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He asked me to give it time....he is trying...I want to ask for a separation.

He can't be who I need him to be.

Should I wait tho?

Should I see this to the end, is he making any progress at all by his actions?

Where's that crystal ball?


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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I was just discussing with someone my H's outlook and she pointed out something I guess I knew but didn't give much attention to.

My h talks about the past, and says I have my memories, talks about the future as if we're in it together, but it's the present when he doesn't want anything to do with me.

When he said I have my memories isn't that enough, I said sure H...I'll by a scrap book and you can move out!

He actually went as far as saying well in 10yrs he can come back, or if EA dies. I said so you will be forced to move out because you insist on helping ea and if she dies then you're off the hook, and you will return to me because she will be a non issue?

I literally said STFU, are you that stupid. He laughed at his own words. This is too much!


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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Hi Dawn.

Sounds like you've had better weekends smirk

My H and I got into it this morning. He ended up telling me "maybe he's using her" and won't need her anymore after a while.

And I'm supposed to wait to see what might happen?

And IF that does come to pass I'm supposed to what, rejoice and welcome him home with open arms?

The story is of a prodigal son not a prodigal spouse!

Should I wait tho?

Isn't that the million dollar question!

What happened to your deadline? Is that still on the table?

~ Have to run. Soccer tonight.

Take care smile


Me 46 H 56
M 22 yrs
S22, D20, Twin Ss18

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow.
What you stop.
And what you reinforce.
~~~~~~~
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
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hey hiya dawn-

as usual - you're sounding good these days- but your life is sounding wacky as usual.

wow h saying he'd just come back in ten yers. my gigantic A$$ of a h said once- when i asked "so, what the heck do you think you'll do when we've split for good and you all of a sudden think it may not have been such a good idea" - and he said" i'll just show up and kill him" (my new love/life).

whatta schmo- it's alllll some goofy joke, sitcom in his head. i thnk because they don't say this junk out loud to anyone but their own brain- it must sound ok or reasonable.

wtf can they be thinking- that we'll just sit there and knit sox til they roam back into our back door and we'll just dust them off and feel all this loove and goop or what? i honestly think that it what is in their heads- some fantasy scenario- starring them btw as the returning warrior to the warm loveing welcome

how far from the truth it likely is huh? me- hospital fielding texts from my up-tight, micromanaging- sister to me- after she's been furiously calling drs and getting between me and their calls and info i need to make an informed decision on a procedure- but after talking to her they don't call me- YET - I'M the jerk here being asked to sign on the dootte line and commit ole mom to something or another- so in radiology- emerg hold on procedure -

get text from H that he's "heading north" - i swear- i had to stop three times and erase a return of "f you - i'm done".

ended up saying "spare me the fake concern"

idk why- i'm sick of him today. i'm up to my A$$ in cranky mom's ranting & insults & refusal for "procedure" - pushy dr's insistence (and this is just the admitting gp guy- lets not forget the surgeon & his sidekick - the substitute surgeon yesterday (a guy i know & like who says don't do it) , the official one of today who says wt blood cell count higher so infection getting worse a bit- and the gi dr & his sidekick-

i swear- the sheer number of doctors who don't knwo her- her case or history who have some interest & opinion and me and my damn sister buzzing in my ear- i'm gonna kill someone.

then this man- who's out of town adn riding off to boink his ow - my first thought is go f'ing crash yourself and get out of my life you A$$- and he's saying he'll call monday.

i could hate his stupid, uncaring- selfish face rite now. maybe i do- i could spit o n his shoes. it makes me mad to think of =

wonder really what the implications would be ($$) if i just called and said don't bother calling or coming back. you made your choice by your actions.

oh man dawn- how many thousands of times have i said this to you? i think many. i'll try the fb tonite.

i just hooked up this new computer- the old one was soooo awful last two days- but i had to wait to be able to (i think i did anyway) erase all history of my comings and goings before unhooking it for good.

i know it's probably in there somewhre- the record- hopefully he won't look and won't find it. i don't want this jacka$$ reading amy personal thoughts of mine. he's not worthy-

of them- of me- of my love- of my consideration- of nothin today.

oh well- procedure over- mom resting comfortably- i'm soooo sick of her picking on my hairdo- i don't sleep for a week because of her stinkin medical condition- etc. and listening to her rant alllll day about geting out- etc.

and the best she's got is that- picking. i hate everyone i know today- ta da...

nice huh? glad you're doing good and you do sound good. me, i'm okay i guess anger aside

f everyone. i'm heading down to other sister for some fresh coffee- i'm throwin this stinking cell phone in the damn toilet- (or leaving it off in perpetuity) unless I NEED IT.

BACK TO F EVERYONE- BOY, THAT SURE FEELS GOOD. NOBODY BETTER GET IN MY FACE TODAY.

XXOO i think i'll walk to her house- burn this anger off- woo hoo- lovely cool day if i could get out in garden or out anywhere and laugh a bit- this hospital pressure grim [censored] is getting to me today-

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My h said he's using EA as well, it's a sick MLC vs loser skank feast.

Lets all sit around and wait under the moon light for our H's.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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hey dawn-

hope today is a good one for you. just checking in before head to hospital


you're sayin: *************Should I wait tho?

********Should I see this to the end, is he making any progress at all by his actions?

Where's that crystal ball?****************************

