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eeeek dawn-

when you're saying this stuff -
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Can anyone relate...family is still family, he is still someone I care about, but there is a limit, at least right now, and he doesn't get my heart. Nero, you get it, it's not fun when they suckk and you have to be there for them anyway.


i'm thinking of how i get with my mother. i swear, yesterday i thought i'd blow my brains out if i spent time in her company. even tho she was allll feeble and being nice- i swear- i couldn't even talk to her- or look at her. i just wanted out- away.

the "screamer" with my brotherinlaw didn't help- tho, he was sooooo f'ing bizerk - it kind of was something humorous if it wasn't so darn grusome. what a jerk- my poor neice. but at least i know i didn't imagine what a screaming jackass he was in the hospital in january-

i hope to God that's now how my sister lives with him- having such venomous and hateful blowups. she's like him in tht- so much for being alllll sophisticated and power couple and meditating (??)) and so on....

give me my life anytime i think.

hope you're doing okay- i getyour feelings. idk- i guess we do what we can as long as we think we can- and when our brains are going to explode- we step back, or out.

xxoo hand on dearie

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hey hi dawn -

I hope things are going okay with your poor miserable patient- i'm picturing you in your sexy little nurse dress & apron- white crisp hat- smiling little cheery face- and poor old h on the floor- oh geeeeeez..... do not trip on or over him...

sorry for being such a crabby jerk last bunch of days- i know what a self-serving whiner i can be-

idk how the heck to lose the "anger" junk i have in response to my mother's alternate neediness & critical meanness-

there's gotta be a way- need to find it- today- endeavoring to not allow myself - FOR ANY REASON - BE ratty.

onward & upward huh??? st. nero of the broken resolutions here-

xxoo(())

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HEy Nero-No he's no better and the nasty seems to be here to stay, as if this is setting him right where he belongs, on a crapb pill of complaints.

He had a dream he was arguing with a very old male friend of mine and they talked about they everything H has been doing to this family. The friends said, why haven't you left yet? Why are you still there?

H woke up telling me how he was yelling at the friends...because I said I was never leaving my family, not even my family is going to make me leave. Let me do what I have to do.

That's when I realized....again what I already knew. HE is who is going to be now. He even said as much. I'm so glad I am mentally ready and am good with still saying, I'm done!

My mom texted me this morning asking if I want more info from her cold email about my parents leaving for another state. Of course I do, your my friken parents moving to a place you have no family or friends.

People sux, she wants me to want the info so she can give it to me in drips and drabs. NOw, I have my grandson, she never asked about him.

This MLC is not going to take or do to me anything else. I was surprised at the sound of my tone when yelled at h yesterday. He's like a muppet character with his cane spew harsh words.

When will I get a break, do I have to leave? Do I have to force him out?


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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NEro, I do wish you a good day....I wish we could have a good day together!


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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oh Dawn, you are going thru such a hard time right now. But I don't believe what your H told you, that "HE is who is going to be now. He even said as much." He is being who he is right now, but he is not going to be like this forever.

Maybe one of the vets could help you here, but it does not seem to me that your H is anywhere near the end of his MLC. Judging by Sandi's stages, it seems like he is moving out of replay into depression, and you say he has been angry the entire time. But you can't know what his final personality will be like when he is done, you can't judge the end by what you see now.

I know you are fed up, and that is your right. Who wouldn't be? It is your right oo kick him (and the rest of your selfish family) to the curb if you need to Dawn. But I don't think you should leave your home.


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
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H is back on the couch, making the living room a mess announcing he's back in a depression. I don't care!!!!!

And, now he can't walk, work, nothing but lay there. This is not good for my DBing, I just wanna bounce him.

Why is he cripple now? Just as my date comes up...is this some kinda karma, don't push you MLCer.

Either way, I haven't a clue what I am standing for anymore. Not one clue.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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Dawn,
Don't change your mind about the date. If you do, he'll know it was an idle threat. I may be wrong, and I hope that I am, but could this be a ploy to get you to change your mind?

Dawn stay the course. Do not pick up after him and do not coddle him.

