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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2366391&page=1
This was a good thread, lot of excellent posts, thanks!

This morning was met with H's usual, I work double shift today great workaholic mood.

I'm convinced he is dabbling in trying to do it all. Work, chores, sleep when he can, and I am in there also as he trys to keep me content so I don't change up anything on him. This is not a M, it's a rotation of what-to-do to make the day go right. Neeext... W needs, kiss on cheek, clean house, hug, cheeeck confused

I'm detaching everyday and expecting little, while on guard for what may come up.

I really think he has this idea that we are good and life can be just like this forever. Today he brought up working in Vegas again, ( we were suppose to move there pre MLC) after MLC it was, you go I'll travel to and from for work during the seasons, and I wasn't having it. Today I was like sure, lets talk about it, I'll go, you stay, hum we'll see how far my willingness takes me.

Either way, I am working on what I am going to do for me. Such a hard road I travel to let him go, and he's still here getting closer, and I just want to WAW. Nero, I know you don't like hearing that, I'm not, it's just always on my options list.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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I really think he has this idea that we are good and life can be just like this forever.<- Yours

I really think he has this idea that we are good and life can be just like this forever. <- Mine

Makes you crazy crazy crazy doesn't it? The last sort-of R talk I had with H I told him I didn't see how I could continue "as is" until the twins turned 18. He told me that I could, and that if necessary I could go 10 years.

Well sure, maybe, with like electroshock therapy or a lobotomy...

This new alone road is hard. I am trying to figure out if its harder than the current together-but-not-really road. smirk

