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Nero, I left you a private message on FB, if you could just read it you may feel better.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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My H has been quite sick these last three days and I have been his nurse on 24hr call. He is in a lot of abdominal pain. WE are 3 weeks out of health insurance so it is up to me to monitor him so we don't end up in the emergency room for something as preventable as dehydration.

He has been thankful, and pleasant, while even seeking warmth and comfort when I laid down next to him last night, he had the chills.

I don't have a problem taking care of him, even in my insistent brain that tells me IDLY H, I'm ok with caring for him.

But, I SWEAR TO BOB, if he makes me regret this....I am coming down hard and slamming the door and blowing out the light. Just saying!

I am still maintaining my identity and giving him the care he needs, he lacks for nothing, and I am still working on me.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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i saw the picture - was that the "message" - i love it- i want a cuddle and a sniff - sad little woman that i am- and i go arond pointing out everyone elses "addictions" - babysmell - i wanna get you higher - blah balh blah - lite my fire-

anyway- call if ya feel like it - i couldn't figure out if i was sending a private message so didn't include my home phone no0 = i think linda said she gave it to you- so ok by me-

she & i had okay chat this a.m- GGGGAAOOOOd- when you actually hear a human being saying the same junk you say yourslef-
amazing

it's alllll sooooooooo "textbook" it's pathetic- cripes!Q

xxoo hope your day is good. guess mom gets discharged to day- (supposedly) at moment she ate something & has a roommate so taking one more minute before heading there.

should be a long long day-

donja love the "efficiency" we pay thousands and thousands of $$ for???

xxoo hope your day is good.

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hey hi again-

oh man- did you ever tickle my fancy with :

Quote:
But, I SWEAR TO BOB, if he makes me regret this....I am coming down hard and slamming the door and blowing out the light. Just saying!

I am still maintaining my identity and giving him the care he needs, he lacks for nothing, and I am still working on me.
_________________________


I LOVE THE SWEAR TO BOB- i'm sayin that form now on forever.

ya kill me - good luck with the patient. is it allover and rumbling around pain? or one spot- just askin.

good luck- it's scary making decisions for someone else- i swear to bob.....

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hiya dawn-

i hope your h is on the mend - it's scary second guessing the medical conditions of someone else. i can sure relate to that.

anyway- i'm soooo dudded out this morning-

as usual lately- kind of dread contact - kind of wonder what my "responsibility" is- etc.

blah blah blah GOOD LUCK WITH YOURNURSING- HOPE IT'S OKAY AROUND THERE.

XXOO

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Originally Posted By: I.am.Dmarie
I don't have a problem taking care of him, even in my insistent brain that tells me IDLY H, I'm ok with caring for him.

I am still maintaining my identity and giving him the care he needs, he lacks for nothing, and I am still working on me.


Good on you, Dawn. ^^^ As long as you are ok with it, and still working on you, that's all that matters.

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Thanks, UR! I'm exhausted, he is not sweet and nice anymore, his MLC is kicking in and he's saying stupid stuff. Like why doesn't he just die, or he's never going to be strong for work ever again.

I wait for him now to ask for something, he has lost the nurse by his side. It was nice, we laughed a little.

Funny, how now my deadline for moving out is a moot point. I guess if/when he acts up down the line I can always retroactively put it out there.

I hope your doing well, have a good weekend.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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This morning I am waking to H's anger....he is enraged over his abdominal and now back pain.

And, to top this whole MLC journey off...my mom and dad who have stepped back because they disagree with my Standing are selling their home and moving to Nevada.

We were was suppose to move there at the end of 2012, put D19 in school and H was joining the union, now life is moving without me. Because of HIM.

NOt a good start to a rainy weekend.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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hey hi dawn-

oh geeeez - i hear ya. keep in mind- THEIR LIFE IS MOving on without you- not yours. this woman (me) is realizing that (maybe) parents come and go. my mom never ever wanted to have any part in anyone's "troubles" - fair enough. her spiel was grow up- get a job - get out and don't ask me for nothin (done and done) BUT the "tending" she's requireing now - makes me question whole (duty) thing.

what is our duty anyway??? what is theirs??? they raise us- they get to wash their hands if THEY WANT TO (apparently). that shades our duty- i've alwasy been guilty & "tow the line"...

LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THIS- when your mother is decrepid and finds it useful to WANT a r with you so you can "take care of her" - perhaps you'll plunk her in a home and say good riddance and feel okay with it??? maybe it will in fact feel as easy as "hey, you weren't "there" for me- so thank you and drive th4ru please..." i wouldn't mind feeling like that- i am quickly losing totally my ability to care around here at the moment-

maybe your mom is doing the dirty work for you- and you'll be the guy who benefits from the distance (ultimately)..

your kids are there with ya- in your life- and your h maybe still in mlc mode- but at the end of the day (whenever in he!! that turns out to be) you will move forward with YOUR LIFE and those more immediate family members>>

I FEEL like that too alot (passed by) - that everyone else has their life- this mother junk- my stupid h and 'HIS ' house and life in FL- it's a giant ball and chain on my own neck- of their creation (or so it FEELS)... when it's all over - which ever way- i'm going to be a free woman. i can glom onto whoever it is i want to be around i think- and play it that way...

idk where my life and my home will be- i don't even have some kids to be part of it -

BUT THEN- i have a sister that can stand me (still) here and my neice (poor kid- she was soooo outraged and shocked to witness my brother in law ripping my head off yesterday) (surprise attack from car while my sister sat next to him silently).

GOD PRESERVE US ALL FROM THE SELF-righteous A$$holes of the universe- she stayed with me all evening yesterday- she's a sensitive little thing- she wanted to be supportivem she couldn't believe his bad form - we made and ate some chocolate chip cookies -

TALK ABOUT SPEW- AND BLUGING VEINS, ETC. ANYWAY- i have not one stinkin idea who is going to end up part of my life - i'm beginning not to care. if family ties have to make me suck up this kind of stuff (and thank them for it) maybe it's not something i'll NEEEED like i always thought i did- or even want.

you're doin good- it was so nice to chat- your voice and conversation is exactly like what i hear in your posts- we'll make it thru this journey of our own- and come out the other side with shiney cheeks and appreciation of life and all hte small little pleasures/treasures it's got- the he!l with what we're allllll "supposed" to want and to have-

we'll be us, happy girls, heads on straight- sniffing babies and enjoying a sunny window in winter- blah blah blah.

now, i gotta go eat something and quit thinking or talking about this anger- family spew- hatefest i call a family-

talk about surprising view of what people are when the chips are down-

oh well- spartacus here - about ready to rally the slaves and strike a blow for freedom or death (no kidding- maybe i'll change my name. )

maybe i'm less nero fiddling while rome burns - and more spartacus figuring "what the3 hell, give it a shot - how bad could it be????"

soooooo - historical & biblical , aren't I/??

have a good day dawn- don't worry about your mom- it may be something that will "save" you from some stuff- rather than the other way around- a giant "obligation" you have to bear-

there's always a chance.

xxoo hope your day is okay and your patient isn't awful today-

you sound like me with the ruined life plans. my h and the "and then we can live whereever you want" - thing. whatta joke huh? what happens - really - in life as opposed to the rosey old "plan" -

as long as it was him fobbing me off with idle promises that he couldn't and wouldn't keep- it was swell..... it did keep my stupid butt in Fla for 20+ years...

love ya man-

xxo

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My H was spewing hate this morning and said his usual, why don't I let him leave, he hates it here, life is unfair, he was just trying to support his family. I said, why haven't you left a long time ago.

He's on the kitchen floor fully crippled by his back, spewing how he doesn't want to be here, I turned and said in a scary voice....you better be careful how you speak to me, you better watch what comes out of your mouth.

It set him back a bit and he tried to soften up immediately, blaming his pain for his mouth. He said, I will shut up now!

It's dark, and raining, and I am stuck in this house. It is bring some old feelings of my flight or fight impulse up again.

I don't do well when he makes me angry, and I'm angry because I am dealing with him without L as a factor. What I am doing for him is out of necessity, and that makes it easier to WAW from and say F**** him.

I can L him next year, right now I am protecting myself from his damage.

Can anyone relate...family is still family, he is still someone I care about, but there is a limit, at least right now, and he doesn't get my heart. Nero, you get it, it's not fun when they suckk and you have to be there for them anyway.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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