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#2397770 10/26/13 04:14 AM
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I have tried to maintain contact with my kids as best as I can these past few months since X took them. Its much more difficult now that they don't live with me at all. To complicate matters often when I do call them with plans to do something, X will say she already has plans with a little chiding that I shouldn't wait til "last minute" (despite the fact that I am call a couple of days ahead of time), followed by a "why don't you spend more time with the kids anymore?" from her. Huh?

DS and I went hunting last weekend, had a blast. I texted him along with X Tuesday night about going again this weekend. No firm answer for a couple of days and when I inquired again I was told he had lacrosse practice this weekend and can't go. Mind you this is the first mention of lacrosse I've heard. Turns out he joined the team Wednesday, the day after I asked about him going the hunting trip. Coincidence?

I did get a textfrom DS he needed a costume for "Colonial Day" at school today. I had him ride the bus to my workplace after school yesterday and we went to my old home and got a costume together (backwoods trapper with coonskin cap and suede leather knifesheath). We then went to my wife's house (where I live) and put the final touches on it, made a fake knife out of plywood for the sheath and he painted it. Later he opted to leave it at home lest risk "weapon" on campus issues. We finished the evening with barbeque and I transported him to his mother's.

I took the day off from work to be with DS at "Colonial Day" at his school. X and her H showed up after I arrived and left before I did. I hugged DS goodbye when it was over and stopped by my old house on the way home to wife's house. That's when "crazy" happened.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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I was in the bedroom of the house when I heard the doorbell ring. Walking to the door I saw it was X as the front door is a French style door with many lites. I opened the door and she asked, "Can we talk for a minute?" I responded, "OK" and she stepped inside.

She began by saying, "We aren't communicating well", and I agreed as I have recently mentioned dismay over lack of knowledge about children: Report cards, events such as DS's "Colonial Days" (I had less than 48 hrs notice) and DD's High School Dance next weekend (I found out about it last Friday when ticket sales ended and she had no ticket).

She then turned the discussion to things she wants from the house wanting to know when she can come in and "get her stuff." Long story, she moved out 3 years ago without cleaning out the house when I bought it back from her. She had gotten it in the divorce settlement and she and H built a new home and I bought it back from her. There are some things in that house that I consider hers and want her to have. It is a long story and I've tried to take things to her/asked when she could come get some things in the beginning but she said the time was not right or she didn't have room at her new residence, etc. Now it has become a crisis issue for some reason. The problem is she now insists on coming in and picking and choosing what she considers "hers". I don't feel comfortable with her in my house but when she said we weren't communicating I thought it was about the kids.

Within a couple of sentences she said she would get a lawyer and take me to court. I explained to her she has taken my children from me and I no longer trust her to come on my property and take what she says is hers. I pointed out I have attempted to bring things, brought her some things and asked for a list of what she wants that she has never provided. This opened a discussion of her violation of custody orders. I pointed out she said I could have kids every other weekend, and one night during the week, over a year ago but I have yet to have them one entire weekend, so how can I trust what she says or does now? She responded saying I could have them the weekends my wife's kids are not with her (the opposite weekends I had them for years). She again asked when she could get "her things" and I offered Christmas break as I am off and will have some time to get some things done then. She then demanded an exact "date".

At this point we were near the door. I reminded her the Christmas break is the two weeks around Christmas and New Years and I don't have a "date" as I didn't have a calendar (neither did she). I opened the door and told her to leave my home, pointing out her threatening demeanor. She then walked across the room, away from the door, sat in a chair and said, "I'm not leaving until I get an exact date, you can call the police if you want."

X's H had been sitting in the driveway as he drove her to my house. He must have seen the discussion at the open door and X's demeanor as he appeared at the door while I was talking to the police on my phone. He stepped in and began to berrate me as he took out his phone to video the exchange while telling X to leave, cursing, telling her she was trespassing and cursing me. He told her they would file a lawsuit, a lein on the house, full custody of the children (we have joint, shared custody although she is in violation), the paperwork was all ready to go.

X finally did get up to exit the house, agreeing with him to go to the sidewalk and wait for the police even though she said she would wait seated in the chair and "tell them" her side. As she walked out the door the front doorknob came off in her hand (it does occasionally). She said, "I'm keeping this, it belongs to me" and walked away to the sidewalk carrying it with her.

Police came, took statement from me and viewed video I had recorded. I'm sure they viewed X's H's video too, then they arrested my X. As they cuffed her on the sidewalk, X's H yelled to me, "Are you really going to do this Sleeper? you have the power to stop this", then pulled out his camera and took a pic of me on the porch and yelled, "I'm taking this so I can show your kids what you've done." One of the officers returned my doorknob to me.

