I got a bit curious about the percentage of the actual trigger that precipitated the onset of the MLC journey. I am of the firm belief that 99.9% of the onset trigger is a death of a loved one (friend or relative) based on reading the threads in this particular forum.
It would be helpful to us and for newbies to see each one of you respond here so we can have a clear sense of where the numbers are.
Mine was the loss of my maternal grandmother. So the category would be 'Death'. How did your MLCer start on his/her journey? I'll go first.
Wonka: My own grandmother passes away in the Spring of 1999. BD in Spring of 2003. Death of a family member.
Loses political election Nov. 5th DB Nov. 9th. During the campaign of 8 months I could do nothing right. Now he is ruined, and it is of course, all my fault.
99.9% certain W's MLC was triggered by 3 deaths in 4 months.
1-Student she taught as a small child that died of cancer her sophomore year in college. She was very close to her & the family.
2-Her last remaining grandparent, her maternal grandmother.
3-Another student she taught as a small child that also died of cancer his freshman year in college. She had this boy when he was diagnosed with cancer the first time as a 4 year old. We are exceptionally close to this family.
Next...
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Summer 2008 - W's father (who SA her) dies. Summer 2009 - EA OM1 Summer 2010 - Break off with OM1, things "okay" Spring 2011 - Deep, deep depression, feels failure, doesn't know who she is. Summer 2011 - Starts playing online in adult hook up sites Sept 2011 - Multiple EA's occurring, BD#1 December 2011 - Anger stage begins in earnest, BD#2 Feb 2012 - PA begins, multiple EA's via internet/phone, continuing through year, OM1 back in pic, probable other PA's or one-nighters Jan/Feb 2013 - Ending of some PA and EA's Spring 2013 - BD#3, stated OM withdrawal Summer 2013 - Wants to wait on D, some dipping back into replay behaviors, but I'm not too sure of the extent. Fall/Winter 2013 - Still in house, still "I don't know" about R or D. ....
-Death of a family member.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
My EXW trigger - Her Grandmother died who she was not close too. She told her Mom that this Grandmother treated the other grandkids better than her and she was angry about that.
Other than that no other triggers that I was aware of.
Car accident in 1997, saw his life pass before his eyes
Lost step father in March of 1998
Lost father in November of 1998
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm struggling with this one. There weren't any deaths.
Smokey lost out on a big job promotion in 2009-2010? He was devastated. He worked at the same job for 15 years and was a really good employee. When a promotion came up, he was overlooked for someone outside the organization--and this person who was hired was lousy. The guy they hired relied on H to do both H's job and the supervisor job. It was horribly unfair. Around the same time, our house nearly foreclosed. That promotion would have been a God send.
There were other jobs where H lost out, unfairly, and this one really got to him. I was so sad for him.
In addition, our youngest daughter was having serious problems and resisting going to school. We struggled with 3+ hours a day of Autism meltdowns. Very stressful.
Within the year, she was diagnosed with Asperger's and H had a big problem with this diagnosis. He was always "busy" and unable to attend dr appts--he didn't even come when the doc told me the diagnosis. It was my problem to fix--according to Smokey.
And, our oldest was hitting adolescence at full speed--nasty boyfriend and had sex and all that fun stuff--her heart was broken.
Around this time, H really reached out to me to get a job and "rescue" him. I think he looked at me as having the key to saving his happiness. I can see now how I dropped the ball. He needed me and I was too absorbed in our youngest daughter and oldest daughter and trying like he!! to keep our kids from spinning outta control. I didn't give my husband the help he needed from me.
Still, I think that, even if I had given him what he wanted, he "needed" me to be his excuse so he could lose himself in his drug and remain stuck in his own quaqmire of issues.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