Take care


Me 46 H 56
M 22 yrs
S22, D20, Twin Ss18

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow.
What you stop.
And what you reinforce.
~~~~~~~
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
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i know- sorry man if i'm a bit too darn "pollyanna" - i want you to be happy. it's not that i don't like it- it's that i'm a bit of an over-thinker in life - for me and everyone and i'm soooo prudent i may as well be wearing cement shoes. not so good a thing anyway- ignore me whenever i'm crazy. nothin personal

honestly- i think if my h was the guy pursuing for whatever reason- i'd have a different set of priorities borne of MY FEELIng in charge instead of being on the receiving end.

i know me- it's a consideration- if i'm feeling pushed around- or if i'm feeling empowered.

it does affect what's going on with me. i hate admitting this- it sounds shabby- but it's a different world when i'm the guy in teh driver seat. i'm more choosey i guess

oh well- i do hope you're feeling good and having an okay day. i am behind ya man- whatever you decide.

me- spent from about 10:30 a.m. to 6:-m w/ mom- in and out of dental office - have a fitting, etc- go get lost for an hour and a half or so- several times to get these teeth made.

theyll be ready tomorrow afternoon- worth knowing that there are actual dental clinics that are also the labs where the dentures are made- none of this crappola of dentist in town saying it'll take a month to get them made, fitted, etc.

oh man----

i'm too tired to even write so i'm heading to shower- walked as soon as got home - walkng too late makes me too charged up to be able to get to sleep at any reasonable hour-

maybe bath& glass of wine with some strawberries in it- wish you were here to join me- it's even a bit cool otu- yay-

oh well.hang in there - i'm glad you're feeling in charge there- it's a good thing.

xxoo

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guys -

my h said once "we can get used to anything" in the end. meaning - i could "get used to" a stupid life like i have now w h and him w ow - wtf???

true i'm still here- false i plan to just be a jerk forever and he gets to have his life as it is and i hang around for the crumbs -

alone is hard- sometimes it's kind of okay- but i'm ever coginzant he's payng the bills and it will not be easy (or maybe even possible) alone for me-

one has to cover one's butt - no?

xxoo it does stink- isn't it just crazy ??????? what can be going on in their heads? crazy as a box of frogs

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Funny, MIZ, mine said the same thing, what's the real difference between now and before, not much has changed! Ok, stupid me! crazy

I was never one to accept someone else's way of how my life should go, and H is no exception.

I realized yesterday that H is almost a stranger to me. After 2 yrs he has become someone I don't know at all, not only MLC guy, but him, his likes, dislikes, eating habits, friends, entertainment, even his conversation is different.

Not only is he MLC gone, he's gone to me as familiar friends, it's almost awkward. When he holds me, I try, but it's meaningless to me. I tried pushing it to hold on to something between us, I held him back, I rubbed his back, but it's not there, it's emotionless.

I hope this is normal, and if we ever head into forgiveness and reconciliation all will return in it due time, even better. If not I am getting more comfortable w moving on as he slips away.

Today is another cooler day in the Midwest, and I need to get out! I am never up this early but I have H radar, I hate it, and woke up as soon as H Didn't come home this morning. So now I'm up, aware he's not here, assuming he's w EA cleaning up another tragedy.

I need a coffee buddy, nice walk, coffee, and plans for tonight wink


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
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What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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Boy Dawn, that's rough. "I realized yesterday that H is almost a stranger to me. After 2 yrs he has become someone I don't know at all, not only MLC guy, but him, his likes, dislikes, eating habits, friends, entertainment, even his conversation is different." My H is completely different too, but I know what he eats, does, etc., because we live together. I have no idea what he's thinking however. Nothing, probably.

MzJ, "Makes you crazy crazy crazy doesn't it? The last sort-of R talk I had with H I told him I didn't see how I could continue "as is" until the twins turned 18. He told me that I could, and that if necessary I could go 10 years." How could he possibly know how much you can tolerate??? Ten more years of MLC craziness? Although the MLC craziness is probably reason he said this at all. Whew....


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
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So H calls me this morning hyper about something going at his night job, I say where are you, he said that's not important. Well, my mom worked in a hospital for 30yrs, I know what they sound like, oh yea, he's brought EA to get her Cataract surgery done.

He goes on about work related things, babbling about hours. I said, really you don't care what I think about where your at, why is this up to you, ''he said she's my friend. He said, I don't care what you think of me, do you really think I'm like that, I don't care what people think.

Where are you gonna go...I work for the family that's all I care about. Your fine, healthy, comfortable, you can't leave, and if you do want to go, to Vegas and create an avenue for me to get work in season, you'll be happy there, that's all I care about''.

I was right, he is on some kind of mission to hold down this fort, and keep me content, so he can circle around the planet and not have to worry about me. It's as if he maintains all his ducks in a row at home, so he's worry free to go hyper manic in the city.

This is not a M, this is a joke, how would something like this ever end, it feels more like a way of life, it works for him, why would he change. I could NC or go black for yrs, what's it to him, as long as he's fulfilling his obligations. He doesn't see anything else as an obligation...it's all human emotional junk.

Then he says don't worry as long as your going to get into heaven that't all I worry about, your fine! This is my spiritual battle! Don't you think HE has to see what I'm doing, even though it hurts you, as a good thing for one of his children?

This is why I say I'm done, how do you fight that? I know you don't fight it per se, but there is no tactic on my part that would even begin to effect his head trauma!

The sooner we don't have to live together the better. This superman complex he has needs to fizzle and die, but not at my hands!

The whole time he speaks about how he has me and the kids all snuggled up at home and safe, w health insurance, $$$ and food, so let him go do this for one person who has nothing, won't God see that!?

UH, no! You can't be rewarded for planting new seeds if you had to trample over your already blooming flowers to get there.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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hey hi-

i'm that buddy - too darn bad i'm in the wrong state(s).

i could kill for a cup of joe and walkin buddy on this cool day- raining tho- might not be able to walk tonite- rats. could use it to nite...

plan for tonite - goofy old british shows - seen most a million times but oh well huh? fanticize about running off to England & out of this life into another (and wonderful) one. fingers crossed- hey, maybe i'll go get a lottery ticket and make myself laugh at the insanity of it. it does make me laugh - every time - like a charm.

i don't feel like i know h anymore too-.

i also get the "ackward" too- i truly wonder how he doesn't feel it or care about it- and just carries on & so far keeps coming here. wtf . how can he be soooo un-aware or unbothered? he seems to be tho- idk dawn- they are wierd as can be.

he's just some other person. i also wonder if it all comes back- if it's the "right thing" to happen. ya have to wonder

i don't even think that far in advance anymore- idk at all- not one darn bit.

maybe im assuming im just waiting for "the end". idk about that too. oh man- i don't know anything.

i'm going to have a cozy nite and i'm glad my mother has her stupid teeth and i don't have to interact with her anymore today. she wears me out- i must be grinding my jaw like mad- took a few asprin.

it was so nice for my neice to offer & come to dentist today to just distract mom- she's a sensitive & caring little soul- i surely appreciate that and count that blessing. that she offers - in this family where mostly one HAS TO ASK ACROSS the board- it's nice to have a caring little person around.

i love that kid.

it's a shame i can't manage to do better - instead of just constantly have remorse about not "doing better". it would seem it aint there- and aint happenin - i am just not a generous & altruistic daughter. oh well huh????

anyway- i think some wine- maybe sew something- put away (finally - if my mother doesn't have another meltdown) the piles of "stuff" - pack a few things for shore and go in the morning. allll the projects around house planned for week got left behind in light of tooth tragedy. oh well huh?

don't know what else- think i'll find a big ole raincoat and go get that lottery ticket- see, just thinking about the insanity of actually getting it and planning for five minutes what to do with my bazillion millions makes me smile- ya gotta love the insanity of human nature - donja??

get outside for a minute or two

xxoo have a great nite-

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"constantly have remorse about not "doing better". it would seem it aint there- and aint happenin - i am just not a generous & altruistic daughter. oh well huh????"

You know what Nero, I think you are a great daughter. You have the exact same attributes as your little niece.


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
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Nero, read you thread, my last post to you was good, I put some things out there for you to consider.plus, since then lots of people have been sparking about you!

You have touched a lot of people and now they want to hear from you! Make sure you ok, before H comes and you disappear, don't disappear!


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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