i'm sayin to that - if you're askin yourself or the world- you're still "waitin" for the moment.

remember you telling me wisdom will come if we sit quietly-

fingers crossed that it's right- i'm not as quiet as i'd like to be- guess i'm still "me" in here-

i get your quandry- i've kind of had it too -

we've been at this and sayn this a long long time. BUT we still know them- and they still turn back up.

the obsession with ow- idk - i hate it - fullstop. do we end it today???

i'm goin to the hospital to suck up some criticism - i'd rather hold a new baby- and take a sniff. think of me if you do.

so, whattyathink? one more day? we can ALWAYS WALK AWAY TOMORROW AND EXPLODE INTO SPACE?????

ONE unsettled chick...

xxoo (( )) so, if i make a new facebook page- i just gomake also a new e-mail account and then use that tomake the new facebook thing?

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I'm not really waiting, as much as I'm in limbo with nowhere to turn. Given the opportunity I would bail...real fast. Does that mean I'm not waiting, well it doesn't mean I'm hoping, I'm out of hope, and looking toward my reality for my future.

I want a future....not to hold on some more and some more! If something happened in that time to change H he would have to come find me, and I would be the one to decide.

No, I'm not pining away here, not at all!

We had a nice eve, we're good together, we laugh, eat, argue facts in a friendly way, we have always gotten along very well. That's what makes this such a waist!

Nero, be careful, take care of yourself first, read my post on your thread about dates, your missing them.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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hey hi-

i'm thinking something mighty similar. i'm not feelin too hopeful either. we have reached a plateau - you and I.

scary next step time maybe approaching. - we're just gonna have to shut our eyes one of these days/years - and step rite off the edge of the land - and fall into the next level - sheer grit or blind faith- rite off the edge and take our chances with what we bounce on. good news is no one behind us with a sharp stick poking us in the back - - -

i'm still stalling. i never ever promised i was big ole brave-girl. never been anything but prudent to the end. ta da...

. i'm thinking my h's insanity or whatever, may be "terminal" for all practical purposes. i don't see him wising up- professing his undying love, etc. anytime soon. as long as he has everything he wants - - - - me being realistic here. boy- i hate this being realistic junk...

i don't have that great job or security- i'm caring less and less. he's said to me before- just hang in here til you have something better to do... wtf? why would he even say it i wonder- back a year or two ago. since i've never "gone there" again- i will never know. maybe he was thinking weeks.. who knows??? he's got a brain and a mouth- let him speak up and be the "bad guy" and throw my butt on the street if i'm sooooo repulsive - it's almost an academic exercise here seeing when or if he'll ever just open his mouth and be decisive and PICK HER or PICK HiMSELF ALONE - or whatever it is he wants- and ACTUALLY DO IT- JUST DO IT....

ya gotta wonder - what a he man... (not)

he keeps coming - paying- not talking - i keep "standing"...

we're a joke & a mess i reckon -

too bad he's such a dope to never ever feel things and share them and/or think them over - WELL, MOSTLY SHARE HIS THOUGHTS & FEELINGS. I'M pretty sure he must be thinking i wouldn't want to know all about his giant giant giant love for ow. WAIT - MAYBE I'M pretty sure he doesn't think at all about this stuff- you know - DOOOOHHHHH NUT no kidding.

. i think he's sooooo SURE OF ME- WHaT A DOPE I AM- HOW MUHHHHHCCCCCCH I LOOOOOVE HIM - HOW MUCH HE CAN JUST BUY ME BECAUSE OF HIS STINKIN MONEY- that that is the MOST IMPORTANT THING -. I GUESS IN HIS LIFE THE $$ is the most important thing. what a blind jerk he is - i guess - that he thinks i'll be here for him forever - if he wants me.....i think your h too - underneath it all - we're rocks (or nuts)..get it- object?


if i won the lottery - i guess honestly i'd clear the heck out. sad but true. i'm very tired-

i'd buy a house in england- i guess & (if i had to to assuage the guilt)i'd install my mother in a apartment in the garden- and just get the heck out of dodge.


etc.-----

oh well- since this is very very unlikely- i'm thinking i'm stoppng the planning on that.

matter of fact- too much drama going on here with my mother- so i'm not even thinking aboutthis junk- just get thru another day without a blowup from "powersister". she's apparently there not - "rattling a few cages " and "getting answers" - yeah, good luck man, she's up against a handful of doctors- battle of the egos i think.

i'm in my jim jams dudding out- awaiting caffein energy.

didja see linda's thread- about sept 7th? you sound like a very very together hostess- cook, etc. so i get intimidated a bit about other people's expectations - i'm pretty much of a happy - disjointed bum-type hostess maybe. fly by the seat of my pants - HOWEVER i'm warm & friendly- but not martha okay? don't want anyone disappointed- but i'm willing and it will be a scream i think.

okay- also let me say nobody expect a mansion & magazine type decorating. alright- i don't want anyone to faint - i'm a smallish jumblie concoction of old,new-interesting, weird, homemade things that entertain me- soooo i'm thinking warm & inviting- NOT NEW & EXCITING. AND SPECIFICALLY NOT MINIMALIST decor - more like happy jumble style.

I'm just not a huge - boss - take-charge - mom-type woman who is alllllll organized & in command.

i know- im making myself laugh at what a weiner i am with my dopey disclaimers- geeeeeeZzzzzzzz me. i don't want anyone going into shock -

xxoo

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First Nero, I am no Martha, I am plain Jane.

Sept 7 can work...make that fb so we can talk.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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hey hi-

plain jane would fit me as well. okay- i f'ing did it. i did not like putting in a phone number- i put in my cell that i keep for emergencies. can we talk via private e-mails now? i hooked it to a different one than h knows about.

anyway- so, am i supposed to tellyou here in this post the name- can you tell i'm crap at this cloak and dagger junk???

cripes-

will see if you're there -

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