I immediately called my daughter and my son. My daughter was on the bus home from school and I didn't want to upset her so I told her I would call her back. My son was home but moments after I called him, X's H also called him (I saw him on his phone on the sidewalk) and he said, "Wait a minute dad", put me on hold and never returned to the line.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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Sleeper, I am sorry that you continue to have such problems. I don't come on here often but you and I were always kind of posting about the same sort of stuff.

Your X has flouted your agreement in many ways and your D has closed the property part of things long ago. I don't think you should feel bad about the situation but the kids....well, that's hard to know. What I can say is that kids are smart and as time goes by they will see, more and more, who is the stable one.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

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It's a mess. The stuff she left in the house over three years ago is abandoned property. She has taken my children from me (twice), denied me access to them and believes she should decide when I have them. Now that I stood my ground and refused to be threatened and given ultimatums in my home by calling the police when she would not leave she has responded with a "no contact" policy with my children. She and Her H have also shown them a "video" of part of what happened and are continuing to estrange my children from me.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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Sleeper it sounds like it's time to get a lawyer and get your due time with "your" children. She can live however she wants, you need to fight for your life.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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So today I learn by detective work X is taking kids to a Counselor without ever informing me. We text back and forth, she calling it a "dr appt". I ask what doctor repeatedly and she finally tells me C 's name, he is NOT a "dr" of any sort. I call her on her BS and tell her I'll be there in 5 and should only be me her and our kids (re vitriolic blowup by X when her H and my W were there last time).

X responds this is "her" appointment and I should not come. I arrive anyway, she looks shocked, irritated, sitting on C with kids on both sides. I tell kids how much I care and love them, X begins to tell me "You need to leave" this is a private appt for me and the kids. I remind her the kids are mine too and we have joint custody, I have a right to be there, know what is happening. X's H comes in and starts to video exchange that is totally calm, being sly about it. I tell X's H I can't help but notice his videoing and that I wish he had not shown kids. Ideo he made of X being arrested. He responds DD asked to see it. I respond showing a child a video of what should be an adult matter is "poor parenting".

X asks receptionist for a "private waiting area" and they leave the room. I did not follow but chose to wait for the C session to end. X's H goes into session with X and my children. I hoped to see kids afterward but they all leave out rear exit. C comes out to talk, says they didn't want a "confrontation". We speak briefly about sitch and X's arrest. He repeated a theme from our recent session that my R with kids will be lifelong and this is a temporary situation, comments about DS describing recent huntjng trip with me and how much he live it. He looks pained and regretful it happened, continues by suggesting I make an appointment. I do.

Immediately after making appt I text X infor that I have made an appt for kids and myself and to mark her calendar.

DS looked horrible in waiting room, flush faced like he had been crying. He didn't look at me, DD did and looked sad.

X is treating me as if I have no rights at all. DD stated desire to live with her mother a year ago. DS and I have been getting along great until this. I don't know what to believe anymore.

I know this has upset the children and It appears DD blames me (she already sided with her mother). I believe X was interfering with me and DS before and now initiated "no contact" from him towards me.

I feel basically depressed and discarded. I had to stand up for my rights in my home, she was threatening me and dictating when I could see the kids (on her terms) and refusing to leave. It appears the kids blame me.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Oct 2009
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get a lawyer

talk to a father's rights group

file before your ex as you will be able to decide when you want to present your side in court (before or after her)

file contempt charges

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"X is treating me as if I have no rights at all. DD stated desire to live with her mother a year ago. DS and I have been getting along great until this. I don't know what to believe anymore."

Because you allow her to. Why have you allowed her to spit in the face of the court order that gave you 50% custody? I hate to say it, but this is the result of being the "nice guy". Stop it and start fighting for your kids.

"I know this has upset the children and It appears DD blames me (she already sided with her mother). I believe X was interfering with me and DS before and now initiated "no contact" from him towards me."

You are their father right? Start fighting back. If you don't, you're going to keep ending up on the short end of the stick and come here to complain. Why complain if you aren't going to do anything about it?

Your signature line is totally wrong. "fear" isn't the mind-killer it's yourself. Sometimes you have to be like Paul Atreidis and start shaking up the status quo to become the leader.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Hi Sleeper, been a while

I have to agree with MrBond. She walks all over you because she can. Period.

Look up a book and web site called "No More Mr. Nice guy"

See if you identify with the author

Frank


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I have spoken with three attorneys and found one I like. She will represent me in court.

Frank, I looked at the website and you pegged me. Maybe it's because I was the "peacemaker" growing up. Doesn't matter, I am going to take action and stand up for not only myself but my children as well.

On the downside I am sure this is a case of "Parent Alienstion syndrome" (PAS) and believe X to fit the profile of an "Obsessed Alienator" (meshing her feelings and kids into one, no fear of court authority, etc).

Google "innocentdads".


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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