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this is only my advise so take it as you will...
I would not drop the charges
you said you would do it...follow through


this is a fact...
it is not your ex's job to inform you of school stuff...that is your job. Call the school, contact the teachers, find out what activities they are in and make a point of acknowledging them even if you can't be there

get it together and stop blaming her for your relationship with your kids

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Everyone's right. Start taking the initiative of finding out about your children's activities and not to rely on your XW. PLUS, start getting that custody back so that you can spend more time with them. If they see you spending more time with your new family, they could grow to be very resentful.


M-43 W-40
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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Originally Posted By: MrBond
Everyone's right. Start taking the initiative of finding out about your children's activities and not to rely on your XW. PLUS, start getting that custody back so that you can spend more time with them. If they see you spending more time with your new family, they could grow to be very resentful.


Plus they will never be able to bond with your new family unless they are around them (no pun intended MrBond lol). Once they get to spend time with your new family they will be able to figure out that they are not the evil empire as portrayed.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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Speak of the devil (who lurks "in the details")...

I leave work early to arrive at counselor at 3:00, the time that was set at last Monday's appt with counselor by X, C and myself. X's Husband is only person in waiting room. I sit down and say nothing. He comments a few moments later, "Your appointment isn't until 5:00.". I respond, "No it's at 3:00, that the time we set last Monday." He shakes his head slightly and I ask "Are the kids here?" His only response was "Nope."

I step outside and try to call X, DD and DS with no luck. I go back in and sit down. Counselor comes out, looks at both of us and asks. "OK, what are we doing?" I review that we agreed that kids and I were to have a session at 3:00.". C looks at X'sH who says "X decided it wasn't a good idea to check out kids early because of finals this week so she switched times."
I then told X'sH, "You couldn't call and let me know?" "I just found out myself" he responded.
I'm going back at 5:00


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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well, so she treats OMH the same as you. He got the prize...


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Yes, at some point you have to stop pitying yourself about the lack of communication and figure out how you'll get by anyway. For example, not that you should have to, but you COULD now make a routine of verifying appointments with the office the evening before. Take XW's flakiness as a given and figure out a system for dealing with it, instead of expecting her to change. Needing someone else to change in order for you to be OK is a recipe for unhappiness.


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6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
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Hey Sleeper. Long time.

I agree. Take charge of it and assume she'll be flaky. If you haven't noticed she obviously hates (you? men? everyone?) and treats them all with disdain and contempt.

Assume she will continue to do so and take appropriate actions.

About the kids. Stop trying to make them see both sides etc. They're smart. They'll figure it out pretty darn quickly.

What you have been doing didn't and has not been working.

Counseling? BS. That counselor is an idiot. Fire him (and I don't care who hired him). Go back to the lawyer and get the visitation you've been awarded and ensure it sticks.

Your X is a bully, Sleeper. And you're enabling it. You're both wrong for it, and you're both paying for it.

Don't get me wrong Sleeper. I've been there. Not wanting to take a decisive action for fear (see that word?) of not being able to talk to my ex.

Stop. Look around. Get over the idea of talking to that putrid pile of dog manure of a woman and deal with all the rest of the stuff that needs dealing with.

The X'sH? He's a prize, isn't he? Taking bets how long he'll last before she tosses him to the heap?

AJ


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Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Another blowup....
After having X arrested back in October for trespassing (refusing to leave my home)I decided to drop the charges. The wheels of justice turn slowly and I was contacted by the city attorney about the case last month. I did this for a variety of reasons, the major one being not to distress the kids as things had settled down quite a bit since last fall.
I have been parking on the street when picking up; kids at X's house since then. I've notice X's H comes outside often when I'm there (now I know why). While dropping off DS the other night i phoned DD to come out so I could see her too and get a hug. As she went inside, X's H came out and approached my vehicle asking if he could have a word with me.
He said I owed him "an apology" for having my X arrested. I disagreed. A little back and forth and I finally told him if he apologized for coming in my house without being invited and cursing me, I would reciprocate. I then got in my vehicle and attempted to close the door. He grabbed the door, pulling it out of my hand and said, "You're on my property now." I ignored him and started the vehicle with the door open. He (seeing he had failed in eliciting a reaction?) then turned and walked towards his house as I backed down the driveway.
I called X to convey my concerns about the children living under the same roof with an individual with such a temper. She said he was trying to protect her (whatever) and that he had seen what she had been through, the counseling, expense of counseling and of getting arrest off her record (attempting now), etc.
I'm just sick of some type of blowup every 2-3 months.
I have since spoken with X who agrees I do have a right (and her permission) to come on the property to pick up/drop off the children. I suspect but have not investigated a legal right also as we have shared custody.
Will the drama ever end?


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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Do what just about everyone in Russia does...install a camera in your vehicle .. you have to know by now that your ex is out to get you away from your kids and will do anything and everything to accomplish her goal.

Her now husband wants to be her knight, but shouldn't be involving himself in her dramafest.

Maybe park on the street from now on to avoid both of them.

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sleeper Offline OP
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It's taking a toll on me but something must be taking a toll on them as well. He didn't say I owed her an apology but I owed HIM an apology. X did make excuse of "He's just trying to protect me." On the phone she then went on to say just thinking about being arrested (cuffed, removed from property, given a citation and released) back in the fall was stressing her out, she developed a fear of the police, etc.
My only concern is the kids (who blame me for EVERYTHING)but this has given me some small insight to the stress X has caused for herself and them by the whole unnecessary mess.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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