Take care of you and your children and grandchild. Leave your h to his own mess.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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hiya dawn-

i'd give my eye teeth for a day of fun- don't even have ability at this moment to know what that would be!!!

your h - if i had to say, it's who blinks first. he's in such a giant giant panic aboutyou standing your ground and him thinking he should be kicked out- or might be kicked out (whatever that really means) he's disabled. that would be my call (as you know- i'm no one in particular - so take it for what it's worth here) you are the one who knows.

wouldn't you think definitely that as the deadline approaches and he's actually expected to put his money where his mouth is- he's faltering (rather badly).

i'd say if you can- do not leve YOUR HOME - ignore or work around whatever you can- if you can find something out of the house to do or participate with- do that. ...

i guess if it were me- i'd try to not talk to him unless he were asking something specific- i'd try and just act neutral and non participatory. (i'm sayin i'd try - i 'm not sayin i could manage it- ) he's putting you in the hard place - what else is new- he's GOING TO FORCE YOU TO BE THE BAD GUY-.

my h too i believe- nothing will happen unless i do it (at this one minute anyway) i'm not being the one. i'm going to fully use hm rite back til he cracks forst - unless i magically want to be shed of him- have someone else, whatever- THEN if it's convenient for me- i'll be the dumper.

til then- he can suck it up. (whatever it is) can ya hang on some more? i don't think handing over or handing in your life will serve you-

xxoo - wish i caould come visit- he'd hear us laughing and talking in other romo- wish he were "fun guy" again adn sharing your fun life again- etc. Oh well- he picked it- didn't he.

my neice said that yesterday- "you picked him" we throw it around - around here. oh man- i sure did...

been reading with my ncied (15) who procrastinated on her summer reading assignments- but she can do it- for some reason laying around reading with me (i love to read btw) seems to push her into doing it with out much pain- we even are able to chat about the books she's reading- i read the huge one- it's an interesting as hell book and lots about it to chat about (A prayer for Owen Meany- John Irving) worth reading- it's also a good justification for me to just stop and do something i enjoy instead of thinking i need to go thru life "doing my chores" and not allowing me to just be free. wrking on that too...

anyway- so that has been good to sandwich in- she comes to my moms w/ me - so that's a break also

we're going shopping today (neice & I) - local sister picking up mom-slack- me, off hook for one minute and taking full advantage- i don't care how she and nazisis manage for today and tomorrow- let them.

i know soon enough they go back to their lives and it's all sitting over there- calling me- nagging me, etc.

we'll see tho- this worm is trying like hell to turn. you too- be caring & nice girl you are- but don't be same old dawn who is re-immersed. he smells it- your defection. ya can't hide it- you couldn't "be " THE SAME if you wanted to- they do smell it-

idk where it goes or ends tho- soooo - if you& I are not being the heavy and walking out the door- i guess we're playin the waiting game - still...

good luck man-

hope your day is good xxoo

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Been separated for 3 months now and wife has filed for D. We have 3 children and I am trying anything to pull our family back together. I want to of course my W does not want in marriage anymore.
Any advice will be welcomed

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See Nero, that's the thing.

I don't care what he thinks he knows about me, or how he perceives my actions. I really don't. He can think I love him until my dying day, or hate his guts. I can serve him breakfast on the floor as he lays crippled on his back or I can serve a three course meal in the kitchen and offer him nothing.

If nothing I do matters either way and he will be back in MLC EA land asap, what does it matter how I change myself for him, or not?

Food served to him is just humane, it's who I am and not being someone else, changing for him. Walking away is also who I can be, and I guess sends a signal, tho not my intention, just me doing me.

I am in control of my R with him, he is a weasel, and this is my life, I do what I want. I go on this thread in front of him, I cook what I want, I use the money as I want, he is not going to dictate my life, or use this MLC EA sh!t over me.

I have not shed a tear for him in months, and told him the last time I cried, don't think these are for you!

Have fun with your niece, get her to teach you how to deactivate your other FB so it doesn't meld with the DB one, and learn how to see your private message like you said you would.

Glad to hear your sticking up to your sister, it's like everyone around us needs DBing.

Snodderly, no he can't fake this, it's been messy and real. But, the date has gone waist side, but not the subject, and it never will. Thanks for you good wishes.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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