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Frank,

You're "spot on" on a couple of points. I don't know what's going on inside his head but I have speculated quite a bit (a waste of energy as there is no way for me go know).

The change in my son has hit hard as DD went through her first teenage uproar last year and I'm accustomed to her being moody from time to time. DS and I were very close, even after X began violating the custody agreement, until the arrest of X so this is a big adjustment.

I've always been very close to my kids. I'm a teacher and took care of them after school, Saturdays and holiday breaks even after the divorce until they werecold enough to be home alone during X's time.

I do need to change my response to all this. DD's response to me has moderated as she now says "I love you" at the end of talks and texts. DS is noticeably different in conversation and texting. One or two word responses, hasn't said "I love you" since X's arrest. X can be very controlling Nd IMHO emotionally abusive. I have seen her bark at him and he lowered his head with silent tears rolling.

X was arrested for trespassing/refusing to leave, given a citation and released. I have not been notified of a court date on her charges. An officer told me such is recorded as a misdemeanor arrest.

X has filed a civil suit against me which will be heard in court Tuesday AM (her response to my pressing charges). Thursday is Thanksgiving which the kids have always spent with me and for the past four years with my now wife and her extended family at her parent's home out of town (Thanksgivig was never a big deal in X's fsmily). This will be the first year my mother won't be there as she recently died.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Feb 2008
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Good luck at the hearing. I know it will be hard, but try to make Thanksgiving a good one with your wife and step-kids.

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Well that sucked. Judge ruled my X CAN enter my home, enter attic and front bedroom and remove things listed in decision. Must be accompanie by police officer she hires and movers she hires. This after my L assured me X had NO right to enter my home, not any more than any other person on the planet as we have been D'd for four years and I bought the house from her over three years ago free and clear.

My L and I actually added things to list she forgot. L said X was the angriest person she's seen and will have serious health issues soon if not abated. She said X's H was an "agitator". L also said she expects another incident when X does enter the home and is prevented from taking items that are not on the list by officer.

X told the judge she has proof of things in the home she photographed through my windows. (Trespassing again?). Judge had no reaction, X's arrest for trespassing (refusing to leave) was documented in proceedings.

Nothing has happened on the physical custody violation by X. That is the next thing I must move on.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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Weird. But at least it come with a price for her. She has to pay money to be monitored by the police. This will be an expensive lesson for her.


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Yeah, it's been expensive for me as well. Irony is this probably can't be finalized until week of Christmas. Lawyers have to communicate final details back and forth, she has to hire movers, policeman has to be found and hired (during time when they probably already have employment at stores).

Result......She may be getting stuff during Christmas Break, the time I had already offered she could !

Total "no contact" continues from X (violation of Custody Orders). I email her about children and then I get a response sometime later from children (or her?) by text on their phones.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
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Okay, so here's the latest....

I got a text response from both kids late Thanksgiving EVE in the form of an offer from them to have breakfast with me Thanksgiving Day. This was the now common, dysfunctional, response from X by proxy to my direct email to X referencing the fact I have always had them Thanksgiving Day/last half of their week off from school and inquiring if she was planning on continuing that tradition. Fact is the text "answer" from kids was so late I was asleep as we have driven out of town for years to my wife's parent's home.

I responded to kid's text when I awake that we're leaving, can't have breakfast with them and i'll call them when I return.

I did call them today and invite them to a one time showing of a holiday classic movie, "Holiday Inn", at a local theater. We took W's kids and mine to a similar event, "It's a Wonderful Life", last year, my Christmas gift to everyone.

DS calls me this afternoon, asks if it's "OK" to have a three-way call with DD. A little surprised, I say, "sure". He continues to tell me he's not comfortable going to a movie with me and my W, but will go if it's only me and his sister. DD chimes in she agrees with him. I ask "Why?" and they both say it's because of the way my W has treated them. Mind you, DS has said nothing negative about W before this conversation although DD has. DS even came to W's house a few weeks ago and W made props for his school costume and assisted DS and I in making his Halloween Costume.

I respond I cannot comply with their request.

I don't know what to do. X has control of the kids and is mentally manipulating and emotionally abusing them.

Before someone says, "Get a L and take X to court", I have a L and I went to court this week and the end result was not even what the L said would happen.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
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Was the recent court date you had relating to you filing contempt charges relating to her recent "no contact" or something similar? No good L will ever be able to guarantee you an outcome of what is going to happen in court, and outcomes in family court do not resolve in one or two hearings. You have to look at what your goals are; the importance of having your children in your life and their having their father in their lives. Have you met with your L regarding your next step in trying to enforce your custody agreement?


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My children do not have any R with their Dad's new wife. It is totally their choice (they are young adults). But she was the one who broke up the marriage. She was the OW. They both say they will not have a R with her EVER but if he was with someone new - that would be ok.

I do not believe your wife was OW. Have you asked the kids for specifics of "how she treats them" that they do not like? I'd be all over that if it was me rather than assuming they are being manipulated (despite the fact they might be). Step parenting and blending families is NEVER easy. Do you spend one on one time with them without her around? You should.

I feel for you. The whole thing is a mess. But don't lose track of the most important thing - getting shared custody and time with your children. Although YOU don't want to be manipulated - you just gave up time with them. Continue trying no matter what to communicate their importance to you and do whatever it takes to make it happen. I think they are crying out for help in this God awful mess over which they have no control.

Barb

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Your relationship with your kids is really up to you. I hear from my girls that their dad hardly ever spends alone time with them. Yes, he married his affair partner so it isn't easy.

What I fail to understand, if you had your kids one day a week and every other weekend, wouldn't you spend every moment you could with them? The relationship with your kids need to be rebuilt between you and them, not you and your wife. You need to let them know how important they are to you. Your wife of course is also important but that relationship between her and them will need to take the backseat for now.

Please make the effort with just them, not because your ex is setting you up to fail but because the relationship with them is that important.

kat


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X's H was the "other man". He came into their lives when DS was 5, DD was 7. DS says he can hardly remember X and I being together (there are pictures ).

Legal action thus far has been property related, I have responded to X's lawsuit. My L took opportunity to get X 's arrest in the record (L's strategy). Action on custody has not begun yet, am told will be lengthy and drawn out.

In meantime X has kids 24/7. Seeing them/spending time with them is problematic. I tried three time this week to have them. Rejection each time. When it appeared there would be a time for me to have kids and I agreed, X created complications/need for changes which I could not comply. Result: I leek bad, kids are angry with me.

Each time is an emotional roller coaster for me ( as well as kids I am sure).


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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