment but to me these meetings are harmless.

After each time I'm learning that the pull back is the safest way... Today was good. We shared a hug initally as well a hello kiss. We talked and laughed a lot once again. It was good. After brunch, we embraced and kissed again. He text me after and said that I looked as beautiful as ever...

I think where I am now is just enjoying getting reaquainted with no expectations. It's totally time to get back to my GAL activities and work on me. I start my work out again this week, I'm looking forward to it.

I love my ex and I see what all of the other members say about allowing them to see the new me and how important that is. He's tried to bring up the past a few times, the mistakes he made and what he's learned.. I keep encouraging him and letting him kno wthat the past is the past. Now it's time for me to take my own advice. Move forward. Honestly I can get caught up in what I want and focus on what's best.

I'm going back to reread the old post.

[AnotherStander]

LOVE the squirrel analogy AnotherStander!!

Thank you, I wrote it but it was based on previous comments I had read on these forums

So I pulled back this weekend and got a text from the ex this morning asking if I had time today for brunch. I asked what time did he have in mind, we agreed and me up at a place hat he suggested. Again another nice time.

Good! You pulled back and he pursued, that's usually what happens

I know that friends and family aren't really the ones that I should accept advice from. She suggest that I don't see him, saying what's the point, you guys are divorced.

Yeah, MWD talks about this a bit in DR. They want what they think is best for you, and they think that putting him in the rearview mirror is what is best. But what they think and reality are two different things. So thank her for her thoughts, but tell her you're going to follow your heart on this and that you hope that she will support you.

After each time I'm learning that the pull back is the safest way... Today was good. We shared a hug initally as well a hello kiss. We talked and laughed a lot once again. It was good. After brunch, we embraced and kissed again. He text me after and said that I looked as beautiful as ever...

Awesome interaction Just don't push him too fast, let him drive the pace. And keep those expectations low!

I think where I am now is just enjoying getting reaquainted with no expectations. It's totally time to get back to my GAL activities and work on me.

Exactly

[heartbroken5]

*****UPDATE - NEED FEEDBACK BEFORE I TAKE 1K STEPS BACK*****

SOOOOO... I got a text Saturday morning asking if we were still on for the date we scheduled during brunch. I thought he forgotten all about it, I made other plans.. (unknowing to him i changed them to confirm that we were on). He met me at a little bar that I go to to watch football.. I made friends with a few folks at the bar, by the time he came and got settled we all were laughing talking buying rounds of drinks etc. It was a good time. Our new friends were all talking about how great we looked together and how much in love we looked..We both just laughed and I made jokes about it being our 3rd date. They couldn't believe it, but then we came clean that it was our 3rd since our divorce. Everyone was supprized, we talked about how we still loved one another, hugged, etc. all publicly. We left that bar and moved on to another place for some dancing. The night was epic. He insisted that I didn't drive and by the end of the night I found myself sitting in his car infront of the house. I refused to go in, something in me just couldn't. He understood and then we went to my place, only to find that I couldn't access because everything was in my car on the other side of town. So.. we went to a hotel...We went back and forth about what happened/what didn't happen/etc. We then ML. All night, all morning...We ordered room service and got really cozy. It was a good time. Things didn't even get weird after. We laughed about the crazy night...It's crazy because every time I spend time with him I realize how much I love him and would be willing to work it out, but he has to want that. I've got to put all of this in prespective - pronto. I'm afraid that I am going to use this as a way to believe we are on our way. I want to be realistic.. I want to be able to process this and continue to move forward. Was this supposed to happen? Am I a fool? Am I just reaching? He could have just wanted sex right? Feeback, please, anyone?

[AnotherStander]

It is very common for a WAS to distance after something like you describe above, so don't be surprised if you hear very little from him for a few days. He's going to think that he overdid things and gave you the wrong impression. Just pull back and give him time and space. Let HIM reach out to YOU. If he does then it's fine to respond, just don't initiate. It sounds like a really wonderful night, so just celebrate it as a nice baby step. Things are not all better now, don't think that they are. At times like this you've really got to embrace patience

[heartbroken5]

Update...

I found myself going crazy, trying to figure out what's going on here. We've texted several times since the "date", however I found myself creeping towards heavy expectations... hoping to see him this past weekend, wondering what's going on, why hadn't he text me etc. I know crazy, but something strange happened I didn't break down, I just realized it's time to refocus and throw myself back into my GAL activites. I'm wondering though if I should attempt a 180 as well....i had no choice the first go around. I text yesterday with football comments, he didn't reply until this morning and then text me several times about the goings on in his office. His father also called me saturday telling me about the long conversation that took place on Saturday about us "dating" (i had no idea that we were) and the posibility of getting back together. He said that my ex kept talking about the good time we had and how i seem so different now.. how good i look, how social i am, how i'm doing great at work, how he made a mistake, the things he did that were wrong, etc. IDK. I just listed to what he had to say, played it cool for the most part. He also shared that he told the ex, that there's nothing wrong with wanting to get back with his wife, but you have to do things right and work towards the marriage.. that I (me) can't do all the work and that's what he observed.

While all of this sounds great and knowing that I want to get back with him and try again so much,I just don't want to force myself into believing anything that just may not ever happen...

So while I'm in this "state" I'm going to go back to my GAL activities and push beyond whats happening..

[heartbroken5]

yesterday we communicated via text, regarding the goings on at his job. we chatted a bit but i pulled it back a little. i didn't text last night, i really thought hard about doing so but made myself get busy. it worked.. and continuing about my morning. i received a text saying "morning, just checking in.." i'm at a total loss with this one, fighting myself to not over analyze or wonder what the heck does that mean. could have have sent that to me in error? idk....i replied.. this whole thing makes me nervous...i need to focus on patience i suppose.

[heartbroken5]

I think I messed up. We met for dinner the other day to talk about work and what not our convo veered off to dating. I shared my experience and he just shut down saying he couldn't have that convo w/me. Our evening ended and he didn't even want me to touch him. After we parted I called to check on him he apologized for the emotional response. I talked about how I haven't talked to him in over a year and I was really enjoying his company and hoped that we could continue. He stated that he's been reaching out and checking in and wanted to continue. It sounds great but I feel like I could have pushed him away again. I've been emitional since that night. He txt me the following day asking me about my meeting.. We txt for a while and I ended it with asking for a raincheck for the remainder of our evening... No response. I was pretty sad, still a little discouraged but moving forward and staying active. I feel like maybe I got lost in expectations again.. I just don't know how to handle this contact or if I'm doing ok. I don't want to push him away again.

[heartbroken5]

Why is he contacting me that's what I can't understand.

[BrightFuture]

HB, just catching up on your thread. What a story. All I can say is keep your GAL and your changes. Give him space. He is going to act weird sometimes. I’m sure he has lots of feelings to go through, just like you. If what your FIL say is true and your ex wants to reconnect with you, you need lots of patience. Take it veeeery slooow. He is going to have his emotions and doubts. You need to be a prize that he will want to win.

My H also has lots of pride and is very stubborn. So, I can relate. It must not be easy for him to admit he made a mistake. So, your job is to give him lots of space and let him make his final decision on his own.

I can imagine how difficult it must be for you, to have your hopes up, and still not knowing how this is going to end. I would keep the expectation very low and just treat this dates and this contact like something new.

I haven’t read your entire thread, sorry. Did your ex have an OW?

[heartbroken5]

Thank you for the feedback BF. I got a text yesterday saying that I am his one and only love. It's weird because he gives a little then pulls back. Gives and pulls back. I don't know how to respond. I respond when he reaches out but have cut out initiating contact. Then my mind goes to well, maybe he sent that to me in error.